Hi 💜 I'd like peoples opinion on this topic and I'll try to keep it as short as possible. The question I want feedback on is:
Am I in the right to believe something is off with me and want help, or am I trying to find excuses?
A very broad question I know, but if you want to stick around for a minute here's some background info condensed into bullet points
(Also my esteem/confidence is like zero so posting this makes me deadly anxious, very sorry if I'm too lengthy, I have no other way of expressing this)
Been in the medical health system since 2020 for depression after failing my master's thesis work
I told them maybe it's ADD/ADHD or similar because some family members has it, but they denied that because:
• I'm being treated for depression, it would be impossible to tell them apart (That's fair)
• I've made it through school/higher education on my own (The part I'm not buying, reoccurring argument)
I ask my family about it, which is a taboo topic apparently, and they say I don't have it because:
• My younger brother has a ADD diagnosis and his needs are more severe (dyslexia)
• I've made it through school/higher education on my own
(Also, I should stop finding ways to excuse my laziness)
NOT DEPRESSED anymore according to my doctor and myself, but my issues still stands, which is why they finally in 2022 started putting me in queue for a diagnosis
• For the record, I've had medically treated depression at five occasions throughout my life so far, and they all seem to happen when there's been a major change in life or I've stressed out about the future
-// Things I feel correlates to having potential neurospice or similar
Executive difficulities
• I can't for the life of me organize anything, and if I try I die inside midway through and gives up (turning a big pile of things into smaller piles that I then put back into the big pile)
• There's always something that seem more important than organizing, even if the chaos at home contribute to me feeling like a complete failure
• Can't keep track of things in my head. If not noted down they're gone immediately
Dreams big -> Huge plans -> Burning passion -> Burnout -> Feeling like a loser -> Repeat
The few times I focus on something, my body hurts from sitting in some awkward position working on it for 6-8 hours without rest (And it feels like 20 min, wait it's dark already?)
-// Things that might not have any correlation
The greater half of my friends that have stuck around is official neurospicy, including my spouse (they just seem more real to me)
Sheep 💜 (I just really like them and I've realized they've become my fixation for the last couple of years)
-// Things that would "deduct credibility points" (?) (It's basically me gatekeeping myself)
I have no issues with eye contact and I prefer seeing people IRL (Although I get awfully tired after prolonged sessions of it)
I can sleep throughout the night (Quite the gift imho), although I never really wake up rested
There is obviously way more to this but it's already become an essay and still only scratching the surface
If you made it to the end of this, congrats 🎉
If no one ends up reading or responding, it's still a win for me, because I have something to refer to if I get asked and put on the spot
Thank you for your time, have a nice day 💜