Ironfist,

better be 40% alcohol or I will bite your hand!

intensely_human,

Gets humans high

Sibbo,

Prevents nuclear annihilation

lolcatnip,

Probably the same way treats for children are marketed, because they have the same requirements: it has to appeal to both children’s hedonism and parents’ desire to feel like they’re not feeding their children garbage.

Of course, that’s assuming humans can understand the higher beings’ marketing. If they can’t, it’ll be marketed just like pet treats: a claim that your humans will love it, plus a lot of reassurance that the treat is actually good for your pet humans.

AnnaFrankfurter,

The same way social media is advertising now.

HobbitFoot,

It is all part of a healthy diet to keep your human’s hair silky smooth and skin soft.

venoft,
@venoft@lemmy.world avatar

This reminds me of a text I read on a veterinarian website the other day, “Sterilizing your cat is good for them because then they don’t have to go through heat all the time.” I imagined this text on a hospitals website and the shitstorm it would bring.

HobbitFoot, (edited )

It gets far worse when you talk about euthanasia, especially if part of the reason is economic.

Cysioland,
@Cysioland@lemmygrad.ml avatar

Poland be like:

Sterilization for female cats (non-consensual): :)
Sterilization for people with uteruses (consensual): :(

kromem,

Heroin - safer than fentanyl and sure to keep your human from ever running away.

“When my little Bobby is a bit too active and needs to calm down, I chose heroin each time, every time.”

Heroin: Xorglob tested, human approved.”

InputZero,

It’s alarming how frequently my vet prescribes benzos for my dog. He’s a reactive dog sure but he’s not overly anxious. Part of me thinks that it’s the vet trying to make one more sale sometimes.

Rai,

hay itz me, ur dog

edit: arf

Corkyskog,

Just get a stray dog and take it to the vet. After $500 in bills you can get some dog Diazepam.

dbilitated,
@dbilitated@aussie.zone avatar

“Sedates and pleases! Great for temperament”

Today,

That sounds good. Can i get mine now? Plus a few extra to pass out?

einlander,

To Serve Man.

HobbitFoot,

I’m getting more Fantastic Planet vibes with this one.

crimsonpoodle,

hadn’t heard of that but seems cool will have to give it a watch!

ininewcrow,
@ininewcrow@lemmy.ca avatar

Three product lines of tasty fatty and salty foods that will be thoroughly enjoyed by your pet while at the same time staving off heart disease, diabetes or excessive weight gain. Perfectly formulated to help maintain the health of your pet to ensure a long healthy maximum lifespan. The food is also mixed with a special formula of perfectly balanced simulants, antidepressants, methamphetamines, anti-psychotic and microdoses of LSD and other hallucinogenics.

Product one has minimum levels of mind stimulating drugs to keep your pet happy on a regular basis.

Product two has increased doses to sedate and calm your pet when it is feeling depressed, isolated or stressed.

Product three has increased levels of addictive substances such as methamphetamines in order to be used as a control method to train your pet properly. These can used as treats in order to manipulate your pet into learning specific activities.

Aussiemandeus,
@Aussiemandeus@aussie.zone avatar

Ohhh can I be proactive 3

Deconceptualist,

Pretty much exactly like Doritos™?

betheydocrime,

Porno for Pyros, is that you?

disoxlw,

Obligatory mention of Humans Don’t Make Good Pets.

pruwybn,
@pruwybn@discuss.tchncs.de avatar

Porno for Pyros lied to us?

Today,

We’ll make Grapette

SkaveRat,

Nice try, alien marketing agency

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • asklemmy@lemmy.ml
  • DreamBathrooms
  • magazineikmin
  • InstantRegret
  • GTA5RPClips
  • ethstaker
  • Youngstown
  • everett
  • slotface
  • osvaldo12
  • rosin
  • mdbf
  • kavyap
  • thenastyranch
  • ngwrru68w68
  • megavids
  • Durango
  • modclub
  • cubers
  • khanakhh
  • Leos
  • tacticalgear
  • cisconetworking
  • vwfavf
  • tester
  • anitta
  • normalnudes
  • provamag3
  • JUstTest
  • All magazines