I was sixteen so in a bunch of states that counts as an adult for some situations. We were on a band trip to Disney World to march in the Main Street parade, and we stayed at a very cheap motel that had a very scummy pool. Being an idiot sixteen year old I jumped in.
First mistake.
That night I woke up vomiting, but because my band needed me and I didn't want to miss a free trip to Disney World I toughed it out. I was queasy but okay by the time we got there, and was okay until everybody had to meet up by the Pirates of the Caribbean ride to go "backstage" to get ready.
I was sitting on the wall there, next to my girlfriend, surrounded by classmates, when I trusted a fart.
Second mistake.
I told the band director and waited until everyone went backstage, and then proceeded to DESTROY a staff toilet while listening to two guys put their makeup on and bitch about the other cast members. Then I went back to the motel for a shower.
I ended up marrying that girl, who is now my ex, and who makes my life miserable every time she can.
I drank too much cold brew and trusted a fart when I shouldn’t have. I was actually on the phone with my dad when it happened, thank god it was at home.
I once set my kitchen on fire by pouring flammable liquid on the stove burner while answering the phone while my mom was calling. “Hey mom, gonna have to call you back”
The first was in preparation for my first colonoscopy, where I was told that I was only allowed clear broth, clear soda, coffee, and water for 24hr before taking the colon prep solution. I didn't think the diet would give a mile-long headstart before the prep solution, so I enjoyed copius amounts of clear broth and coffee, which ran through me like a river, resulting in the mishap. The bathroom was only 10ft away from me, but it was still too far given the rapid pressure buildup.
The second was during an insurance conflict about my Crohn's Medication, resulting in a flareup and multiple weeks of gut agony and loose stool. It got to the point where no flatulence was trustworthy, and I took a gamble because I was so tired of getting up to run to the restroom every time I felt something bubbling (10+ restroom visits a day, each at the slightest sign of stomach rumbling will do that to a motherfucker).
It is always humiliating, even when I am home alone, and I am hyper concious about the possibility, even when in remission. It fucking bites.
“Farted” in a Hotel bed, while arriving with a stomach flu. Was a business trip I couldn’t get out of.
Was quite embarrassing to try to wash everything in the shower, and left them a note and a tip.
Luckily it seems that deal worked out, as I still had to stay for 2-3 weeks and nobody mentioned anything.
But wasn’t fun… Especially while still having a fever and the bowels doing whatever…
I remember getting wicked food poisoning on a work trip, only time I’ve ever had it and I used to travel a lot. May actually be the worst thing I’ve ever experienced, I was lucky the toilet was really close to the bathtub else I’d have had to priortise one or the other. The next day I felt dead, do not wish it on anyone.
Twice that I recall, both while at least mildly ill. Once, in law school, I was late to class and had an assigned seat in the middle of a row, so I was not keen to draw further attention to myself, but I had a rumbly tummy and the bowel wants what it wants. Eventually, despite what felt to me like truly heroic efforts, I did in fact excuse myself, only to find that floor's bathroom was closed. going down a flight of stairs does things to your regular clenching pressure, and by the time I made it to the toilet, "slug of poo" had made its way into my boxers. Damage to the undies was surprisingly mild, but I went ahead and called it a day for the rest of my classes, as I had skipped many times for far less legitimate reasons.
The other time I was just home with the shits and didn't quite make it once. Afterwards I moved my "I'm sick" nest a lot closer to the bathroom for the rest of the day.
I never get a chance to boast about it, but I can also proudly say that my farts are totally trustworthy, thus far through my life. You all need to hang out with a better class of farts, if you can't trust yours.
While my farts can also be trusted, the few times I doubted them I still went to the toilet just to be sure. It never turned out to be necessary but I’d rather take 20 seconds to go to the toilet and be safe than having to deal with the aftermath of a misjudgement.
I’ve ulcerative colitis so in the last week probably 5-6 as I’ve had a flare up and was in hospital and couldn’t get to the toilet in time. Plus I had frequent diarrhea.
99 of those times was when I had dysentery and had zero control over my bowels and took place over the course of like 3 days. I was literally bedridden and still having to muster the energy to get up every 5-10 minutes to shit… and sometimes, due to pure exhaustion or surprise, I just didnt act in time.
the other time was when I had an awful stomach flu and was literally forcibly drug out of my house by family who didnt believe I was sick until I shit in their car. Then they lost their minds over that
It wasnt intentional, but I have absolutely zero regrets about shitting in their car.
Had some regrets about having to clean myself off in the back yard and waddle into the house to shower, though, that was mostly cause i was so sick and low energy however.
I dont have any good excuse for when it’s happened to me. I travel a lot for work and the changes in diet plus things like stress and caffeine can cause my intestines to betray me sometimes lol.
So I was feeling a bit under the weather and farted while in bed before getting up. It felt a bit wet but I ignored it. Turned out I basically shat myself and only realized after passing an interview that morning.
Nobody noticed or they just didn’t mention it, I ended up getting up the job so all ended up alright (except my self esteem)
Ha, that’s actually a hilarious conversation my buddy and I once had. We were talking about aggressively pooping in your pants in an interview while maintaining eye contact to assert dominance. The thought was it would make you appear fractionally taller (spacing you slightly up from the seat), the interviewer would be intimated by your sudden infinitesimal height difference.
It was early in the morning so I basically just put on my pants and went straight there. It was just a bit and all liquid but yeah it got itchy lol. Not my best moment.
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