I find the """man up""" school of thought generally works for me when faced w a tough situation but 97% of the time it's presented as an obnoxious show of bravado. What are better ways to phrase this?
like, if i’m feeling bad but force myself to do something, i usually feel better. how to maintain the usefulness of this advice without presenting it as ‘fuck your feelings’, in that usual arrogant right wing sort of way
You need to just see this as something that everyone has to deal with. You can feel your feelings still do what you need to do. Ignoring your feelings doesn’t make you any more of a man.
I prefer to think of it as “the only way out is through” or “the only path is forward.”
For some problems it won’t matter how people feel or even who is at fault. What matters often is how you begin to work through it. Once you’re out of the hole you can reflect.
My mom has told me this since I was a kid, and it is still something I am trying to put into practice effectively when met with challenging situations. It is the most forgiving way I can think of to get yourself in the mental headspace you are talking about without the “time to nut up” connotation.
I think the fuck your feelings is part of its effectivness its a reminder they dont matter in the face of the problem and you must work past them. The whole arrogent right wing thing well do u want to change your language to accomodate such people changing what words mean?
I try to think about how happy and content Future-me will be once the job is done. I confirm the accuracy of this thought to myself by thinking back to how it was in the past when I completed some task that was difficult for me. So I think of an experience where I realized in hindsight that it wasn’t actually that bad and that I was worrying for nothing that I might somehow fail. And even with things that ultimately didn’t go well, I can still reassure future-me that there was no need to make a big deal out of it, because even my failures have lost their horror over time; for example, embarrassing moments at school, awkward dates or bad presentations at work. All these things are just water under the bridge or at best even funny when I think back on them today - and that’s how it will be in the future: as soon as the job is done, I’ll be alright, regardless of whether I succeed or not.
If it’s for yourself, and you know what it actually means to you, just use it. While it’s often derided, from both sides, if it works for you, use it.
While I’m generally quite egalitarian, I do have some old school feelings about what being a man means. I’m the proverbial tip of the spear. I’m the one who steps up and deals with the problems. It’s also my responsibility to remain capable of that. If that means getting physical or mental health treatment, so be it. “Manning up” is me stepping into that role and mindset. I take on the strain, so that those I care about don’t have to.
The poem “If”, while dated is a good baseline for what manliness should mean.
Time to shine? There’s always old mate at work who has a good one-liner. “The shit jobs are the good jobs” (everyone knows it’s a rubbish job so they’ll cut you some slack) “Sometimes your the fuckor & sometime your the fuckee” “Weeeel, that’s a shitter” “Maybe kick this one back to the brains trust” And so on
“You’ll feel better once you go through” IMO fits rather well what OP is asking for. Specially for self-advice.
[mini-rant] People, stop assuming random orthogonal shit into the left-right axis. Seriously.
I can get why “man up” would be typically right-winger due to the sex-based stereotypes. (“Rather curiously” not mentioned by anyone here, right?) However, doing it directly with the “fuck your feelings” is stupid. [/mini-rant]
I’m confused what you mean by your mini-rant. Are you asserting that “fuck your feelings” and “man up” are not right wing coded, but equally likely to come from a leftist? I think theoretically that’s maybe true but anecdotally that language does tend to be used by the right and not so much by the left, in my experience
I’m confused what you mean by your mini-rant. Are you asserting that “fuck your feelings” and “man up” are not right wing coded, but equally likely to come from a leftist?
That’s an excellent example of what I said just yesterday about sealioning in Reddit: "in Reddit for example your typical sea lion says “I don’t understand, [insert question making a straw man of your proposition]? I’m so confused…”
Drop off the sealion if you feel entitled to a serious answer.
I’ve seen a lot of discussion about sealioning on Lemmy and reddit over the years, and it’s never made much sense to me. If I were a right winger trying to discredit your point, it doesn’t seem like a good tactic to ask (misleading) clarifying questions. Any decent debater would use those questions to further educate potential readers on the specifics of their argument/ideology.
That being said, I would still appreciate a clarification.
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