Dadjokes

daddyjoker,
@daddyjoker@mastodon.online avatar

In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him. To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.
#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

I’m addicted to collecting Beatles records.

I need Help.

estevez,
@estevez@techhub.social avatar

@markwyner, I was about to write "Why?"... Almost got me

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

@estevez then you’d have to “carry that weight.” No one wants to be a “fool in the hill.” 😉

QasimRashid,
@QasimRashid@mastodon.social avatar

Ayesha [wife]: I hurt myself today

Me: [thinking Johnny Cash] To see if you still felt pain?

Ayesha: What?? No. The stupid cabinet door you said you fixed fell off the hinge and hit my foot. I can't take this anymore!

Me: What have I become? My sweetest friend...

Ayesha: 🤦🏽‍♀️

But seriously I need to fix that cabinet door.

dannotdaniel,
@dannotdaniel@mastodon.social avatar

@mastobit @QasimRashid 🐻

HirsutePursuit,
@HirsutePursuit@mastodon.social avatar

@QasimRashid
<br><br>
Speaking of Johnny Cash... Take a look at the lyrics of <i>Ring Of Fire</i> and tell me it's not about gay sex.
<br><br>
♬ Love, is a burning thing<br>
♩ And it makes, a fiery ring<br>
♫ Bound, by wild desire<br>
♪ I fell in, to a ring of fire<br>

etchedpixels,
@etchedpixels@mastodon.social avatar

If you eat nothing but the numbers and A-F out of a bowl of alphabet for a day and then go to the loo is the result a hex dump ?

#dadjokes

Extelec,
@Extelec@mstdn.social avatar

@etchedpixels a download

penguin42,
@penguin42@mastodon.org.uk avatar

@etchedpixels If you want an Ignoble then 'On the entropy of partially digested alphabeti speghetti' sounds a good title to go with.

daddyjoker,
@daddyjoker@mastodon.online avatar

OK, so naked running.
Apparently this means running without GPS, music and any other tech.
I wish I knew this an hour ago.
#DailyDadJoke #DadJokes #Puns

midacre,
@midacre@mas.to avatar

I always wondered why we needed Geiger counters.

Then it clicked.

#dadjokes #dadjoke #radiation

CWilbur,
@CWilbur@sfba.social avatar

@midacre I always wondered where the sun went.

Then it..... oh, never mind.

almost a

evelynefoerster,
@evelynefoerster@swiss.social avatar

#dadjokes
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Theosuwb,
@Theosuwb@mastodon.social avatar

@evelynefoerster oh yes Eve! 👍🤗😂😂

evelynefoerster,
@evelynefoerster@swiss.social avatar

@Theosuwb
😊 🤗 😅

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent.

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

@whybird 😂

adnan,
@adnan@1210.nl avatar

@markwyner 🙇🙇‍♀️🙇‍♂️

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

The only difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac is a comma.

A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.

pseudonym,
@pseudonym@mastodon.online avatar

Wife was talking to me about seeing geese with a single baby. I said "Oh the little one must be Ryan."

"Why Ryan?"

"Ryan Gosling."

"I walked into that one, didn't I?"

"Yes love, yes you did."

(And she's still married to me)

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

pcnerd37,
@pcnerd37@fosstodon.org avatar

I got fired from the keyboard factory. They said I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

archliberal,
@archliberal@mastodo.neoliber.al avatar

I call it sshrimp. Stands for ssh really isn’t my problem.

For whatever reason this is the greatest joke I have heard all week. Bonus points is that the sshrimp agent needs to connect to the sshrimp certificate signing service called “barby” so you have to serve your shrimp on the barby.

From this wonderful talk on ssh certificates:

https://youtu.be/lYzklWPTbsQ

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

Are oranges called oranges because oranges are orange?

Or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

@elnecesario 😂 Yeah, it’s gonna stay with me a while, too.

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

@elnecesario investigative research. I love it.

tokenwizard,

Ok,
I don't normally share "dad jokes," but this one got me!

Why does Norway have barcodes on their battleships?
......
......
......
So when they get back to port, they can Scandinavian.




shaedrich,
@shaedrich@mastodon.online avatar

Why do we say "giving birth" and not "catching some fresh heir"?

PrinceOfDenmark,
@PrinceOfDenmark@mas.to avatar

  1. After seeing an article, kiddo said they’d never thought of there being dust in space before. I replied that it piles up because Nature abhors a vacuum. still count if they don’t land, right?
  2. Gifted some Pashtun rugs turned into cushions to neighbors. Loved them for a good while, glad they have homes.
  3. Made Ube mochi for breakfast. First time. Wow. Think I can use the same mix for mini mochi muffins.❤️ (From mix this time, but will get flours next time!)
anathema_device,
@anathema_device@bne.social avatar

@PrinceOfDenmark #1 - oh dear :)

tobybaier, German
@tobybaier@chaos.social avatar

Falls Ihr Euch fragt warum meine Kinder mich manchmal SEHR schräg anschauen #dadjokes #nerd

Sikk,
@Sikk@hessen.social avatar

@tobybaier So geht's mir auch... ;-)

nblr,
@nblr@chaos.social avatar

@Sikk @tobybaier Würde sogar so weit gehen zu sagen, dass man leuten grundsätzlich erst dann Fotos schicken kann, wenn sie geboren sind.

alameth,
@alameth@sfba.social avatar

Of everything that was invented in the 1970's, the dry-erase board is the most remarkable.

markwyner,
@markwyner@mas.to avatar

The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line.

Only a fraction of people will understand this.

That_One_Guy,
@That_One_Guy@mastodon.world avatar

A mole family was foraging for food one day and came upon a garden.

Papa mole popped up and said, "I smell peas." 🫛

Mama mole popped up next to him and said, "I smell carrots." 🥕

Baby mole, who was too short and couldn't quite get up said, "Well, all I smell is molasses." 😁

#dadjokes #badjokes

evelynefoerster,
@evelynefoerster@swiss.social avatar


What's brown and sticky? A stick.

smellsofbikes,
@smellsofbikes@mastodon.social avatar

@evelynefoerster I've been trying to find a third version of that punchline and the best I have come up with is how many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? A stick.

evelynefoerster,
@evelynefoerster@swiss.social avatar

@smellsofbikes
If we're sticking to surrealism, here's another punchline for you: How many surrealist painters does it take to change a lightbulb? Two—one to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with clocks!

evelynefoerster,
@evelynefoerster@swiss.social avatar


You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

msquebanh,
@msquebanh@mastodon.sdf.org avatar

@evelynefoerster 😂🤣

etchedpixels,
@etchedpixels@mastodon.social avatar

We are supposed to "be the change you want to see"

So I am dressing as a fifty pound note.

ned,
@ned@mstdn.ca avatar

Knock knock!!!

who's there

Hike

hike who?

Unsuspecting son.
Dad waiting with
bated breath.
Sets the perfect trap.

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