nailed down
we howl as we re-form ourselves
to circumstances
beyond control
(the ordinary difficulties of life)
every breath a thunderhead
and the gnawing frost claws
gouging our churned guts
just numbingly agonising enough
(little troubles medicalised)
and so what, to them, if the little pills
are all that keep us from the darkness
so what if they let us distend and tear
until we're close enough to pass
blonde youth sunbathing
too soon greyed
spheres more air than seed
for the breeze to fill
feel trapped a panicked moment
then stretch everything to floating
or how you plucked the thing
and kissed air into the flight
of the next generation
and jealousy prickled electric
that a kiss was given
other than to me
petty, i picked my own, blew
"we've made kids, kind of"
you said, dissolving me
into tomorrow
wend and weave
calm my skin with kisses
calm my lips with your skin
we lazy-play hours away
heat-hazed and amazed
by accidental detours
thrilling mundane mixed up
crossing paths with ghosts
we could have been, perhaps
from different choices
follow the slow river
slake our thirst
see where the moods run
or the unfurling exhale of this universe
we float and spin
sleep and wake
discover ourselves
without intending to
we refused the bridge
there is joy in the valley
wading the river
ascending to sit a spell
peace in one curved thing
we share in lives of edges
and the need to choose a side
a fingertip
brush
remembers
edges skirted
stitched stretched fabrics
or carefully knit words
and promises
unmade and unbroken
the shape of dawn
through curtains
unseen
and where
skins end
and selves begin
blurred
and
dreamt
only
it's not
that i dislike people
or not just that
but more
that i require
silence
space
and time
to fill
as i choose
and a chance
to visit with myself
knowing hours
are always shorter
than we would wish
and work and play
both remain
outstanding
and
increasingly
demanding
what does no pain feel like
is it calm
like sitting in sunlight
warm but not burning
or safe under the covers
knowing there is time
and you are allowed to sleep
is it gentle
that absence of ache and stab
does it mean anything
if it's just normal
thirty years
of this
give or take
this is one of the days
i can feel myself
slowly forgetting
how to be a person
the air
fuels you
return it
with blessing
and the knitted
breathed vibrations
in the room
shake us
and make us
more
than we were
so we all
return
better
A moderne of the name Celia Trent
caught all eyes at a Soho event,
but her parachute pants
caught the wind; and in France
they still talk of her sudden descent.
we begin a journey
across multiple territories
known, forgotten, never known
beneath skies wider than dreams
my old places revisited are new to you
even as i'm guiding you
through tangled backstreets
to a favourite destination
you're noticing things i hadn't
enriching the whole day -
beyond where i wanted to reach
we find a place new to us both
a cliff edge and a view
that breaks and heals
you take my hand and smile
we jump
you could track it
through back streets
you don't
hungry though you are
because whatever
dull warehouse
is the source
could never match
the power of that scent
to turn you inside out
from sad to better
not happy, perhaps
but capable of happiness
or at least of knowing
you were happy
once upon a time
so, smiling in dark cold
you're breathing deep
walking a little looser
smiling
in spite of yourself
all the way
to breakfast
let's leave a pile of words here
i don't know if you need them
but look-
they fit together
whimsical velvet owlflight swoop
or focused 'how are you?'
a re-run race round rubies radiant ribboned
machinery to build a house from skeins of clotted letters
spiders dancing in snow
or my hand open if skin will help
infinite opportunity
no spells here though
just play - you choose
and okay, if we're lucky, yes
magic(ish)
days eat their own tails
and i think each time
if i can just sleep
if i can remember a ring
made from daisies
on a summer day
before i dreaded
the cycling crushing
repetition
as a child
i often dreamt of bread
within which lurked living wires
which would infest my body
coil round my heart
when i took a bite
eventually they escaped my dreams
and my waking became haunted
instead