@RickiTarr Nobody has a say over your health. If you decide to seek out therapy, YOU are seeking therapy. Nobody else has to live in your skin, and they have zero jurisdiction in what you do to preserve your health. Unsolicited opinions on the matter are worthless and should be treated as such.
@RickiTarr I simply don't understand that perspective. When my partner and I have issues and they are struggling with it, I encourage them to talk to their therapist about it. I mean, that's what it's for.
@Kierkegaanks That's a good question, if I've ever had those moments where I felt uncomfortable about someone changing, it's usually fear of being left behind or losing the person I indulged in bad behavior with.
I remember my brother telling me the worst part of getting off hard drugs was suddenly all the people you thought were your friends weren't your friends anymore.
I work for a conglomerate and changed offices a number of times over the years. I keep in touch with friends in my old offices.
After the divorce, I noticed that people I knew in my first office weren't picking up calls or responding to emails or messages. It was blatant and obvious I was being shunned. These were people I'd been friends with for over twenty years. I eventually found out that a rumour had been going around that office that I was gay.
I'm not, but if that's how they felt, I no longer wanted to keep in touch with them. Very disappointing.
I was so puzzled by the change in behaviour. At first I thought it was because I'd divorced, but others in that office had done the same, so I was a bit at sea.
Another work friend had a project out of that office, so worked there for a few months. He found out about the rumour. It had started due to someone else sharing my name, though spelled differently. It took off from there.
But exactly. What would it have mattered? Gay, straight or other, I'm still the same person I'd always been.
@Kierkegaanks@RickiTarr It's also family members and friends. They feel threatened by someone changing their behaviour, which changes their status in the relationship. Suddenly this person is not doing their bidding, tolerating their crap, etc. Relationships like that are like co-dependencies.
@RickiTarr@tayfonay this is very extra true when doing child/adolescent psychotherapy. It's also why I injure my eye rolling muscles when I find my colleagues do not pace the parent(s) along to reduce that risk
@RickiTarr I have also seen narcissists abuse this philosophy. Maybe it's best they would talk themselves out of a relationship sparing the other person years of abuse.
@ChickenPwny Yeah they are experts at gaslighting. It's interesting, because it always seems like everyone outside of the relationship sees it immediately, and it can take a long time for the other person to really see it. To be fair, it took me years to realize how messed up my upbringing was, so been there done that.
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