I need to survive for 3 days without pooping, and eating as little as possible. I can pee, but not very often. It can't take up too much space. What food do I pack?

Please don't ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.

It has to be something I can easily find.

EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:

  • I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.
  • I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.
  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.
  • I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).
  • Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.
  • If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

Jackolantern,

This is one of those threads that’s going go be legendary is it? Like the eating their own foot on early Reddit

LittleYellowDigger,

And so it begins. This is where legends are made.

AzuleBlade,

Just wanted to say I was here for this.

Mortalsub,

This is God-tier Meme master content, well done OP

evader_fateful,

It’s been 6 days since the original post. OP was 3 days out from the poopless leg of his trip. OP, I hope everything went according to plan!

Please update when back!

codyofficial,

Sort comments by new to see his latest update.

Fais,

Im 6 days late. Saw this post but scrolled past. I had to return to say I was here

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA,
@HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world avatar

What level of chemical assistance are you willing to go to? Over the counter antidiarrheals like loperamide/immodium? Prescription ones like lomotil/atropine-diphenoxylate? Opioid constipation? Buttplugs?

The biggest trick to not pooping is: don't need to poop. Clean yourself out real good beforehand and then don't eat anything. Nothing in, nothing out. Well, you'll have about a tablespoon of bile a day but you can probably hold that in.

Abel,
@Abel@lemmy.nerdcore.social avatar

I think this is for some sort of fanfic or roleplay, so:

Military food. If you want something old fashioned but not so bland like the european bread take a look at what paraguayan soldiers used during the three aliances war.

TheKrzyk,

I've heard that Robert Zemeckis is interested in your story. He mentioned something about filming "Pooped Away"...

Bone,

Someone’s gonna need a poop knife after day 3…

Snippet0136,

Steak and eggs, it’s what astronauts use to not shit for days. your body absorbs most of the material rather than excreting it. your looking for anything “low residue”.

monkeytrench,

posting for posterity. what a way to start the lemmy journey. and godspeed to op, shine on you crazy diamond.

lavendedreams,

This is the weirdest fucking thing I’ve seen on the Internet in a long time.

leraje,

Are you being human trafficked?

Roggie,

first day on lemmy, and this is the shit i see right off the bat. I found my reddit replacement.

INeedMana,
@INeedMana@lemmy.world avatar

I think, the point is, that this is the shit no-one has seen. It’s still hidden inside OP. Lurking

greatwhitebuffalo41,

I was thinking, “is this the thing? The first thing all the reddit people get to see coming to Lemmy? Is this history???”

But seriously, WTF

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