Is it normal for a person to "feel" less as they get older?

I remember experiencing the world much more vividly when I was a little boy.

I would step outside on an autumn evening and feel joy as the cool breeze rustled the leaves and caressed my skin. In the summers, I would listen to the orchestra of insects buzzing around me. I would waddle out of the cold swimming pool and the most wonderful shiver would cascade out of me as I peed in the bathroom. In the winters, I would get mesmerized by the simple sound of my boots crunching the snow under me.

These were not experiences that I actively sought out. They just happened. I did not need to stop to smell the figurative roses, the roses themselves would stop me in my tracks.

As I got older, I started feeling less and less and thinking more and more.

I’ve tried meditation, recreation, vacation, resignation, and medication. Some of these things have helped but I am still left wondering… is this a side effect of getting older? Or is there something wrong with me?

FrostBolt,
FrostBolt avatar

Years of mindfulness meditation have helped counteract this for me. In fact, I’ve had experiences as an adult that have eclipsed my younger years - strong euphoric ones, often in nature. Sometimes the feeling is so strong it’s almost unbearably joyful and full of wonder. But I do get your point. Certainly I have fewer novel experiences as 40-something than I used to and I have to make a concerted effort to see with fresh eyes.

Prefix,

I think a big part of it is that when we are young, all of these are new experiences to us. And as such, they carry a lot more emotion and stimulation.

As an adult, you’ve experienced many things. To some degree, your brain is likely acustomed to it.

Something that helps is breaking out of your routines and experiencing new things. I’ve heard our neural pathways described as the grooves that form on a hill when sledding. When you first slide down the hill, you’re making brand new grooves. Each trip is different and unique. But over time, trails get established and you end up using the same worn trails over and over.

Experiencing new, bespoke things is like breaking out of the trails and making a new one.

At least, that’s my understanding! I’m not a proffessional, just someone who can relate to what you’re describing :)

finnegans_ghost,

I have to agree. I grew up in a tropical climate and moved to the northern part of the northern hemisphere several years ago. The first few winters I would look like some kind of child lost in the wonder of the beauty of snow falling because I’d never lived in a place that had snow. Sometimes I still have those moments.

I am not a doctor, but it could be depression. It is really difficult to not feel terrible sometimes given the state of the world right now.

kaktus,

I think one of the reasons people like having kids, is because they can see the world through there eyes. Everything you’ve already experienced numerous of times, they get to see for the first time and relay there joy to you. And you get to show them. Ignoring the depressing reality, painting a picture of the world like it once felt to you.

lemminer, (edited )

I’ll add one more point.

Not just cause of age, but people disregard feeling when they don’t find it comfortable with. People want to be treated in someway and don’t want you feel in other shape or form.

Which is another reason why we tame/shape our feelings abiding by the social norms.

I used to be over friendly in my 20s. That behaviour isn’t appreciated in professional relationships. I had to change my attitude towards people overtime and stop emphathizing with them, to a certain degree.

It is certainly a matter of environment and peers you had around you, not age.

bobs_monkey,

Definitely agree. To your point on new things, I still feel that sense of awe and wonder when I go on trips to places I’ve never been, hear an awesome song for the first time, or even learn something new. It takes a certain level of motivation to feel those senses as you age (mid 30s here), and determination to seek those things out. I know I am lucky in that I’m at a stage in life where I have the resources to make some of these happen, but a lot of it is also forcing the free time to both seek out experiences and also be able to appreciate them.

jandar_fett,

Yep. Each time you perform the same action, say the same words, think the same thoughts the connection of the neural pathways responsible for those things are strengthened. It is why depression and anxiety and other mental issues are so hard to reverse. It is possible though. I urge anyone who thinks they have depression to look up a book called “The Upward Spiral.” It is co-written by a neuroscientist and a psychologist and was really eye opening for me on the inner workings of the brain when it comes to depression and anxiety and has helped me at least start on a path to making myself better.

crossover,

I felt similar. Then I had a kid and seeing the world through their eyes brings much of it back. Nothing quite like the rush of emotions (and sleep deprivation) of being a parent to a young child.

oldfart,

Not my experience at all. Having a child is like being kicked in the balls every time you try to find your own inner child

keegomatic,
keegomatic avatar

This really is true. Experiencing it now, myself.

RBWells,

I don’t know about normal, but I have more than 50 years and not jaded yet - the dish soap making bubbles still delights me, the beautiful sky makes me stop and stare, the smell of the night blooming jasmine, the world is just so incredible I don’t know how anybody can really get used to it. Like, the fact that you get to exist at all, with consciousness and a physical body, it’s not something I can take for granted.

Now if you mean am I more busy or distracted now? I think again the answer is no but I didn’t like childhood and have enjoyed being an adult.

I would suggest a dream journal and trying to lucid dream, if your waking self has lost its sense of wonder

ProfezzorDarke,

See, and that guy is proof not everyone get’s recessive depression. I wish you dear luck staying like this, dude.

anon,

the dish soap making bubbles still delights me

I’m guilty of being an old-ass adult and buying myself a disney bubble machine when I saw it on the spot for myself (and the dogs).

SynopticVision,

That’s exactly why we do drugs

Drop_All_Users,

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/b597c5df-07a1-4d38-adca-b2caee146e32.png

dditty,

'cause ya never know when your gonna go!

RickRussell_CA,
RickRussell_CA avatar

Part of it is looking back through rose-colored glasses. Sure, there was joy, but there was that time you stubbed your toe and you got so emotionally disregulated that you cried for an hour, or the time your parents put the wrong color socks on you and you screamed a bad word at them and refused to leave the house, or... etc.

You learned to regulate your emotions. That's mostly a good thing, but it also means that you learn to control yourself in the moment, and you don't tend to lose yourself in joy like you did as a child.

And that's OK. I enjoy things differently now, than I did then. Back then, when I played with a toy car, it gave me great joy but if something broke, or things didn't go my way, I also suffered uncontrollable anger and frustration. Today, when I take my TRX-4 trail truck out on the trails, I feel a different kind of joy that is mixed with intellectual understanding of the engineering of the machine, an appreciation of the beauty of the natural world that I didn't have as a child, etc. And if something breaks, it's not an emotional thing any more. I know I can fix it, I have the ability and the desire.

Heck, it's enjoyable to break things, take them apart, and fix them again. That certainly wasn't true when I was 6.

platysalty,

And if something breaks, it's not an emotional thing any more. I know I can fix it, I have the ability and the desire.

Fixing stuff breaking is honestly half the fun. Weird love hate thing.

RickRussell_CA,
RickRussell_CA avatar

Exactly. Break something, and the fun stops for now, but TIME FOR AN UPGRADE!

platysalty,

Geez, let everyone know my MO why don't you.

ComradePorkRoll,

Due to climate change, there are less roses to smell. You could just be coping with the fact that you are aware of more pressing issues nowadays.

Aceticon,

It’s do with living in the moment vs spending your time thinking about what you did or worrying about what the future might bring, IMHO.

We become way more prone to spend our time doing things like thinking about stuff we did (and how we miss it if it was good or could’ve done it better if it was bad) and worrying about what the future can bring (and not necessarily in grand terms: somethingas simple as “I have to get a haircut” which then goes one to “when will I have the time”, then “but I need that time for X” and so on) as we grow older.

You absolutelly can still have some moments of wonder (for things as simple as how a cobweb looks with droplets of morning mist on it) but you need to be present there in mind also, not just in body, and not to not let some memory or concern rush in to take your mental attention away from the now.

I had a point in my life with a ton of anxiety and ended up learning Mindfulness (which is simply to try and not say anything to yourself in your mind, which is surprisingly hard to do for more than a few seconds) to stop the feeling (if you’re not constantly looking back to something bad or fearing for something bad in the future you don’t feel anxious about those things) and as a side effect I ended up with the habit of being more often present in the moment and that’s how you just enjoy little wonders when you come across them.

Still, it’s nowhere at the level one has as a kid.

quadrotiles,

There is definitely nothing wrong with you. There’s a reason the phrase “childlike wonder” exists. It’s normal for the newness and novelty of everything to amaze a child, and it’s normal for experiences to become routine to adults. Even if you do experience something new, there’s a very good chance that it’s similar enough to something you’ve experienced before. Brains are designed to find patterns and relate things back to past experiences as part of a survival instinct.

But there is also nothing wrong with people who don’t have the experience I described above. The above experience is probably more common for people with neurotypical brains. I’ve never been able to relate to “not feeling” or “feeling less”, even though it seems to be quite common. My feelings are always a live wire, dialed up to 100 (and honestly, I’m over people - including doctors - telling me how nice that must be). But there’s nothing “wrong” with my brain. It just functions differently, with different strengths and weaknesses. It’s like comparing a car and a motorbike. They have different driving sensations, require different skill sets and safety precautions, but they’re both vehicles that will get you from A to B.

aaron_griffin,

Are farts still funny? Then you’re good

aaron_griffin,

For real though, you might be depressed. Talking to a therapist could help suss that out.

ElectricSleep,

That is an ingenius litmus test!

NukeminHerttua,

I’m sure it also has something to do with that when you get older, you’ve had those experiences many more times than as a child. They just don’t feel that specia anymore.l

aaron_griffin,

This is also why days feel faster as you age. More repetition and your brain doesn’t need to form as much new memories.

Want to live longer? Experience more novelty!

anonymoose,
@anonymoose@lemmy.ca avatar

Wow, that rings brutal, but true. “Childlike wonder” is truly special.

Aloeofthevera,

Fully recommend the psychedelics BUT it’s not for everyone.

Practice mindfulness through meditation.

Psychedelics do what that does but does so through explosive force, lol.

Mindfulness is so fundamentally critical to feeling alive again. That breeze still exists. The sound of the cicadas buzzing away is still there. The scent of rain still permeates.

Meditation isn’t going “ohmmmmm🧘”. It’s a practice of clearing your mind, and living through your senses. Discerning your existence through means other than thought.

When you were a kid, you didn’t have the capacity to only think like you do now. You were jumping between thought and raw sensory analysis. You were both free and grounded through your senses.

It’s about finding a balance that as a kid you couldn’t obtain, and that as an adult you have forsaken.

Good luck friend. Just know that you can get back to that.

Edit: I’d like to add that you practice until it’s second nature, and you become much more aware as a result. You won’t need to stop to smell those roses - they will grab your attention.

charolastra,

I’ve occasionally referred to psychedelics as ‘microwave Buddhism’

karce,

Hey OP, a lot of people are suggesting psilocybin or other psychedelics. If you’re interested you can ask questions about that in the !magic community. I moderate it but there are psychonauts there that know about this stuff who are friendly and helpful.

mysoulishome,
@mysoulishome@lemmy.world avatar

Joining. The therapeutic ketamine sub was one I’d recently joined and enjoyed before snoopocalypse. I’m in.

VediusPollio,

My friend was wondering how someone else could even get a hold of mushrooms or spores in secret, without having to use the mail, if some other rando was crazy enough to consider microdosing?

fuckadmins,

https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/099ba7c8-54bd-40f1-88c6-7bc091038696.webp

https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/099ba7c8-54bd-40f1-88c6-7bc091038696.webp

https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/099ba7c8-54bd-40f1-88c6-7bc091038696.webp

https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/099ba7c8-54bd-40f1-88c6-7bc091038696.webp

https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/099ba7c8-54bd-40f1-88c6-7bc091038696.webp

zabadoh,

If you read up on how our brains age, it’s basically pruning neuron branches. While this is a good thing up to a point, the pruning process continues well past our brains’ peak performance because evolution is done with you at that point, I.e. you had your kids by then.

theguardian.com/…/brain-tree-why-we-replenish-onl…

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