purplepadma

purplepadma, 20 days ago to random

Again my mood is too low to countenance sitting up to see if I can witness the northern lights. IDK what to do with myself other than go to sleep

purplepadma, 20 days ago to random

There were no cheese scones in M&S. it’s like Rhubarbgate all over again. I’ve got to do some more potting up of plants this afternoon, that’s something I used to really enjoy but right now the thought makes me quite literally lose the will to live. I’ll do what I can

purplepadma, 20 days ago to random

Nigella’s fish tacos and alcohol free sparkling wine. Perfect for a summery evening. Trying to spark a little joy!

purplepadma, 20 days ago to random

No alcohol-free cider to be found in Narberth ☹️

purplepadma, 20 days ago to random

Some bumblebees are so loud it’s actually rude

purplepadma, 20 days ago to random

Just been on my bed for the past two hours feeling awful and hating myself for not gardening, or indeed doing anything. Just pinned to the bed by misery, a feeling I used to get even in my teens. Just existing is difficult enough

purplepadma, 20 days ago to Eurovision

Not specifically boycotting #eurovision but most people I would watch it with are and I think I’m just too depressed to participate in such frivolity anyway.

purplepadma, 20 days ago to random

#Caturday siesta. Miss Cinnamon says it’s too warm outside for creatures with black fur coats

purplepadma, 20 days ago to random

I really don’t feel there is anything I could take pleasure in this afternoon

purplepadma, 20 days ago to random

Good morning. Depression fairly mild so far but I struggled to wake up. I had a very vivid dream that I made mad passionate love with my former boss, then had to be nice to her wife (we all worked in the same department last year). Then she finished with me by text, harsh. Going into the bigger town this morning, maybe I can wangle a cheese scone in M&S

purplepadma, 20 days ago to random

Sad that I missed the aurora because I was too depressed to even go out and look. My daughter got some great pics in Bedfordshire

purplepadma, 21 days ago to random

Well my meeting with the pro-bono psychotherapist was a bust. He doesn’t believe in bipolar and thinks it’s basically a marketing ploy by Big Pharma. So that’s really not a good fit with me and my worldview, the diagnosis makes sense of my experiences in a way no other explanation has. Guess I will have to shop around for a therapist.

purplepadma, 21 days ago to random

Oh FFS my mood has crashed again. Can’t take this rollercoaster of emotions, ultra rapid cycling or mixed mood or whatever else it is. I just need some stability 😢

purplepadma, 21 days ago to random

Mood much improved by a sunny drive to the garden centre. Now wearing my new Hawaiian pattern jumpsuit and pink sandals, and drinking 0% spiced rum and ginger ale on the patio. Feeling very summery!

purplepadma, 21 days ago to random

Tom is encouraging me to get changed and go out and do some gardening, he’s probably right that it would do me more good than dozing on the sofa

purplepadma, 21 days ago to running

Just went out for a little run in the sun. 2km continuous running, then another 0.5km run and walk. That’s enough, better than nothing and it is quite hot. Might go out again for longer if I can wake up early tomorrow #running

purplepadma, 21 days ago to random

I do feel that potting up some plants (apple mint and chocolate mint) in a trough we bought last week was a better use of my time than a nap. Tom right as usual! We’ve had lunch and we now need to go out to a garden centre we’ve not been to before to buy crushed seashells for our new herb border

purplepadma, 21 days ago to random

I’ve got sunscreen on, I smell of holidays

purplepadma, 21 days ago to random

The only thing I can do is wait until I’ve finished paying off a debt next month then pay for therapy. It’s tiring to think of shopping around to find a good one though. I’m not well enough to find someone to help me get better 😂

purplepadma, 21 days ago to random

I feel very tired now

purplepadma, 21 days ago to random

I keep telling myself that one day in the future I will wake up and not feel depressed, that I will actually want to get out of bed. Today is not that day

purplepadma, 22 days ago (edited 21 days ago) to random

Do you prefer your battles to use…?

purplepadma, 22 days ago to random

Morning. Miss Cinnamon didn’t come home last night. Tom slept downstairs to listen out for her, but nothing. I’m very anxious.

purplepadma, 22 days ago to random

Tonight will be the fourth day in a row I have taken my lurasidone dose before bed instead of at 7pm and have not only been able to stay up later, but have not had an anxiety attack. Too nervous to say I’ve cracked it, but it looks promising

purplepadma, 22 days ago to random

I feel terrible. I’ve held it together up until now but I’m very tearful missing Miss Cinnamon