markwyner, 11 hours ago to dadjokes

Me: I built a model of Mt. Everest.

Wife: is it to scale? Me: no, it’s to look at.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

QasimRashid, 4 days ago to dadjokes

Ayesha [wife]: I hurt myself today

Me: [thinking Johnny Cash] To see if you still felt pain?

Ayesha: What?? No. The stupid cabinet door you said you fixed fell off the hinge and hit my foot. I can't take this anymore!

Me: What have I become? My sweetest friend...

Ayesha: 🤦🏽‍♀️
#DadJokes

But seriously I need to fix that cabinet door.

etchedpixels, 7 days ago to dadjokes

If you eat nothing but the numbers and A-F out of a bowl of alphabet for a day and then go to the loo is the result a hex dump ?

#dadjokes

markwyner, 8 days ago to dadjokes

Landlord: we need to talk about the heating bill.

Me: sure, my door is always open.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

markwyner, 10 days ago to dadjokes

Most math puns aren’t funny.

But sum are.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Math

daddyjoker, 10 days ago to dadjokes

OK, so naked running.
Apparently this means running without GPS, music and any other tech.
I wish I knew this an hour ago.
#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns

markwyner, 10 days ago to dadjokes

My friend: have you even heard a word I’ve said?

Me: what an odd way to begin a conversation.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #ADHD #ImSorry

midacre, 13 days ago to dadjokes

I always wondered why we needed Geiger counters.

Then it clicked.

#dadjokes #dadjoke #radiation

evelynefoerster, 14 days ago to dadjokes

#dadjokes
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

evelynefoerster, 14 days ago to dadjokes

#dadjokes
I used to be a personal trainer. Then I gave my too weak notice.

markwyner, 14 days ago to dadjokes

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

evelynefoerster, 18 days ago to dadjokes

#dadjokes
I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!

evelynefoerster, 18 days ago to dadjokes

#dadjokes
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

markwyner, 19 days ago to dadjokes

The only difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac is a comma.

A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

dgar, 19 days ago to random

How do you get down from an elephant?

You don’t.

You get down from a goose.

qurlyjoe, 20 days ago to dadjokes

#DadJokes #Dadjoke
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lactose.

pseudonym, 21 days ago to dadjokes

Wife was talking to me about seeing geese with a single baby. I said "Oh the little one must be Ryan."

"Why Ryan?"

"Ryan Gosling."

"I walked into that one, didn't I?"

"Yes love, yes you did."

(And she's still married to me)
#dadJokes

markwyner, 21 days ago to dadjokes

What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault

GriffinGroup, 22 days ago to puns

Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens...

They're calling it the Apollo G

#Puns #DadJokes

pcnerd37, 23 days ago to dadjokes

I got fired from the keyboard factory. They said I wasn't putting in enough shifts. #DadJokes

archliberal, 24 days ago to dadjokes

I call it sshrimp. Stands for ssh really isn’t my problem.

For whatever reason this is the greatest joke I have heard all week. Bonus points is that the sshrimp agent needs to connect to the sshrimp certificate signing service called “barby” so you have to serve your shrimp on the barby.

From this wonderful talk on ssh certificates:

https://youtu.be/lYzklWPTbsQ

#dadjokes #cybersecurity

markwyner, 24 days ago to dadjokes

Are oranges called oranges because oranges are orange?

Or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?

#DadJokes #Puns #NotMyFault #Colors

tokenwizard, 26 days ago to dadjokes

Ok,
I don't normally share "dad jokes," but this one got me!

Why does Norway have barcodes on their battleships?
......
......
......
So when they get back to port, they can Scandinavian.

#dadjokes
#humor
#comedy
#jokes

Jaden3, 27 days ago to random

Hey yall looking fo mo folks to fck with on dis app.
Goofy ass shit good 👍🏾
Hit me up fo a follow 🤪
Love Jaden ❤️
#introduction #introductions

shaedrich, 27 days ago to dadjokes

Why do we say "giving birth" and not "catching some fresh heir"?

#dadJokes