keeyes

@keeyes@lemmy.world

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That feeling when you're googling the answer to some technical question, and your own Lemmy post appears 4 results down. (lemmy.one)

Hopefully this kind of content is ok here. Up until recently, when I would be searching for some kind of technical info, the top (and best) results would usually all be Reddit posts. I was very pleasantly surprised to do that this time and find a Lemmy post instead!...

keeyes,

there was this movie I liked a lot that I found hard to find people to discuss it with. I talked to a couple people about it on reddit one time, but that was really the extent of the discussions. Eventually I saw the movie again on TV and it got me wondering if there was anymore more info about it, like theories or whatever. So I Google it and come across this thread that looked interesting, and as I’m reading through I thought that this person knows what they’re talking about and has some good ideas. Eventually I realize it was my own comments I was looking at from before, I just didn’t recognize them at first. I’m actually retarded

keeyes,

that’s basically tetris, we’ve come full circle

keeyes,

tenor.com/5K6C.gif

keeyes,

I really like Ancient Magus’ Bride OP1. Junna just belts that song and when it comes back at the end of the first half of the season, it fits so well

keeyes,

this is actually hilarious

keeyes,

I know this is anecdotal, but I’ve had a failed suicide attempt which I only survived with medical intervention and pretty much everything u/asparagus said above was spot on. I never had any regret from deciding after-the-fact that I wanted to live, it just never happened for me. The only regret I have is that it wasn’t able to work - because all of the fallout that came from it has been worse than what led me to that decision in the first place.

the attempt itself was something I had been thinking about for a while and prepared the items to do it with quite a bit before that day. but on the day it happened something had just boiled over, can’t even remember what it was for the life of me. so there’s an element of impulsiveness there, but all that did was set the date so to speak. it’s been around 3ish years since then and it’s kind of surprising how much of my time is spent thinking about it all still. from the moment I woke up in the ER to now there’s just this dread that is always present. any time I have difficulty with really anything now, I’m always just thinking about how I made the decision to not participate in any of this and I shouldn’t have to deal with it at all - and that itself makes me really bitter/jaded I think.

anyways just wanted to share because the person before you hit the nail on the head for what my experience with it all has been

keeyes,

thanks, I have a pretty good support network to help deal with things. also have a therapist and psychiatrist that I see regularly

keeyes,

it’s pretty rough to get off of antipsychotics and SSRIs. there’s usually this 2-3 week period of adjustment where you don’t sleep well, the depression kicks in pretty hard, and sometimes you even feel sick/nauseous for most of that period. obviously everyone is different, but I hated how AP and SSRIs made me feel so stopped them completely even though it sucked to do. whatever you do just be careful, it’s easy for the lows to feel much worse at times when coming off them

keeyes,

not sure if I’m understanding correctly, but you’re telling your friends that you can’t do xyz because your work will be affected? when it comes to friendships in general, if you’re constantly turning down invites for whatever reason, then it just comes off as you don’t want to do anything with that person. at least that’s how I would feel - and then eventually I would stop trying hang out.

also if I had a friend that only talked about one individual subject (tech or otherwise) and I felt like I couldn’t have just normal conversations with them, I don’t know how much effort I’d be willing to put into talking to them. I love talking about games or shows I like with friends, but that’s just a small portion of what we’d talk about

i don’t know if any of that helps, but that’s how I would feel going off of what I understood you to be saying

keeyes,

ahhh I’m glad I wasn’t making some wrong assumptions. totally understand how lacking the context probably means people aren’t fully understanding here in the comments. but like you said, might just be the people you’re currently friends with have drifted far enough out of your interest spheres that everything feels forced for you now. I hope you find people you can closer relate to and have plenty of fun conversations in the future. it sucks to feel lonely when you’re surrounded by people

keeyes,

“Protocol 3: Protect the pilot”

Instant heartbreak

keeyes,

Survived a suicide attempt from a fentanyl and ketamine overdose. Life had gone to shit and for whatever reason that day (I can’t even remember exactly), enough was enough. I had bought the stuff in advance for this moment although I was using dissociatives pretty regularly. I was on a video chat with a friend (someone who was also suicidal and we’ve talked previously about how we wouldn’t interfere with each other’s attempts if it came to that. we were really bad for each other, but it was just nice to see another light in the darkness and knowing you weren’t alone. we ultimately made each other much worse off). But anyways, she feel asleep, it was during that moment when I guess I went for it. Took all the fentanyl and ketamine I had, and was pretty much blacked out before realizing it.

Guess I walked back to the couch where she was still sleeping on the video call and I lost conscious there. Next thing I know I feel my body violently being shaken and then suddenly I’m in the ER. I couldn’t talk at all and couldn’t move anything from the neck down. that lasted several days and I slowly got motor control back. Took my legs the longest and had to do a bunch of testing.

Once they found out it was a suicide attempt I was sectioned and unable to do anything if my own accord for like the next month. I was sent to some facility specifically for people who have made suicide attempts and also had drug abuse issues. Was there for a few weeks before I was able to transfer into an outpatient program for the same thing.

I guess what had happened initially was that when I passed out I was in view of the camera, so when my friend woke up she was trying to talk l with me, realized something was wrong and then what had happened, and then she was able to get an ambulance. They got there and revived me and then that’s just a little before I woke up in the hospital. It at all just so confusing, and I think I’ll always be bitter towards that friend that called the ambulance.

Things were bad leading up to that point, but they’d get generally so much worse afterwards. None of those feelings went away and I’ve just learned to mask it for now because I’m just exhausted with everyone I know feeling like they need to be so involved with my life. My friend who saved me from attempt ended up taking her own life the next year. In a way I’m pretty envious I think

keeyes,

thanks dude. I’ve got my dog that is more important to me than anything else in the world, and I absolutely refuse to leave him by himself no matter how bad things might be for me. I appreciate the words though

keeyes,

A few years back I went through what could be referred to as a severe mental health crisis. During that time, I'm not sure what exactly it was - but for whatever reason I didn't want to be able to hear anymore. I think it might have been this warped logic that is I couldn't communicate with people, I could distance myself from everyone and shut myself off more or less. So I started going to an indoor firing range in my area, then I would take off the hearing protection while shooting. I know it's incredibly dumb, but I just wasn't thinking straight at all.

Eventually, this just wasn't enough so I turned to trying to blow out my eardrums. I bought an air compressor and got an attachment that could fit in my ear. I tried doing it a few times, but it just wasn't working how I imagined. So the last thing I did was buy one of those digital otoscopes. I mounted a needle on it and then used that to physically poke holes in my eardrums. Again, I'm aware at how crazy this all was. But to take it further I faked having an ear infection for a virtual urgent care appointment, then made up this story about this being common growing and Neomycin something that worked for me.

So they gave me a prescription for that, and for those who don't know - Neomycin can cause permanent hearing loss if it comes into contact with your inner ear, which the eardrums protect. So using this little poker, made holes in my eardrums and then poured in the Neomycin, then used my hands to create pressure that would push it through the perforations. I will never forget the pain of those drops coming into contact with my inner ear. I've been through a lot, but that was a 10/10 and I nearly threw up each time. Looking back is easy to see how unhinged it was, but at the time it all made sense

keeyes,

Rogue One had no business being as good as it was. Makes the other movies feel kinda absurd in comparison

keeyes,

I wish they would give a specific date for the update. Even on the Prime Time stream right now they're only saying June. At least there's only a couple weeks left though

keeyes,

yeah, I've heard the timeframe of about 2 weeks thrown around in regards to the console cert process in the past so I think I've been operating under the assumption that is what we'd be expecting from the time of the hotfix pause.

glad we have a date now though!

keeyes,

It's crazy to see how far this game has come. I joined either right before or during the Cicero Crisis and played quite a bit, then took some years off. Came back to check out the melee rework and just didn't have any interest at the time.

Finally got back into it again last year and it's so wild seeing old clips from when I started compared to now. You don't really notice how much better it is until you see them side by side lol

keeyes,

Here's Rebb Ford (Lotus VA) reading some goofy lich names as best she can in character. Thought it was pretty funny

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