@Traiken@mastodon.social
@Traiken@mastodon.social avatar

Traiken

@Traiken@mastodon.social

Setting up a new creative home at https://ko-fi.com/traiken Go there for music, art, and more (insert GeoCities under construction gif here)

https://traiken.bandcamp.com for electronic rock and experimental music
https://kentrai.bandcamp.com for Vocaloid songs

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Traiken, to random
@Traiken@mastodon.social avatar

Locks in moisture -- and never lets it out! Your skin is now a prison for hydration, and this lotion is the warden!

Traiken, to random
@Traiken@mastodon.social avatar

haunted Brita filter, always leaves your water eerie and cold as the grave

Traiken, to random
@Traiken@mastodon.social avatar

In an unintentional coincidence, my second album, Sketchbook Two, is now on streaming services during Bandcamp Friday. Bandcamp is absolutely the better way to support artists! So once you've spent your money on other deserving musicians, you can listen to some more of my early work on Spudify or Apply Music or Pandora's Music Box or whatever is easy for you, I'm just trying to meet people where their ears are

jessica, to random
@jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

I'm going to the bookstore.

I'm going to leave you with words

The best way to help many sick people ... is to simply treat them like human beings.

Talk to them. Interact with them. Do thing for them. It doesn't have to be all the time, but seriously, not doing anything ever because of whatever reason (don't know what to do, eww sick people, whatever) is noticed by sick people that once saw you be there for them in health.

I've cut out a lot of people recently that showed their true colors

Traiken,
@Traiken@mastodon.social avatar

@jessica I imagine similar rules apply to what I told people who didn't know what to say to me in my mourning: I'm not looking for magic words to fix anything. Some things can't be fixed. So people should stop stressing over saying the wrong thing and just say anything, the most innocuous, seemingly-inconsequential anything.

AbandonedAmerica, (edited ) to random
@AbandonedAmerica@mastodon.social avatar

deleted_by_author

    •
    Traiken,
    @Traiken@mastodon.social avatar

    @AbandonedAmerica The cry laugh emoji is the comic sans of emojis, somehow

    Traiken,
    @Traiken@mastodon.social avatar

    @AbandonedAmerica I think the attitude toward comic sans has softened, in part due to people easing off their smugness (guilty as charged, here) and in part due to the fact that its annoying overuse was largely two excruciating decades ago

    jessica, to random
    @jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

    Family is fucking worthless, they just don’t understand the gravity of this. And they are making no effort to understand.

    Traiken,
    @Traiken@mastodon.social avatar

    @jessica Just seeing what you’ve posted online makes it obvious what a terrible situation this is; I cannot imagine how anyone in your life could be so callous. “Family” isn’t an excuse for people to treat you like shit. The fact that they fall short makes them even worse.

    jessica, to random
    @jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

    A dear friend of mine is going to escort me to wherever I end up, to make sure I make it there safely 🖤

    Traiken,
    @Traiken@mastodon.social avatar

    @jessica It all sounds scary and overwhelming, but I’m glad you have help, and help getting help.

    Traiken, to random
    @Traiken@mastodon.social avatar

    I'm so lonely, I could start a podcast

    yoniden, to music

    Next Friday, August 04 2023 is

    With that in mind I thought I might start a recommendations thread. Please feel free to add to the list. Please add your own works, your friends work or just things you really dig!
    As long as it's on bandcamp, it's welcome in the thread!

    If you can, please tell us a little about the music, or give us a few hints or tags. It helps when there is so much out there to know what kinda thing it is. Every type of music is welcome!

    Traiken,
    @Traiken@mastodon.social avatar

    @yoniden Naturally the best place to start with me is my self-proclaimed Best-Of album: https://traiken.bandcamp.com/album/the-best-of-traiken-thus-far
    It's electronic rock, mostly instrumental but some vocal. The very best are tracks 2 and 18, in my opinion.

    jessica, to random
    @jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

    I’m not dead, but I started hallucinating this morning. Trying to hold off going to the hospital as long as I can

    Traiken,
    @Traiken@mastodon.social avatar

    @jessica I appreciate knowing you’re hanging on. I wish I could do something to help more than hope these words bring any comfort.

    jessica, to random
    @jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

    I’m leaving all platforms indefinitely, my writhing, shouting, and screaming is not helping anyone so I will fight my demons, alone. The chips will fall as they are supposed to.

    Traiken,
    @Traiken@mastodon.social avatar

    @jessica You’re not meant to solely entertain people on social media, despite the many efforts to turn it into just that. You’re allowed to vent, and so long as it helps you, it’s good. Take care of yourself in whatever way best fits, but clearly there are people here who don’t want you to leave. More important than that, though, is that you do what helps you most.

    jessica, to random
    @jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

    The static is shouting at me, that things are not okay, will never be ok again, and that I’m a fucking coward for not doing now what I need to in a final act of self love.

    Coward. Worthless. Piece of shit. Omni-hated. It’s screaming. Screaming louder and louder.

    I don’t know how much longer I can hang on and I’m not going to let metaphorical life support to keep me alive so that others can sleep at night. I want this, if it is to be, to be as self-violent as possible.

    Traiken,
    @Traiken@mastodon.social avatar

    @jessica I want to help, even though I don’t know how. But please know that I want to help.

    jessica, to random
    @jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

    Sigh. Birthday day. :(

    Traiken,
    @Traiken@mastodon.social avatar

    @jessica Hope it ends up better than sighworthy

    jessica, to random
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    I might quit my job tomorrow and ride out the last of my life focusing on salvaging what little health I have left.

    I honestly am not going to make 40, why am I doing thing for big corporation?

    Traiken,
    @Traiken@mastodon.social avatar

    @jessica Write down the plan and sit on it, see how it feels during ups and downs, make sure an impulse is something you'd want to follow through

    jessica, to random
    @jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

    ‘Sup night crew?

    Traiken,
    @Traiken@mastodon.social avatar

    @jessica This is what’s up

    Traiken, to random
    @Traiken@mastodon.social avatar

    I bought werewolf bait off Wish, and only caught some surly coyotes and a pug that grunts like a man

    jessica, to random
    @jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

    Deleting my phone app. I’m depressed by the silence. No one fucking cares except as in the way someone driving past a car crash looks to gawk.

    My end cannot come soon enough.

    Traiken,
    @Traiken@mastodon.social avatar

    @jessica I’ve been in places like this, said things like this, and being on the other side, I think some part of the silence is that people don’t know what to say. They’re scared, stunned, or stumped. Vocalizing such despair can sound so certain that it feels impossible to say anything that would matter.

    But of course, the answer is so damn simple: just say something, anything, any word is better that silence.

    jessica, to random
    @jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

    As an acquaintance put it ‘no one is lining up to be close to you’ and they are right.

    I have extreme “stay away, danger” vibes that I emanate.

    I’m fundamentally broken in all meaningful ways and others sense it almost immediately.

    I value those that are closer than not, but I do wonder why they are such masochists.

    Traiken,
    @Traiken@mastodon.social avatar

    @jessica Does the imperative to reframe things feel like it invalidates the feelings you have? I know that’s one of my biggest stumbling blocks. Like saying “but the die still has five other sides!” would be taken as willfully ignorant of all the times it lands on 1, and it’s infuriating rather than helpful?

    Traiken, to random
    @Traiken@mastodon.social avatar

    I don't understand why Super Mario doesn't use more plumber-based attacks, like telling Bowser he'll be there between 10am and 6pm as a form of psychological warfare, giving him nervous countdown anxiety all day, preventing him from being able to start a single task because he never knows when he'll be interrupted, and being so tense and exhausted that he'll finally just pay thousands of dollars to make it all end

    jessica, to random
    @jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

    Salvation is found through a good pedal setup

    Show me yours

    Traiken,
    @Traiken@mastodon.social avatar

    @jessica Mine won't fit in a single photo

    Guitar pedals on a messy, cluttered floor. The signal chain continues from the Morley Bad Horsie, DigiTech Freqout, and Ibanez Turbo Tube Screamer into a Behringer Super Fuzz, Electro-Harmonix Deluxe Big Muff Pi, Devi Ever Big Distortion Sound Machine, Moog MF Drive, MXR Custom Badass '78 Distortion, DigiTech Grunge, and Boss Metal Zone. The picture still does not contain all the pedals.
    The final shot of the pedals on a messy, cluttered floor. The signal chain continues from the Devi Ever BDSM, Moog Minifooger Drive, MXR 78 Distortion, Grunge, and Metal Zone into the Dwarfcraft Gears, Little-Bear R.attack, Electro-Harmonix Stereo Electric Mistress, MXR Phase 90, Boss Hi-Band Flanger, Electro-Harmonix Deluxe Memory Boy, Electro-Harmonix Flanger Hoax, Caline Delay, and Line 6 M5.

    jessica, to random
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    I guess it was just a sprain because I almost have full motion back and the pain is gone.

    Traiken,
    @Traiken@mastodon.social avatar

    @jessica I once recorded a drum track while sick with a cold, and felt so damn proud.

    Then I had to re-record it when I re-did the whole song, and it was better, despite there being no cool story.

    And now the entire song sounds terrible because I made it, oof, almost 17 years ago? But until any of us are interviewed and obsessed over, these tiny triumphs remain relevant because they only exist in our memories.

    jessica, to random
    @jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

    I haven’t had a date in like six years? I don’t drink. I don’t go the bars. I don’t do unsolicited flirting lest I get my head smashed in, so I really honestly don’t know how to find a date anymore.

    And being aro it’s like stupid difficult on top of that

    Traiken,
    @Traiken@mastodon.social avatar

    @jessica I don't drink either, so I know the barren hellscape of dating (or lack thereof) well. I have zero advice, and haven't been on a date either in maybe five years? Depending on what counts? but it's always encouraging to see someone else who doesn't drink. So it's not impossible to find others, just... horrendously improbable. Ugh.

    Traiken,
    @Traiken@mastodon.social avatar

    @jessica That's a nightmare. And yet St Louis has the City Museum, which was the best find of any of the road trips I've been on. That doesn't outweigh people sucking, unfortunately.

    Traiken,
    @Traiken@mastodon.social avatar

    @jessica I know statistics don’t mean shit in the face of feelings, that probability can’t compete with the reality of emotions—and I know the feeling of there being no good place in the world for me. But I also know the feeling of two people against the world, and that being enough. Rarity isn’t impossibility, but until you find it, at least know that you are being heard, and that your feelings are valid, shitty though they may be.

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