Smoogs,

Imagine answering every email that has URGENT in it. This sounds like a bot.

BonesOfTheMoon,

I maybe took Ambien last night and sent him one. Haha. It said urgent, ur a pedo.

Obonga,

Man, giving internet access to the unhinged might have been a bad idea but it IS very entertaining to say the least.

Flax_vert,

“or with parental consent”

kattenluik,
irreticent,

Nobody cares.

kattenluik,

Alright? I didn’t need anyone to.

ICastFist,
@ICastFist@programming.dev avatar

Did he get parental consent to procreate? We should talk to his mom and dad

massacre, (edited )

I genuinely thought I was reading /c/lemmy_shitpost - great googilly moogilly

SidewaysHighways,

Goodness gracious laventacious

MNByChoice, (edited )

The rest of you are correct. I want to loop back to the start.

“God’s instincts”? The fuck man. The church of my youth would string him up for suggesting that either “God operates on instinct” or that “human’s should operate on instinct”.

PointyDorito,
@PointyDorito@lemmy.world avatar

This was really funny until that last part. What the fuck

CameronDev,

Yeah, what kind of sick fuck uses Yahoo email…

BonesOfTheMoon,

Thinking of emailing him and just saying “I give parental consent, send me your credit card”.

Aztechnology,

What is Unjabbed?

AndyMFK,

unvaccinated

Kraiden,

I'm real

Such a perfect specimen of manliness surely can't exist in our cold, imperfect reality.

ThatFembyWho,

Single? Shocking!

Damaged? In the brain, surely.

If this is the best humanity can do, then we are doomed and cursed.

irreticent,

Well, we might be doomed and cursed… but I think humanity as a whole can do better.

This is the best truth.social can do.

masquenox,

I’d say these people need Jesus… but they’d shoot Jesus for trespassing.

nonfuinoncuro,

defend the border!

some_guy,

“… or with parental consent.”

fluxion,

Also needs to be “damaged”, not just any random happy-go-lucky minor.

Buddahriffic,

Also the emphasis on ride or die tells me he’s going to be controlling right from the start. And the “follow god’s instincts” tells me he thinks his instincts are god’s.

ThatFembyWho,

Jfc I didn’t even process that on the first read. Instant creep factor x10.

BonesOfTheMoon,

For a 53-year-old. Mm.

sxan,
@sxan@midwest.social avatar

Yeah. Those two parts were as separated as he could get them, and still were the only part of this I remember.

Half your age plus seven, guy. It’s in the bible, I swear. Leviticus.

Obonga,

Ohh and i thought it was half my age minus seven. My bad.

VeganCheesecake,

Meh, I always found that a bit rigid. I don’t have a problem with a 60 and a 30 year old person getting it on if they both want it. Maybe something simple like “Don’t try to exploit immature people, you massive creep.”

sxan,
@sxan@midwest.social avatar

A 30-yo is undoubtedly an adult. It’s more about the “needing parental permission” that makes it creepy.

VeganCheesecake, (edited )

I get that, and agree with that, I was just replying to the often cited “rule” mentioned by the commenter above, that I feel some are taking too seriously.

Edit: Oh, wait, you’re the commenter above. Well, I’ll just leave my comment like it is, I guess.

sxan,
@sxan@midwest.social avatar

I was thinking the thing about Leviticus would give it away. Wasn’t the rule made up in a TV show, like Always Sunny?

VeganCheesecake,

Well, whenever you make a joke online, there’s bound to be someone to dense to get it. This time, that seems to have been me.

sxan,
@sxan@midwest.social avatar

My real curiosity pique here is whether or not you really like vegan cheesecake. There are 2 deserts that I countenance absolutely no needing with: one is Philadelphia cream cheesecake, and the other is crème brûlée. Like, every chef in every restaurant has to out their personal touch on crème brûlée and add something: oh, I’m so original, I’ll add sage, or habeñero, or paint shavings, or some shit. It’s: heavy creme, egg yolks, and sugar; that’s it! Stop fucking with my desert!

But we have a dairy allergy in the family, and while I won’t countenance bastardized crème brûlée, we do eat the occasional vegan cheesecake, especially if it’s not trying to be a cream cheese cheesecake. They’re not bad - Daiya makes a decent New York style one - but I don’t know I like them so well I’d choose it as a username.

So, I wonder: are you passionate about vegan cheesecake, or is there irony in there?

VeganCheesecake,

I’ve never tried Philadelphia Cheesecake before I went vegan, but had a penchant for New York Cheesecake.

I used to dread vegan cheesecake because I felt it was never quite the same, but over the years, the recipes seem to have gotten better, or I’ve gotten better at finding good ones, so I’m pretty at peace with it now.

The actual reason my account’s named that is actually that I was eating a piece of vegan cheesecake when I made it, though.

Now nice crème brûlée is heaven, and I haven’t yet dared try my hand at a vegan version. Maybe I’ll try it soon, just because this reminded me of that still being on my list.

sxan,
@sxan@midwest.social avatar

Vegan crème brûlée would be an incredible challenge. Seriously. It’s literally just heavy cream and egg yolks (and a touch of sugar). There’s nothing non-vegan in the base recipe. And my wife can eat neither dairy nor eggs because of an autoimmune disease, and we’ve tried every substitute for both eggs and dairy. You might get the thickness of the cream from coconut milk, but then it tastes like coconut. And aquafava is a decent egg replacer and might give you the loft, but it’s a better egg white replacer than egg yolk, and the recipe calls for yolks (you discard, or use the whites in something else). There’s no good vegan replacement for yolks; it’s a curse in baking. There are 80 million dairy replacers, some quite good, but eggs are still not there. Just is Ok for some uses, but not for baking.

VeganCheesecake,

Yeah, that’s partially why I haven’t tried it yet. But I mean, the worst that could happen is that I get some white cream stuff that’s almost, but not quite, unlike crème brûlée.

AnUnusualRelic, (edited )
@AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world avatar

Well, the koran says between one half and one seventh your age. Checkmate atheists!

ObsidianZed,

Yeah that made me physically shudder.

Lifecoach5000,

I’m sad for my city

odium,

You and me both buddy

neptune, (edited )

w/m? Woman man? With man?

Edit: my guess are funnier

ApathyTree, (edited )
@ApathyTree@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

With maggots.

Whole mess.

Whoa, man!

Weaponized masturbator?

Sorry couldn’t help myself :D

lolola,
@lolola@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

i’m assuming “white male” or “white man”

BonesOfTheMoon,

White male.

Ashyr,

To paraphrase Serenity,

“Ah, BonesOfTheMoon, you always bring me the very best insanity.”

BonesOfTheMoon,

Ahahahahah. I’m here to serve. This is what I get for being a fake Nazi on Facebook.

Aganim,

Oof, talking about taking one for the team… Your service is much appreciated. 🫡

BonesOfTheMoon,

Nazis are the most humorless people on earth. That’s why they are Nazis. Take it from me.

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