I was in a busy coffee shop and had been there quite a while. I had someone ask me if they could take my seat in about 10 minutes and I was fine with it. I finished my croissant right as they got their drinks and it was a nice trade off. Whys this guy such a douche? I doubt the lady actually said it this forcefully.
Everyone who is #ProudlyAsshole keeps ignoring and/or skipping over the fact that in these scenarios that are being discussed that we’re talking about publically shared resources that are in short supply, be it a table in a crowded restaurant, or a parking space at a huge complex.
It really is rude to hog a shared resource. Use it, then move on. Quickly.
Yeah, sure, but you’re potentially messing with the business’s customers. That’s not cool. Just stay the appropriate time to enjoy your meal and make room for others to enjoy it as well.
Yeah, sure, but you’re potentially messing with the business’s customers.
No not really, because if you’re eating at the type of venue where the customers arrange for their own seating, it’s a valid ask, and the owners of the restaurant don’t monitor that and wouldn’t consider that interference.
If you’re eating at a venue where the restaurant staff seats you, then you wouldn’t really be asking someone how long they’re going to be at a table, and therefore not interfering.
Just stay the appropriate time to enjoy your meal and make room for others to enjoy it as well.
That’s all I’m advocating, plus don’t get angry/upset if someone asks you how much longer you’re going to be, especially when resources are scarce.
Don’t be an asshole, we have enough of that shit going around these days.
Possibly, but in other social contexts (aka a cafe in Europe or elsewhere) time pressure might not be a priority. Having a single seating for the entire morning may not seem viable, but can be in some places.
Possibly, but in other social contexts (aka a cafe in Europe or elsewhere) time pressure might not be a priority. Having a single seating for the entire morning may not seem viable, but can be in some places.
Well if seating capacity is not a problem, then there is no issue. I’m speaking towards when resources are rare and shared.
I have people follow me to my car at the grocery store when they notice I’m in a good spot (there are other, less desirable spots available, mind you). I take my sweet time loading my bags make sure nothing will tip over in transit. And during the time I’m loading, sometimes I decide I need something from the adjacent liquor store.
I’ve never understood why people sit and wait for spots when there’s spots available. Drive around. If someone is pulling out, sure, but don’t watch people load their shit up.
At the Costco by me following a person to their car is the only way to get a spot… The parking lot legitimately fills completely, unless you’re willing to park very far away where there aren’t even cart returns…
And that’s an issue with that Costco and that sucks, I’ve certainly been to places where there’s just too much traffic that the lot cannot support it. My local grocery store just isn’t like this. If you move down the aisle you’ll find spots, just 100 feet more of a walk.
Must be different in your part of California, where I’m at it isn’t an issue at all… Almost always plenty of spaces if you’re willing to walk an extra fifty feet and people will still camp for better spots in perfect weather. It’s honestly maddening.
I don’t think you get the scale of parking lots in Texas, or how far back you’d have to walk to return your cart at that point. I’m not even sure that part of the parking area isn’t technically the next restaurant’s lot instead.
Okay yeah, I’m a bit more awake now. I don’t want to walk, and if you’re packing up your car, I think it’s fair for me to wait patiently for you to finish up to take your spot. You’re already clearly intending to leave, and I don’t mind if you take a minute to set up your GPS or whatever, it’s not like I’m honking at you.
Yeah, not sure why you’ve been absolutely blasted by downvoters. How is someone silently waiting for another to vacate a spot they’ve indicated they will soon be leaving some harsh, aggressive gesture? Somehow, the silent, vague “pressure” that someone is also interested in something they’ve temporarily occupied is distressing. Public bathrooms must be hell for them.
Honestly, your point is way better than mine, and even you’ve received downvotes for it. Like, bathroom lines exist. Sucks if you have shy bladder, but that doesn’t make the person behind you need to pee any less either.
Yeah, except you’re standing in the doorway, literally the frame of the door, waiting for one specific toilet to become available because it suits your needs, in spite of the one next to it being available as well, and now everyone’s gotta brush up against you to get in and out of the goddamn bathroom.
It’s more like there’s another toilet available at the other end of the terminal, and everything in this bathroom is occupied. Again, lines for bathrooms exist.
Yeah and they all work at my company. I swear to God there’s people who put more time and effort into avoiding doing work than it would be to just do the work. The worst is when they get angry at me for how long it takes for me to do their job.
Anyway I probably should get back to searching for another job…
No, sorry, the dick move is sitting around blocking all traffic while you wait for someone to load their car. You don’t even know for sure they’re about to leave, they may have forgotten something and need to run back in. Or may have various other reasons that it takes a few minutes to finish and back out that you have no way of knowing.
Forcing everyone behind you to wait for you to get your desired spot is incredibly self centered and arrogant.
Yeah, I don’t sit and block traffic because I’m too lazy to find another spot. “Do unto others,” you know? I don’t like being made to move faster because you just need this spot.
EDIT: And hold up, you’ll move your car and load it? So you will leave your groceries just in a cart, go and move your car to some further spot, and load it there? How is that at all the right thing to do? Where are you moving your car to, an empty spot? Like, one the person who’s sitting there waiting could’ve parked their car?
Yeah, maybe I don’t understand what you mean on the second point. But aisle widths where I’m from run 20-24 feet for two-way traffic, and while, sure, you can fit three side by side, you’re getting tight, and the lot is full of folks who generally don’t understand the size of their vehicle and so you get a bottleneck. I just think waiting for a spot is rude, and you apparently feel differently, and that’s fine. If it means anything, I’m not downvoting you, I think we’re having a discussion, one that I started in particular, and I’m always down to talk about things that are ultimately pretty meaningless, because it’s much better than talking about things that matter.
Whenever someone is waiting for me to unload my groceries and move, I suddenly have the urge to check my messages and catch up on some blah blah blah. Doesn’t really matter what.
The moment the person moves on, I remember what I was doing. Doesn’t matter if they immediately do a u turn and snag it, that’s not the point.
I got two. I park where there’s three open spots together to avoid altogether even the small possibility of a door making contact with an adjacent vehicle. I feel you though, I do also like to get them off the blacktop sooner rather than later.
ya, I remembered when my kid was 1 1/2 and wanted to walk everywhere. He almost got ran over by some dipshit in a BMW. So, I always try and park closer to the building.
People be like “we don’t know if that exact quote is how it happened”. Duh! We don’t know if anything of that story even happened we don’t even know if the tweeter is a human or a cat.
However it makes no sense to assume part of the story to be true and a different part not. You either for a discussion assume it to be true or not.
For other discussion not about the situation it may make sense to only assume part of the story. But this is rarely the case.
Yeah it feels like something from Seinfeld. Many things on TV are fiction but it doesn’t mean it’s not funny. Or isn’t analogous to real life scenarios that we can talk about now.
Whether or not anything described actually happened is irrelevant.
Honestly who cares? You don’t gain any power by assuming any story on the internet which affects no one is fake. This whole “fake and gay” culture from Reddit should stop.
Well then she could be a daddy’s girl who got everything she ever wanted and just doesn’t understand the concept that the world doesn’t revolve around her. Glad someone could show it to her.
Such a strange immature response to that comment. You know nothing about that person, you don’t know their maturity level, or what they’ve been given in life for free and what they needed to fight for.
All they did was ask if the person could finish up so that she could have the table, a shared resource that’s in limited supply that all citizens would need to use at that restaurant.
You know sometimes you really don’t have to be such hard asses to each other, truly. Even if it was a little over the top, we only have one side of what was literally said, and the tone of how it was said was not included at all.
why would you care for people who exploit the baseline care given from others but themselves do not care for others? you’re enabling and encouraging this breakdown of societal care by accommodating the loud-mouth arrogant bullies like the “hurry up” woman to the degree that you seemingly elevate them above the average person.
“being kind” does not mean “being a doormat”, you seem to have conflated those things.
Has anyone ever asked you to hurry up and finish so they can have your table?
I’ve been almost done with a meal and somebody askes me if I’ll be vacating the table soon. I’ll answer them yes, especially in a crowded venue.
I would consider it rude the hog the table, especially when there are no tables available and I’m done with my meal. My ego is not that fragile that I can’t handle doing another human being a favor and getting out of there so they can have the table (as long as I’m done that is).
Its such a weird thing to argue over, and looking at the downvotes, it seems like people here on Lemmy are just really pissed off at people these days (or they are conflict bots). No good things will come from that level of anger.
and I consider it similarly rude to just walk up and tell someone “hurry up”.
why are you acting like the person at the table now is inherently inferior to the one that wants the table? OP is “hogging” the table as much as the girl would have when she sat with her friends. less, because she’s there to meet someone socially and not just eat and leave. she’ll be “hogging the table” for a lot longer. if someone new walks in right when her friend sits down with her and says “leave, this is my table now”, you believe the correct course of action would be to immediately end the friend meetup and vacate immediately, as commanded? what if the new person is just 1 person? what if the new person represents a party of 5?
if your goal, as it seems, is to minimized use of the shared resources to maximize throughput use and thus make it available for the most people, then you would not support the idea of meeting friends at a restaurant at all.
why is the person sitting alone using the table for its intended purpose of eating a meal from the restaurant inherently inferior to a person wanting to claim a space to sit at and socialize for a while? why are the latter so superior that it justifies such rude behavior towards the prior?
why do you believe a single person using the table to eat food from the establishment is “hogging” it, whereas two people using the table for a social meeting aren’t?
You are such a dipshit tool. The rudeness is on the person being rude, somehow such a simple concept is beyond you, because you’re twisting it around so forcefully.
I get the impression that you’re a sorry incel type that goes out of their way to white knight women online. I bet dollars to doughnuts that if OP said “a lovely young man” instead of “lady” you’d be raging against the idea of asking to have someone’s seat. Foaming at the mouth that guys should leave people alone at tables they paid money to sit at.
Its such a weird thing to argue over, and looking at the downvotes, it seems like people here on Lemmy are just really pissed off at people these days (or they are conflict bots). No good things will come from that level of anger.
You’ve been arguing so much in the comments that you’ve forgotten OP’s stated story and adopted your own fiction to defend. Like you said, it’s a weird thing to argue over, because what you’re talking about is not what anybody else is talking about. That’s why you’re getting down voted. But sure, convince yourself it’s pissed off people or “conflict bots,” whatever the hell that is. More fiction for your la-di-da world.
Where I come from if someone gracefully asked if I’d be leaving soon I’d have no problem accommodating them if it suited me fine. The operative word is suited, because I don’t owe strangers anything. I can choose to be generous, or be in my right to reserve my generosity for someone who is more deserving. Doing so doesn’t make me a bad person.
However, this is not what happened according to OP. The person suggested they hurry because they needed their table. That’s so rude I’m completely blown away at your effort here in the comments to white wash it and scold others for not being doormats like you want to be. Have fun with that.
She was not. She was ordering OP to finish and leave, because she viewed herself as more valuable and more entitled to the shared resource than OP is, and therefore expected them to comply.
If she had merely asked for a favor instead of issuing an order, it could have been different.
You don’t bring your own seat on an airplane either. It comes with you purchasing a flight to a destination. Those certainly aren’t shared.
Those seats are assigned to you, not one that you obtain yourself.
I mentioned in another comment about how different restaurant venues have it where sometimes you have to get your own seating, and other times the restaurant gets the seating for you. The airline would be the same thing as the restaurant getting the seating for you.
I’m talking about you having to get your seat yourself, not assigned by the restaurant.
The seats are still owned by the restaurant and designated for people who have paid for meals. They don’t typically welcome people who are not buying to come sit down. So it’s not a “shared resource”. You pay for a meal, you get a table until you’re finished. If you want to share that table or not is up to you or the rules of the restaurant.
The seats are still owned by the restaurant and designated for people who have paid for meals. They don’t typically welcome people who are not buying to come sit down. So it’s not a “shared resource”. You pay for a meal, you get a table until you’re finished. If you want to share that table or not is up to you or the rules of the restaurant.
Two people can’t sit in the same chair at the same time, so it’s a shared resource.
And again, we’re not talking about ownership, we’re talking about usage, by ALL customers.
You’re being intellectually dishonest, and it shows with the quality of your responses.
Two people can’t sit in the same chair at the same time.
That’s exactly what makes it not shared. Only one person can use it at a time and they are entitled to it for the duration of their meal. Demanding that they rush through their meal so you can have it is hardly sharing.
Intellectually dishonest? How? Just because I don’t agree with you doesn’t make that true.
No it doesn’t, because they both have a need for it and one is finishing their need, and the other one is going to need. It’s a transactional event thats happening, and if the person who’s using it doesn’t need it anymore they can move on and release the resource for the next person to use. And if they don’t, then they’re being rude and selfish.
Again, you’re being intellectually dishonest. I say that because I know you understand the concept of one thing needed to be used by two people so they take turns using the thing and not hogging up the thing when they know another person needs the thing.
Demanding that they rush through their meal so you can have it is hardly sharing.
That was not being said (again being intellectually dishonest by misrepresenting what was being said). The person was inquiring when they would be done. No demand was being made.
“Hurry up and finish your breakfast, my friend is coming and wants your seat.” Is not asking when he’ll be done. They’re asking him to rush through it. Not rushing through your meal so they can have it faster is not “hogging” the seat. He paid for that meal and is entitled to enjoy it at his own pace.
He paid for that meal and is entitled to enjoy it at his own pace.
I’m going to not continue the conversation at this point, as I’m just repeating myself now, especially since you’re not being intellectually honest about replying to the points I’m stating directly, and instead you go around them and bring up a different points already discussed and answered.
You can look at the other comments I’ve made on this subject and get a full understanding of where I’m coming from, if you care, which I suspect you really don’t, based on our conversation.
precisely. there was no need for her to stress out OP by telling him he had to hurry. she could have moved the meet to a less busy restaurant, or waited for a table to open like the rest of us, or possibly even politely asked instead of dictating rudely.
Yes? I’ve done that tons of times when I get to a restaurant and it turns out to be crowded I’ll call whoever I’m meeting and work out an alternative.
With less than 15 minutes ago, when they may already have been pulling into a parking garage?
I’m not saying it’s impossible, but I’m just speaking towards how much time was left until the appointment time, hard to handle changes on the fly with so little time left. Not impossible, but hard.
Any restaurant I’ve been to that has a parking garage also had half a dozen other place within walking distance. Changing venue isn’t really an issue unless they all are crowded in which case that’s on us for planning poorly. Even if there’s not another place within walking distance driving to another location is trivial. 15 minutes is more than enough time.
Scenario 1: In those 15 minutes the likely thing happened that a table became available and the woman is waiting at it and didn’t need to interrupt and stress out anyone.
Scenario 2: Unfortunately there’re still no seats available, so the woman proposes to her friend to either wait a bit longer or find another restaurant nearby.
Scenario 3: the person finishes up their meal quickly allowing the other person who is waiting for the table to have it.
Asking someone for a favor isn’t stressing someone. If that actually does stress them then they have worse problems than being asked to finish their meal quickly.
Be excellent with each other. The world will be a much better place if we all try to practice that.
Let others enjoy their meal at peace. Asking someone to “hurry up” is not a favour and extremely rude.
If she wanted to ask for a favour, it should go something like this: “Sorry to interrupt, are you nearly finished? Could we have your seat if you are done?” And then patiently wait however long it takes for them to finish.
Be excellent with each other.
How does this defend the person that was being rude lol
How does this defend the person that was being rude lol
Asking for a favor is not being rude (assuming if it’s been asked nicely). Especially if you’re hogging a shared resource that’s in limited supply (seating).
Let others enjoy their meal at peace. Asking someone to “hurry up” is not a favour and extremely rude.
Seating is a limited public resource shared by all. It’s really not that unreasonable if the restaurant is being slammed and there’s no tables available.
At the end of the day, if you know the restaurant is so busy and table seating is a huge problem why not get in and get out quickly, and share the resource with your fellow citizens, and make everyone’s day a little better.
There’s so much anger and hate going on right now, we really could try to be a little understanding with each other and tamping that hate down.
At the end of the day, if you know the restaurant is so busy and table seating is a huge problem…
… why not make plans with a backup restaurant in mind if you’re meeting up with friends, just in case it’s full already like it often is?
What if every other table was already occupied by people meeting friends. They’re all entitled to be there. This lady only bullied OP and told him to hurry up because he was there alone. And what you’re saying is that if you’re alone, you’re not really entitled to use shared resources beyond the absolute minimum necessary?
You’re calling for mutual understanding while supporting the position of someone who demonstrably has none as she goes around ordering people to leave public spaces becauss they think they’re more important. ‘Mutual understanding’ is revoked when it’s clear the other party only wants to abuse it.
A restaurant is a private business and their seating is private, I don’t believe any restaurant would be happy with some random trying to hurry on their customers.
If a customer is taking excessive time it would be up to the staff to request them to move on.
A restaurant is a private business and their seating is private, I don’t believe any restaurant would be happy with some random trying to hurry on their customers.
If a customer is taking excessive time it would be up to the staff to request them to move on.
Totally depends on the venue, and how much control the restaurant staff has on the seating, versus if people come in and manage their own seating.
What I took from the original tweet was it’s the latter, and not the former.
Because people pay to eat their food and don’t want to get forced to move by people who think their lives are more important than others. If the meeting is so important, make a reservation.
Your failure to plan is not my problem. I don’t owe you any favors.
I don’t know your life experiences I don’t know why you have such a hard ass perspective on things.
All I’m advocating for is that in society, when we all need access to shared resources, especially when they are in limited supply, that we use those resources as quickly as we can, and then we move on, so the next person can use them.
That can’t be such a difficult concept to understand, and it makes the world work so much better when there’s less friction in it.
Hell, the Japanese even have a name for it (society cooperation, and how you act).
I said that in my previous comment and you conveniently avoided it.
No, it’s just separate from what I quoted, and what I was responding to you about. A general responsibility to others, and how others plan their events, are two different things. I was commenting just on the responsibility part, and not the planning part.
But, to comment on your second part that you quoted yourself on (weird, but okay), no human being on this planet is 100% correct 100% of the time, and plans 100% perfectly.
If we just cut each other some slack, and help each other out, things would be much better for all, because it’s in our nature to not be perfect.
yes. it is not everyone else’s responsibility to reshape reality to accommodate me. if the restaurant I’m meeting a friend at is full when we both get there, and it looks like the wait will be too long for us, we go to a backup location. sometimes that happens. it’s life. at no point do we assume a position of superiority and arrogance and start accosting already-seated patrons issuing orders to vacate to make room for us. that would make me and my friends pieces of shit.
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