Dadjokes

daddyjoker,
@daddyjoker@mastodon.online avatar

In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him. To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.
#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

I’m addicted to collecting Beatles records.

I need Help.

estevez,
@estevez@techhub.social avatar

@markwyner, I was about to write "Why?"... Almost got me

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

@estevez then you’d have to “carry that weight.” No one wants to be a “fool in the hill.” 😉

QasimRashid,
@QasimRashid@mastodon.social avatar

Ayesha [wife]: I hurt myself today

Me: [thinking Johnny Cash] To see if you still felt pain?

Ayesha: What?? No. The stupid cabinet door you said you fixed fell off the hinge and hit my foot. I can't take this anymore!

Me: What have I become? My sweetest friend...

Ayesha: 🤦🏽‍♀️

But seriously I need to fix that cabinet door.

dannotdaniel,
@dannotdaniel@mastodon.social avatar

@mastobit @QasimRashid 🐻

HirsutePursuit,
@HirsutePursuit@mastodon.social avatar

@QasimRashid
<br><br>
Speaking of Johnny Cash... Take a look at the lyrics of <i>Ring Of Fire</i> and tell me it's not about gay sex.
<br><br>
♬ Love, is a burning thing<br>
♩ And it makes, a fiery ring<br>
♫ Bound, by wild desire<br>
♪ I fell in, to a ring of fire<br>

etchedpixels,
@etchedpixels@mastodon.social avatar

If you eat nothing but the numbers and A-F out of a bowl of alphabet for a day and then go to the loo is the result a hex dump ?

#dadjokes

Extelec,
@Extelec@mstdn.social avatar

@etchedpixels a download

penguin42,
@penguin42@mastodon.org.uk avatar

@etchedpixels If you want an Ignoble then 'On the entropy of partially digested alphabeti speghetti' sounds a good title to go with.

daddyjoker,
@daddyjoker@mastodon.online avatar

OK, so naked running.
Apparently this means running without GPS, music and any other tech.
I wish I knew this an hour ago.
#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns

midacre,
@midacre@mas.to avatar

I always wondered why we needed Geiger counters.

Then it clicked.

#dadjokes #dadjoke #radiation

CWilbur,
@CWilbur@sfba.social avatar

@midacre I always wondered where the sun went.

Then it..... oh, never mind.

almost a

evelynefoerster,
@evelynefoerster@swiss.social avatar

#dadjokes
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Theosuwb,
@Theosuwb@mastodon.social avatar

@evelynefoerster oh yes Eve! 👍🤗😂😂

evelynefoerster,
@evelynefoerster@swiss.social avatar

@Theosuwb
😊 🤗 😅

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent.

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

@whybird 😂

adnan,
@adnan@1210.nl avatar

@markwyner 🙇🙇‍♀️🙇‍♂️

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

The only difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac is a comma.

A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.

pseudonym,
@pseudonym@mastodon.online avatar

Wife was talking to me about seeing geese with a single baby. I said "Oh the little one must be Ryan."

"Why Ryan?"

"Ryan Gosling."

"I walked into that one, didn't I?"

"Yes love, yes you did."

(And she's still married to me)

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

pcnerd37,
@pcnerd37@fosstodon.org avatar

I got fired from the keyboard factory. They said I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

archliberal,
@archliberal@mastodo.neoliber.al avatar

I call it sshrimp. Stands for ssh really isn’t my problem.

For whatever reason this is the greatest joke I have heard all week. Bonus points is that the sshrimp agent needs to connect to the sshrimp certificate signing service called “barby” so you have to serve your shrimp on the barby.

From this wonderful talk on ssh certificates:

https://youtu.be/lYzklWPTbsQ

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

Are oranges called oranges because oranges are orange?

Or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

@elnecesario 😂 Yeah, it’s gonna stay with me a while, too.

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

@elnecesario investigative research. I love it.

tokenwizard,

Ok,
I don't normally share "dad jokes," but this one got me!

Why does Norway have barcodes on their battleships?
......
......
......
So when they get back to port, they can Scandinavian.




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