What did you do to survive the night of/after a breakup?

Boyfriend of 2 years (best friend of 6) just told me he’s started seeing someone else. No discussion. Just ghosted me for a week and hit me with this news. Thought he was my soulmate, lmao. I feel like someone just ripped out my insides. Just turned 31 this year, this shit is not any easier than when I was a teenager.

How did you make it through that first night? The second? The third? Is it really just time? I feel like my body is too old to survive another heartbreak.

Carighan,
@Carighan@lemmy.world avatar

My partner of just under 15 years left me out of the blue three years ago.

It… wasn’t easy. I understood her reasons, but that didn’t make it emotionally more acceptable, especially having not known about it beforehand as after so many years it was the only big thing, “never keep anything back at all, no matter what”.

But I suspect my case was a bit different than yours, as the problem wasn’t the first night. She had been gone for a week or so for work before, or even 2 weeks for a Mallorca trip with a bunch of friends, so the first 3-4 days were perfectly fine. It hit really hard after about a week, and then lasted for about a month.
What I had to do was significantly change the flat. Not only rip out stuff that was “hers”, but more importantly reorganize rooms so that the association was gone. It helped. Once that part was changed, I could pretty quickly calm down. I needed that constant reminder of “us” gone. As if I had just moved into a new flat on my own, and this was all me!

That being said, there was one other thing. It sounds vain as hell, but I got a fuckbuddy. Sex helps. Happy hormons and all. It didn’t help on its own, but coupled with steadily changing the flat around me and engaging more with my personal hobbies over our shared hobbies, it was enough to get me through it.

feedum_sneedson,

How do you get a fuckbuddy? I really need that I think.

Crabhands,
@Crabhands@lemmy.ml avatar

I used it as fuel to make positive changes in my life. Not just breakups, but any time life throws something really awful my way, I try to make an effort to use it as a force good. Breakups, deaths, job loss, etc. Be a better you, quit smoking, get fit, learn a new skill. Things I normally wouldn’t be motivated to follow through, i do.

Sorry you’re going through this. Try to remember that it will get easier in time. Accept it wasn’t meant to be, and know there’s a version of you in the future, looking back at this knowing it was all worth it to find the person right for you.

popemichael,
@popemichael@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

Breakups will always hurt. Sometimes you can never get over a relationship fully.

As couples become as one, separating is always a life-changing experience.

All you can do is keep on moving. So long as you are able to put one foot in front of the other, you can keep moving on in a healthy way.

Yewb,

Repeat in your head all the things you didnt like about him over and over until you convince yourself how awful he was.

mriormro,
@mriormro@lemmy.world avatar

This is terrible advice.

MTK,

Do the things that give you inner peace, for me it was always walking in nature, and so I did every day for a year following the breakup, it really helped.

davysnavy,

I ordered Chinese and started watching all the movies she never wanted to watch with me 🤷

lemmy_nightmare,
@lemmy_nightmare@sh.itjust.works avatar

This is the way. But comfort food could quickly become an addiction. So, pay heed to that

davysnavy,

Yeah God only knows how much orange chicken and rangoons I ingested that first week or so lol. But my brain desperately needed the dopamine. I also had ZERO appetite those first few days so I needed something I really loved to eat. This was only a two year relationship so I can only imagine what OP is going through (having been his best friend for 6 years)

voidhearts,

I just had a huge McDonald’s order. I haven’t had McDonald’s in years

It’s so good 😭😩

foosel,

Quite sudden breakup after almost 16 years. He didn’t love me anymore.

I made it through the first night listening to a recording of my mom reading my two favourite child books to me when I was three (these recordings were originally done on tape, but I digitalised them a few years ago and they are a bit of an auditory security blanket). That helped me through the night. Next morning, completely numb, I went to a bakery and bought something to eat, then I drove over to my best friend where I spent the whole day, crying and cursing but also laughing and most importantly talking. At the end of that, I was in a mindset where I knew this would hurt like fuck but it was better this way.

What followed were six weeks where my ex still lived in the same apartment and slept in the same room (we didn’t split in a fight, it simply was over), I fled to my best friend once per week and worked from there (self employed) and spent my weekends Friday afternoon till Sunday evening at my parents. I talked a lot with friends and family, took lengthy walks and overall just tried to make it through every day.

Once my ex was gone for good, my best friend came over for three days and helped with a deep clean of the apartment and setting up some new furniture to replace what he’d taken with him. Then I started my new life.

All I can say is, it gets better, it gets easier, and in hindsight it was one of the best things that happened to me.

It was in August of 2018, after almost 16 years. In January of 2020 I met my new partner who taught me what I’d missed in all that time.

r4tzt4r,

The next day was the day I started running, I mean, as a sport. I still did some stupid things for the next years and even recently but it was the beginning of my journey to mental health and peace of mind. Today I am at peace with myself. Just focus on the things you love. If you think you have nothing, remember what makes you laugh, what you used to enjoy, what would you like doing again. Or maybe just try finding new things. But actually try.

Alexstarfire,

I cried. That was probably the last time I really cried and that was about 15 years ago now.

estebanlm,
@estebanlm@lemmy.ml avatar

I turned on my computer and started to play mass effect 2… during 48h.
Slept a bit.
Call my family and friends to go out and not be alone.
Continue living.
Two years later I met my actual partner and we have a beautiful life with two incredible kids.
Just remember: losing someone hurts but is not the end, the heart heals.

TheMinions,

deleted_by_author

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    lemmy_nightmare,
    @lemmy_nightmare@sh.itjust.works avatar

    I think this has something to do with Mass Effect 2

    feedum_sneedson,

    I don’t know, and I’m sorry.

    Currently going through something halfway similar, having been ghosted by the girl I was dating. Really cut up about it, and yeah, I’m in my thirties so obviously convinced I’m inherently unlovable.

    In the very short term? Ask the doctor for three days supply of diazepam.

    vodkasolution,

    No meds, please

    feedum_sneedson,

    In the very short term, don’t ask the doctor for anything.

    darthskull,

    Some Tylenol for a day or two really helps me sleep. Don’t wanna rely on that too long though

    Patches,

    Tylenol doesn’t help you sleep unless you take such large doses that you are trying to kill yourself.

    A Tylenol Overdose is one of the worst ways to die. It wont be quick and it will hurt a LOT the whole time.

    lightnsfw,

    500mg is enough to help me get to sleep. I don’t rely on it but it’s something I’ve noticed when I have taken it. It’s not knocking me out on its own but if I try to go to sleep it’s easier with it than without it.

    darthskull,

    Pain relief helps me sleep when I’m in pain

    Patches,

    Tylenol doesn’t work on mental pain…

    darthskull,

    All pain is mental pain

    And when I Google it, it seems to say yes, Tylenol might work on emotional pain

    qyron,

    Spent the night playing on my computer.

    Can’t really recall if Fallout or Silent Storm but got out of the chair the next day to go to work feeling tired but relaxed from the amount of gratuitous violence I could inflict on imaginary figures to vent all the feelings of betrail and disappointment I had felt when it happened. Over SMS.

    teuast,

    I was 19 when I had my so-far worst one, now 28. I dealt with it by going trail running. I had an intramural trail running club I was helping to lead at the time, and wound up captaining for a couple of years, and I would go extra hard with the lead group because at the time it felt like pushing myself through the pain helped my mental suffering (and it was healthier than self-harm). About six months after the breakup I set a five-mile time at a community race that was a good two minutes faster than my previous PR, and which I haven’t come close to since.

    I also had really supportive friends and wrote some really angsty songs.

    That being said, I also almost had to drop out of college because my grades tanked, and only got to stay because I was lucky enough to qualify into the music department on a good audition for a probationary quarter, and then get my shit together long enough to pass the classes I needed to declare the major. So your mileage may vary.

    Freesiana,

    Talking to my family and hugging my cats, it sound silly but i felt that my cats knew that i was hurting, so they were extra caring. It will take time to heal, but it will get better.

    CluelessDude,

    The little fur ball bastards do seem to know this sort of stuf, like they can sense it, hugging them makes stuff feel better the purring is therapeutic.

    pingveno,

    I hear this all the time, that pets can sense anguish and try to comfort you. It makes me miss having the opportunity to have had a pet, despite the care needed.

    On the flip side, even standoffish pets can have a change of demeanor under poor circumstances. One person was talking about when her cat who had never even been friendly towards her was dying, it sought her out. The cat was terrified, so they went to the one place where they felt safe. The person telling the story felt oddly comforted that the cat ultimately did have some feelings for her.

    Freesiana,

    Yeah i had older cat and she was so playful and extra cuddly one morning, but late evening i found her unable to move. She had a blood clot and there was nothing to do to save her, but i like to think she had a wonderful life. Pets can be truly ray of sunshine when you are feeling down☺️ ofc it always hurt when your pet dies, but their love and caring is genuine.

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