markwyner, 2 days ago to dadjokes How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault
daddyjoker, 5 days ago to dadjokes In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him. To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him. #DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns
In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him. To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him. #DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns
markwyner, 6 days ago to dadjokes I’m addicted to collecting Beatles records. I need Help. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Beatles #TheBeatles
I’m addicted to collecting Beatles records.
I need Help.
#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Beatles #TheBeatles
markwyner, 7 days ago to dadjokes I didn’t want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop. But when I got home, all the signs were there. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault
I didn’t want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
markwyner, 9 days ago to dadjokes Me: I built a model of Mt. Everest. Wife: is it to scale? Me: no, it’s to look at. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault
Me: I built a model of Mt. Everest.
Wife: is it to scale? Me: no, it’s to look at.
QasimRashid, 13 days ago to dadjokes Ayesha [wife]: I hurt myself today Me: [thinking Johnny Cash] To see if you still felt pain? Ayesha: What?? No. The stupid cabinet door you said you fixed fell off the hinge and hit my foot. I can't take this anymore! Me: What have I become? My sweetest friend... Ayesha: 🤦🏽♀️ #DadJokes But seriously I need to fix that cabinet door.
Ayesha [wife]: I hurt myself today
Me: [thinking Johnny Cash] To see if you still felt pain?
Ayesha: What?? No. The stupid cabinet door you said you fixed fell off the hinge and hit my foot. I can't take this anymore!
Me: What have I become? My sweetest friend...
Ayesha: 🤦🏽♀️ #DadJokes
But seriously I need to fix that cabinet door.
etchedpixels, 15 days ago to dadjokes If you eat nothing but the numbers and A-F out of a bowl of alphabet for a day and then go to the loo is the result a hex dump ? #dadjokes
If you eat nothing but the numbers and A-F out of a bowl of alphabet for a day and then go to the loo is the result a hex dump ?
#dadjokes
markwyner, 17 days ago to dadjokes Landlord: we need to talk about the heating bill. Me: sure, my door is always open. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault
Landlord: we need to talk about the heating bill.
Me: sure, my door is always open.
markwyner, 18 days ago to dadjokes Most math puns aren’t funny. But sum are. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Math
Most math puns aren’t funny.
But sum are.
#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Math
daddyjoker, 18 days ago to dadjokes OK, so naked running. Apparently this means running without GPS, music and any other tech. I wish I knew this an hour ago. #DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns
OK, so naked running. Apparently this means running without GPS, music and any other tech. I wish I knew this an hour ago. #DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns
markwyner, 19 days ago to dadjokes My friend: have you even heard a word I’ve said? Me: what an odd way to begin a conversation. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #ADHD #ImSorry
My friend: have you even heard a word I’ve said?
Me: what an odd way to begin a conversation.
#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #ADHD #ImSorry
midacre, 22 days ago to dadjokes I always wondered why we needed Geiger counters. Then it clicked. #dadjokes #dadjoke #radiation
I always wondered why we needed Geiger counters.
Then it clicked.
#dadjokes #dadjoke #radiation
evelynefoerster, 22 days ago to dadjokes #dadjokes Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
#dadjokes Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
evelynefoerster, 22 days ago to dadjokes #dadjokes I used to be a personal trainer. Then I gave my too weak notice.
#dadjokes I used to be a personal trainer. Then I gave my too weak notice.
markwyner, 23 days ago to dadjokes When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent.
evelynefoerster, 27 days ago to dadjokes #dadjokes I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!
#dadjokes I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!
evelynefoerster, 27 days ago to dadjokes #dadjokes What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
#dadjokes What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
markwyner, 28 days ago to dadjokes The only difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac is a comma. A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault
The only difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac is a comma.
A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.
dgar, 28 days ago to random How do you get down from an elephant? You don’t. You get down from a goose.
How do you get down from an elephant?
You don’t.
You get down from a goose.
CWilbur, 28 days ago (edited 27 days ago) What do you you get when you cross a road with a turtle? You get run over. #dadjokes
What do you you get when you cross a road with a turtle?
You get run over. #dadjokes
qurlyjoe, 29 days ago to dadjokes #DadJokes #Dadjoke Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
#DadJokes #Dadjoke Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.
pseudonym, 29 days ago to dadjokes Wife was talking to me about seeing geese with a single baby. I said "Oh the little one must be Ryan." "Why Ryan?" "Ryan Gosling." "I walked into that one, didn't I?" "Yes love, yes you did." (And she's still married to me) #dadJokes
Wife was talking to me about seeing geese with a single baby. I said "Oh the little one must be Ryan."
"Why Ryan?"
"Ryan Gosling."
"I walked into that one, didn't I?"
"Yes love, yes you did."
(And she's still married to me) #dadJokes
markwyner, 1 month ago to dadjokes What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus. #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault
What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
GriffinGroup, 1 month ago to puns Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens... They're calling it the Apollo G #Puns #DadJokes
Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens...
They're calling it the Apollo G
#Puns #DadJokes
pcnerd37, 1 month ago to dadjokes I got fired from the keyboard factory. They said I wasn't putting in enough shifts. #DadJokes
I got fired from the keyboard factory. They said I wasn't putting in enough shifts. #DadJokes
markwyner, 1 month ago to dadjokes Are oranges called oranges because oranges are orange? Or is orange called orange because oranges are orange? #DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Colors
Are oranges called oranges because oranges are orange?
Or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?
#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Colors