davep

@davep@infosec.exchange

Does IT stuff.

Likes permaculture, infosec, Tranmere Rovers. But mainly bad jokes stolen from https://www.justthetalk.co.uk/thehaven/17468/urgent-i-need-a-good-joke-right-now

Missing my Dad and little brother.

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davep, to random

I asked my girlfriend if I was the only one she's been with.

She said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights".

davep, to random

My mate says he's developed a weird habit of colouring in the tops of people’s arms.

I reckon he was just looking for a shoulder to crayon.

davep, to random

[job interview]

interviewer: so god killed all your kids?

Job: that's right

davep, to random

At any given moment, the urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away.

davep, to random

So there's a farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the music, and the horse says "you know what? I'm gonna learn how to do that."

So the horse calls up Guitar Center, and he says to the guy on the phone, "Hey, listen. I wanna learn to play guitar."

Guy on the phone says "no problem. Come on down."

"No, there might be one problem. I'm a horse."

"Naw, it ain't a problem. We'll get some attachments, I can teach you to play. Promise."

So horse turns out to be a natural. He gets GOOD. And he calls over Cow and Chicken and he's like "LOOK WHAT I CAN DO" and he jams out like Jimi Hendrix. And Cow says "holy shit. That's awesome. I want to learn to do something like that too. What's like that?" And horse says "Bass. Learn to play bass."

So Cow calls up Guitar Center, and she says "Hey, listen, I wanna learn to play bass guitar."

Guy on the phone says "No problem, miss, come on down."

"Eh, this might be a problem. I'm a cow."

"Nah, no problem. I helped a horse recently, I can teach you to play too. Promise."

So Cow learns to play the bass, and Cow is fucking amazing at it. So Cow and Horse are jamming, and Chicken gets a bit jealous. He says "Damn, I wanna learn something too. But not like that."

Horse says "Well, I mean, we need a drummer around here."

So Chicken calls up Guitar Center, and he says "Hey, listen, I wanna learn to play drums."

Guy on the phone says "No problem, man. Come on down."

"Eh, maybe a problem. I'm a chicken."

"Naw. Ain't no thing. I taught a horse guitar and a cow bass. I can teach you drums."

So chicken learns the drums, and he's fucking amazing. So Cow, Horse, and Chicken all start having jam sessions whenever the farmer's out. And one day they're playing, and a big record agent is driving down the road. And he hears them, and he's like "what the fuck? that sounds amazing." so he stops at the farm, and he finds them all playing in the barn. And he says "Holy shit. You guys sound AWESOME. I wanna represent you, make this a real band, make some music. You're gonna be HUGE."

So Cow and Chicken and Horse take this guy's deal, and they move to the city, they cut albums, and they're big. REAL big. Top 10 hits, platinum albums, the works. They get set for their first tour. But there's a problem, see. Horse gets a phone call, his mom's real sick. Cow and Chicken, though, they're cool as hell. They say "Listen. Go see your mom. We'll delay the first show a couple of days, so fly back home, spend some time with her, and then jump on a plane and come meet us."

Horse says "Thanks, guys. you're the best," and he takes off.

Couple of days later, Horse's mom is just fine. Turned out to be a real bad cold, she gets over it, and he spends another night there. The following morning, he gets a call. It's his agent. Cow and Chicken's plane went down, they died in the crash. The band is done. he's lost his best friends. And horse, this breaks him, man. He's been through so much with them, and he feels real down in the dumps. So he takes a walk, and while he's on that walk, he just can't shake the blue, so he figures to himself "Alright, alright. One drink, just to get over it."

So Horse walks into the local bar. Bartender looks at him and says "Hey. Why the long face?"

davep, to random

Went up to a lady at the airport and went:

"Cluck cluck cluck. CLUUUURK cluck cluck"

She said no sir, this is the check-in desk.

ZeNeece, to random
@ZeNeece@vivaldi.net avatar

I have 2 and hate them both for different reasons. I have a desktop that I hate to sit at. I just realized I don't want a laptop. I want my desktop to be more powerful and I want the peripherals to be able to go to different rooms in my house. I'm thinking like an umbilical, lol.
Is this a thing? Or is it a fever dream sort of idea?

davep,

@ZeNeece something like a... network?

davep,

@ZeNeece Maybe get a more techie friend to spec out a new rig, possibly cannibalising bits from your current setup if up to the task.

davep,

@ZeNeece What do you need for your desktop? More and faster RAM? Beefier GPU and/or CPU? A more powerful power supply unit? Faster and bigger disks?

What are your bottlenecks?

And you mentioned peripherals. Such as?

davep,

@ZeNeece you can use different GPUs, no problem.

What exactly is causing you issues in your work?

BTW, you want SSDs and NVMe to replace older hard drives. It's by far the biggest performance gain.

davep,

@ZeNeece you could use a laptop to RDP into your beast of a desktop.

davep,

@ZeNeece yeah, it's Remote Desktop Protocol. That way you do the hard work on the uber-desktop but can control it from your laptop.

davep, to random

If someone is really annoying you, instead of criticising them you should try walking a mile in their shoes.

That way, you'll be a mile away from them, and you'll have their shoes.

davep, to random

I've been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants...

feefiphobia

davep, to random

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.

Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.

davep, to random

Interviewer: How do you explain the 4 year gap in your CV?

Me: that's when I went to Yale.

Interviewer: that's very impressive. You're hired.

Me: Thanks I really need this Yob

davep, to random

I read that Elton John has bought a treadmill for his pet rabbit.

It's a little fit bunny...

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