Idk about you but for me this turned out to be just a weird looking fear of commitment. It felt like fomo, but once I realized what it was, it … well, I didn’t stop thinking about other girls right away, but it lost its power to make me actually lose interest in the girl I was with.
I’m still with the girl I was with when I realized all this, so, imo that’s pretty meaningful.
(Fwiw I never stopped “thinking” about other girls but now it’s very unreal. I’ve been with my wife for 15 years and the idea of going back through all that intro relationship bullshit sounds like torture – plus, odds are, whoever she is won’t be better than my wife, and, of course, it would super hurt my wife’s feelings, and probably mine too, and I really like her feelings not to be hurt. Also we have kids, which raises the bar for how shitty the relationship with my wife would have to be in order to spilt up.)
this is kinda like having adhd where you put a shit ton of effort into overcoming the initial challenge of something and then immediately lose all interest after you’ve overcome the biggest hurdle and leave the project completely abandoned for the rest of eternity
I’ve done this but my two relationships were shorter, with more time in between, I only thought this the second time, and instead of breaking it off myself I got dumped both times.
Sounds like OP was focused on finding someone cute and willing to date him, than someone he genuinely clicked with and could have fun with even without sex. Don’t get me wrong, sex is great and very important for couples (outside of the Ace spectrum), but I truly pity people who aren’t dating their best friends.
When I was much younger this was an issue because I’d pursue people out of loneliness, not because they were actually a good match. After we’d be together for a few weeks, the loneliness would go away, and then I’d realise that I didn’t like them to begin with. Awful to do that to other people, I know.
Worked on it through therapy and overcame this behaviour.
Took me until my late 20s/early 30s and four years being single before I was ready to truly commit and I’ve been in the same relationship for six years now.
Probably, but could just as well be anxious attachment since we don’t have the whole story. I’m on the anxious side and this happens a lot if the other doesn’t show enough interest or is closed off in conversation.
My first thought was OP is dismissive avoidant. It’s the no-overlap Venn diagram of, “I want to be close enough to be loved, but not close enough to be hurt.” OP: go take one of the attachment style tests online. There’s a lot of good stuff that might help you get out of this Catch 22. Who knows, though? There is scant information.
OP: do you find yourself resenting your partner? Wishing they’d get out of your space/stop bugging you with their needs?
Might be genetic, gotta spread them genes to new gals. Up to you if you want to admit defeat to your ancestors DNA’s algorithm or take control of your own mind and body
It’s not a race? There probably shouldn’t be any particular “goal” of a relationship. You’re in one because it’s good for you both, not to complete some checklist.
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