@darthdzl@mastodon.world
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darthdzl

@darthdzl@mastodon.world

I'm made of meat!
Location: #Arizona
Lifelong #DallasCowboys fan
#NFL #AmericasTeam #HowBoutThemCowboys #CowboysNation #Cowboys

If you follow me and I don't follow you back, forgive me. I only have two eyes and a finite amount of time to scroll through posts. I don't want to ignore anything that the people I'm following have to say.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

dgar, to random
@dgar@aus.social avatar

threw a party on the weekend.

It was like an S-Club party.

darthdzl,
@darthdzl@mastodon.world avatar

@dgar
Oh dear. Where did it land?

Were there any casualties?

😁

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dgar, to random
@dgar@aus.social avatar

The envelope to the stamp said:

“Stick with me and we’ll go places!”

darthdzl,
@darthdzl@mastodon.world avatar

@dgar

dgar, to random
@dgar@aus.social avatar

Everyone should wear a different deodorant under each arm.

That’s my two scents.

darthdzl,
@darthdzl@mastodon.world avatar

@madjo
@dgar
GAH! How did you get into this shed?! And what are you doing with my grenades?! 💣💥

darthdzl,
@darthdzl@mastodon.world avatar

@madjo
@dgar
Oh sure. Next you're gonna tell me you sleep-built a campfire, sleep-organized everything by color, and was sleep-juggling the grenades when I walked in. 😁

darthdzl,
@darthdzl@mastodon.world avatar

@madjo
@dgar

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dgar, to random
@dgar@aus.social avatar

I was told I should sing tenor twelve miles away.

darthdzl,
@darthdzl@mastodon.world avatar

@dgar

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dgar, to random
@dgar@aus.social avatar

When people misuse the words concrete, asphalt and gravel, it's just cementics.

darthdzl,
@darthdzl@mastodon.world avatar

@dgar
Okay, that deserves the OG facepalm...

video/mp4

dgar, to random
@dgar@aus.social avatar

Hi. I’m. William. Shatners. Speechwriter.

darthdzl,
@darthdzl@mastodon.world avatar

@dgar

dgar, to random
@dgar@aus.social avatar

8 Hobbits = 1 Hobbyte

darthdzl,
@darthdzl@mastodon.world avatar

@dgar

dgar, to random
@dgar@aus.social avatar
darthdzl,
@darthdzl@mastodon.world avatar

@dgar
Hey! There ain't no pie in that chart! 😠🥧

dgar, to random
@dgar@aus.social avatar
darthdzl,
@darthdzl@mastodon.world avatar

@dgar

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dgar, to random
@dgar@aus.social avatar

If I wear cowboy clothes, am I ranch dressing?

darthdzl,
@darthdzl@mastodon.world avatar

@dgar

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dgar, to random
@dgar@aus.social avatar

Just when you think that food cannot possibly call you on your phone....BOOM!!!

Onion rings.

darthdzl,
@darthdzl@mastodon.world avatar

@dgar
Banana phone! 😁

dgar, (edited ) to random
@dgar@aus.social avatar

Care to share Cher on a chair?

darthdzl,
@darthdzl@mastodon.world avatar

@dgar
You dare to care whether I share Cher on a chair?

Why not Cher at a fair, showing off her fabulous hair?

It's unfair to impair her rare flair by keeping her on a chair. At least give her a square and fair chance to glare.

But, don't despair. We can bear the rare air that has been bared hare (oops, I mean here).

So, say a prayer for Cher if the wear and tear on the chair causes a tear and dumps her down there.

darthdzl, to tesla
@darthdzl@mastodon.world avatar

Why? Why is there shock? Elon Musk is a toddler in a middle-aged guy's body. He's capricious, emotional, moody, egotistical, and utterly oblivious to the chaos he causes.

He eventually ruins everything he touches this way: companies, relationships, everything.

This shouldn't be a shock to anyone who hasn't been locked in a cave for the past several years.

https://www.axios.com/2024/04/30/tesla-layoffs-supercharger-team

dgar, to random
@dgar@aus.social avatar

My friend was a struggling artist until he decided to just do sculptures.

He made over six figures last year.

darthdzl,
@darthdzl@mastodon.world avatar

@dgar

dgar, to random
@dgar@aus.social avatar

wonders... WWFSMD?

darthdzl,
@darthdzl@mastodon.world avatar

@dgar
Sneeze out a new universe.

dgar, to random
@dgar@aus.social avatar

If you're a hammer, all your problems look like nails.

darthdzl,
@darthdzl@mastodon.world avatar

@dgar
No wonder all I see are 2x4s.

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dgar, to random
@dgar@aus.social avatar

I have a joke about trickle down economics, but 99 percent of you won’t get it.

darthdzl,
@darthdzl@mastodon.world avatar

@dgar

dgar, to random
@dgar@aus.social avatar

I can’t open my oven.

Turned it to 180° and now it’s facing the wall.

darthdzl,
@darthdzl@mastodon.world avatar

@dgar

video/mp4

dgar, to random
@dgar@aus.social avatar

What’s the difference between a guitarist and a government savings bond?

Eventually, a savings bond will mature and make money.

darthdzl,
@darthdzl@mastodon.world avatar

@dgar
@madjo

shambles toward Dgar
Braaaaainz.

video/mp4

dgar, to random
@dgar@aus.social avatar

Ants don’t often get sick.

They have anty bodies.

darthdzl,
@darthdzl@mastodon.world avatar

@dgar

video/mp4

dgar, to random
@dgar@aus.social avatar

Pre means before.

Post means after.

To use both prefixes together would be preposterous.

darthdzl,
@darthdzl@mastodon.world avatar

@dgar

dgar, to random
@dgar@aus.social avatar

Them: You got any sleeping pills?

Me: Yeah, knock yourself out.

darthdzl,
@darthdzl@mastodon.world avatar

@dgar

video/mp4

dgar, to random
@dgar@aus.social avatar

I lost my mood ring and I don’t know how I feel about that.

darthdzl,
@darthdzl@mastodon.world avatar

@dgar
Purple. 😁

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