Friday morning breakfast. Lately I’ve been making fancy pancakes. Last time was apple cinnamon pancakes with real maple syrup and a honey-vanilla compound butter. It was divine.
Ever heard of chocolate covered espresso beans? Most better candy shops have them, as well as some coffee shops. Think peanut M&Ms except with espresso beans instead of peanuts.
When I have enough saved up, I go to a friend of mine that’s an artist and make a request, especially if I’ve made a new character recently. It feels like I get to have my imagination put into visible, concrete form.
Lately it’s been beans and toast? Weird, but I look forward to it. Can’t eat tooo many beans ofc, for social reasons, so that’s why it feels like a treat
This would generally very quickly stop being a casual conversation saying stuff like that, there’s no point to it. Most of us get it, we’re not here to be reminded.
Small charcuterie board. Nothing fancy: a salame, two cheeses, olives. Then I open some wine or beer (depending on climate - I’m fine drinking sangria now in the summer but I’d rather not do it with this).
That’s specially fun when my sister is visiting, since my sis and my BIL also love this stuff.
I feel defeated when good people here say they feel like this. There’s so much I’d offer to fix this feeling people have. I really wish you the best if not actively able to help in some way.
Therapy can help. I also had suicidal thought and after a year and change of weekly sessions life is a lot more enjoyable. Won’t pretend to know the mental health system in your area, but it’s something worth pursing. You deserve happiness just as much as anyone else.
You literally do. A relationship something from 3 decades ago is not a life sentance to pain. Flogging yourself about whatever happened helps no one, especially not her.
I care for you. I know how hard it is to get started. But I feel you wouldn’t have left a comment like that unless you needed someone to tell you it’s okay to be better. It’s okay to work on it. You deserve better then to lock yourself in a prison of misery.
I’d agree but it was my fault. I broke up with her in an impulsive ADHD spaz. And then I didn’t try hard enough to get her back. I felt maybe if I respected her boundaries she’d allow me back in her life but it never happened. I should’ve tried harder to communicate.
So nope! It’s all self-hatred from here on down. Plus the turtles.
Oh sweetie, we all do silly things in our youth we regret. Thats part of life and growing older. This is absoutly nothing to ruminate over. I really think you can improve your day to day by working on your mental health. Self-hatred is easy, but its miserable and serves no one.
Very kind of you but the fact remains for me that the shadow of this relationship follows me everywhere and I can’t let it go or forgive myself for destroying it. No counselling will help. It is what it is.
I understand that our lives are brief and pointless. The only magic is what we create in our own heads, sometimes dangerously. I don’t claim to be special or demand the universe unwind back 30 years to fix it. She’s moved on. I haven’t. It’s pathetic on my part, but there it is. TBH I’d rather we had kept going and destroyed each other, or she cheated on me or pretty much anything else except what actually happened.
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