Dadjokes

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

Patient: I need a doctor’s appointment.

Receptionist: how about 10 tomorrow.

Patient: no, I don’t need that many.

AlarminglyBad,
@AlarminglyBad@mstdn.social avatar

COMIC: Boomerang

Don’t worry, he got what was coming to him

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son. He said, “Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

Judge: you’re guilty of downloading Wikipedia.

Me: wait. I can explain everything.

evelynefoerster,
@evelynefoerster@swiss.social avatar


If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?

Ollital,
@Ollital@nrw.social avatar

@evelynefoerster Autsch.

evelynefoerster,
@evelynefoerster@swiss.social avatar

@Ollital
Guess I'd better give a byte of my testimony!

evelynefoerster,
@evelynefoerster@swiss.social avatar

#dadjokes
It takes guts to be an organ donor.

Ollital,
@Ollital@nrw.social avatar

@evelynefoerster You must have a heart to be one.

evelynefoerster,
@evelynefoerster@swiss.social avatar

@Ollital
Well, I liver to help others!

evelynefoerster,
@evelynefoerster@swiss.social avatar


I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know.

rayhindle,
@rayhindle@mastodon.social avatar

@evelynefoerster According to Sandi Toksvig:

“A chicken and an egg were enjoying a post-coital cigarette, and the chicken said “Well that settles that old argument!”””

evelynefoerster,
@evelynefoerster@swiss.social avatar

@rayhindle
Guess I'll need to update my delivery status to 'egg-static'!

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

How do you make a tissue dance?

You put a little boogie in it.

daddyjoker,
@daddyjoker@mastodon.online avatar

In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him. To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

I’m addicted to collecting Beatles records.

I need Help.

estevez,
@estevez@techhub.social avatar

@markwyner, I was about to write "Why?"... Almost got me

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

@estevez then you’d have to “carry that weight.” No one wants to be a “fool in the hill.” 😉

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

I didn’t want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

Me: I built a model of Mt. Everest.

Wife: is it to scale? Me: no, it’s to look at.

QasimRashid,
@QasimRashid@mastodon.social avatar

Ayesha [wife]: I hurt myself today

Me: [thinking Johnny Cash] To see if you still felt pain?

Ayesha: What?? No. The stupid cabinet door you said you fixed fell off the hinge and hit my foot. I can't take this anymore!

Me: What have I become? My sweetest friend...

Ayesha: 🤦🏽‍♀️

But seriously I need to fix that cabinet door.

dannotdaniel,
@dannotdaniel@mastodon.social avatar

@mastobit @QasimRashid 🐻

HirsutePursuit,
@HirsutePursuit@mastodon.social avatar

@QasimRashid
<br><br>
Speaking of Johnny Cash... Take a look at the lyrics of <i>Ring Of Fire</i> and tell me it's not about gay sex.
<br><br>
♬ Love, is a burning thing<br>
♩ And it makes, a fiery ring<br>
♫ Bound, by wild desire<br>
♪ I fell in, to a ring of fire<br>

etchedpixels,
@etchedpixels@mastodon.social avatar

If you eat nothing but the numbers and A-F out of a bowl of alphabet for a day and then go to the loo is the result a hex dump ?

Extelec,
@Extelec@mstdn.social avatar

@etchedpixels a download

penguin42,
@penguin42@mastodon.org.uk avatar

@etchedpixels If you want an Ignoble then 'On the entropy of partially digested alphabeti speghetti' sounds a good title to go with.

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

Landlord: we need to talk about the heating bill.

Me: sure, my door is always open.

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