Natasha, with thanks for your henchmanship over the decades, and I hope this bottle of vodka reaches you in good spirits. Looking forward to another decade of partnership where we make Putin great again.
Dearest Squirrel, I'm raising a glass in your honor as a hero who flies through the skies of Frostbite Falls without super powers. Your heroism is your superpower.
Dear Snidely, dear twin Whiplash--
I have now given up on Nell and have sighted a new luscious item to prey on: Lady Gaga. But it's going to take both our efforts. Merry Christmas!
I've made my list for Santa, and I sent out Christmas cards to all your friends just as you requested. Won't they be surprised when they see your festive greetings in their mailboxes! Surely Santa will look favorably upon me this year. I have been the best boy!
Indeed I have been good, Mother. Santa has decided to pay me a visit early this year. A lovely, young woman stopped by the motel today. I do hope you like her! She has beautiful hair and skin. Of course, nothing can compare to your perfect features, Mother! You are the Lord's angel of love and beauty. Still, I hope that you will allow me to become her friend. I believe she is nothing like that blonde harpy who patronized our establishment. You know I always trust your judgement without reservations or thoughts of selfish desire.
Mother, here's to another Christmas together. May it be merry, and may we both get what our hearts desire from old Saint Nick.
Dear Santa,
This card is simply to wish you and the elves and Mrs. Claus a great holiday when you get back home. I beg of you to not bring me yet another pair of silver skates because I'd rather win them as a prize anyway.
I know--it's the thought that counts and thank you for thinking of me. It's just that I now have an oversupply at this time.
Thank you so much for the lovely dress, glass slippers, and prince. I would like just one more thing for Christmas, if you don't mind. I'd like you to teach me how to bibbity bobbity boo the daily housework. It never ends.