Reminder: How much are you basing your opinion on facts, and how much on assumptions? It is only human to make assumptions, but are you consciously aware of the difference? It will help your relationships with others to check in with yourself about that, and then allow the other to confirm or deny your assumptions, and ask about their position. If you don't believe what they say, that's OK too, and you can tell them that you don't! Maybe they have something to give to you to (re)establish trust.
It may feel unnatural at first, but is totally okay to repeat or summarize what you heard the other person say, without adding any own interpretation. You will notice that they will actually enjoy it! It means you are truly interested in hearing them.
Similarly, you can ask them to summarize what they heard you say. You may be surprised at how often they will repeat what you told them, only for you to notice that what you actually wanted them to hear is something else than what you said!
I love this piece from Marianne van Dijk's newsletter about Request Blind Spots. It's not just hard to ask for help, sometimes we don't even realise we can.
I don't see anything that I would relate to "autism" per see. Just very human, in our poor attempts at communication and being there for ourselves and each other.
In #NVC, none of these responses would be seen as "empathic". The top left is "sympathy".
See also e.g. Thomas Gordon's work about Communication Roadblocks:
What unites all of these strategies is that they are trying to get rid of emotions, storing them away. #NVC and trauma research shows that it's much better and more helpful to embrace and welcome them, be it one's own emotions, or the emotions of others. Create a shared space where they can just be.
"Feeling them too" is not compassion or empathy either, and it does not actually help anyone. It is a (mis)trained strategy, and again, it can be changed.
"Empathy" in #NVC is a process where you connect to the feelings and needs of the other without judgment or assumptions, and you relate that back to them in a way that makes them feel heard. It is not a trait or a magic skill, it can be practiced and developed.
"Sympathy" is "relating to their experience by comparing it to your own". In very few situations, sympathy can be empathic, but in most it is not. It disconnects you from the other.
I feel uncertain these days that I can give someone an honest compliment, or speak with genuine admiration to someone about a mutual friend, without being suspected of sarcasm or some kind of ulterior motive. Do I just have some kind of psychological issue I need to work on? Or is it that our culture has become deeply weird about compliments? Collective irony overdose from 20 years of Gen X eye-rolling (Disclaimer: I'm at the younger end of Gen X)?
"Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, PhD., traveled the world mediating conflicts and training people for over 40 years. He said that in every culture people are playing one of two games. One of those games is called 'Who’s right and who’s wrong?' And the other game is called 'How can I make life more wonderful?'"