When was the last time you felt helpless in life?

I’m 24 and dealing with high blood pressure. I’ve seen five doctors, had countless tests, and they all say the same thing: “Take these pills and try to reduce pressure in your life.” It’s as though my blood pressure and heart rate have minds of their own, fluctuating freely without any reason.

For the past six months, I’ve felt like I’m on borrowed time. Every morning, I gulp down my pills, hoping I won’t have a stroke or end up disabled. Once, I dared to think I was better and skipped my meds for two days. Unfortunately, on day three, my blood pressure shot up over 150, bringing me crashing back to reality.

I’m not an nihilist, I’m the opposite of that. But facing my own mortality every second of life has hit me hard. Maybe I’m just like a “24 years old kid” tasting life’s bitterness for the first time. I hate to compare myself with others, but seeing friends partying, doing drugs, and sipping coffee just makes me hate this fate of mine even more.

I’m an artist, I studied music and wrote lots of songs (only keep them for myself, not trying to be a celebrity or anything like that…), and music has always been my escape. Lately, though, my songs have been pretty dark.

I’m sharing my story not for sympathy, but to connect with anyone else who’s going through a same journey in their life. If you’ve been there and made it out, please tell me how you did it. Any advice, hobby, or habit would help! And if you’re still stuck in the trenches like me, just know you’re not alone.

P/S: This post has been improved by ChatGPT since I’m not confident in my English.

shinigamiookamiryuu,

We’re all humans. In some way, shape, or form, we all feel helpless about one thing or another to an extent. People are poorly built for independence, especially if talking about in the form of single person homes, nuclear families, and jobs that involve a routine that’s set in stone. There is no such thing as complete soundness of mind, and parenting without the co-parenting help of the village is a huge balancing act. We are also often caught off-guard by the sheer complexity of some of the matters we face as well as those others face, with many moving parts we can piece together while others are perpetually in our blind spots. All those people you mention who go partying and drinking, although they may argue they’re living to the fullest in our crude world, take their perception of how experience works for granted. I’ve seen people whom everyone looks at with awe as the person soars to new heights before they are hit with a chronic medical condition, the one thing money can never protect you from. I myself have been reminded of my own unchangeable limits, having just the right set of circumstances that take my friends and family away from me, being pressured into resuming a past relative’s residence which moved me away from friends by a few hundred miles and invoked jealousy in my remaining family members. The truth will always be that humans will find it more ideal to be unconditionally generous and interdependent onto each other, without the cue of any system of thinking, which will be especially true as the complexity of existence increases and our intelligence grows which will cause more mental disorder to arise. I might have anhedonia, the medical community’s name for what comes off to them as a lack of motivational feelings towards the world, but I still can feel when the world lacks what it suffers without.

Maeve,

The truth will always be that humans will find it more ideal to be unconditionally generous and interdependent onto each other, without the cue of any system of thinking, which will be especially true as the complexity of existence increases and our intelligence grows which will cause more mental disorder to arise. I might have anhedonia, the medical community’s name for what comes off to them as a lack of motivational feelings towards the world, but I still can feel when the world lacks what it suffers without.

Social expectations, imposed on us by governments, mostly, are designed to break us down. So they label anyone who sees past it, with it without happiness, as having a mental disorder. I neither want nor need an antidepressant to "fix" me. In fact, I've managed to become generally ok and usually happy. What I want is for everyone to work together to fix this ghastly "system" designed to make us crazy. Thoreau caught on too, and they used to make Walden required reading, but that didn't serve the system. Do they still teach it, beyond university liberal arts?

shinigamiookamiryuu,

Yes, or it at least is in my school. It’s too easy to see one’s thoughts in books (Of Mice and Men comes to mind here too, being on the opposite end of the scale, me being in the middle), so any underlying messages perceived by others went over my head, but if everyone’s word is went by, to put it briefly, Thoreau could use a sense of sonder.

Maeve,

So he should be inauthentic about inauthenticity? Lol.

jordanlund,
@jordanlund@lemmy.world avatar

Tuesday. Ended up in the ER with a massive pain in my side, felt like I had ruptured something.

Turns out it was “Epiploic Appendagitis”, which is kind of like appendicitis but on the other side. I call it “Table of Contentsitis”.

Not dangerous, just hurts like fuck so they loaded me up with hydromorphone.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4644543

“hydromorphone is five to ten times more potent than morphine”.

khiemtu27,

Thank you for sharing your story! I’m sorry to hear about your experience, hope you recover soon and never have to endure anything like that again.

Maeve,

Ever had food poisoning on top of IBS? I wasn't wanting to swap war stories, apologies if it seemed minimizing.

jordanlund,
@jordanlund@lemmy.world avatar

War zone in your gut? Yeah, feels like that…

Maeve,

Countless hours a day with the anterior in the trash can and posterior on the toilet.

FunkyMonk,

It sucks dude, I got a thing with my stomach after being nervous and having a weird/high heartrate my whole life. Wish I had some better advice but sometimes there are still good days. Art helps, It helps me even more when I channel my more sinister thinking into it and sometimes it's a shitty place to go. Have to feel out my moods carefully and it sucks. Ranting about it sometimes like this helps too, don't be shy to do it more either. Don't ever fall into the trap of 'others have it worse' it's ok to be mad at things sucking in your own life, I think anyway. It's also good to focus on those few things that make it not suck for a little or suck less, thats how I get by.

Maeve,

Gratitude is an amazing drug, but it must be used on schedule, for a while, before results are felt.

Maeve,

Hi. I'm really sorry you're going through this. It sounds really scary. I'm wondering if you have some other condition going on. Is it possible this is related to any other physical conditions? Is getting a thorough physical workup doable?

That being ruled out, maybe you could talk to a counselor with regard to your stressors, physical and mental? Are you getting plenty of fresh air and sun? Vitamin d is amazing for so many things, and it's best when you can get enough from sunlight. Plus just walking several times a week is great. Maybe nutrition coaching is also a possibility?

khiemtu27,

I’ve taken a thorough blood test, x-ray, and CT scan. Doctors are like “It’s just the stress dude, your body is ok.”

Thank you a lot for these suggestions. I’m gonna try them out!

Maeve,

You're so welcome. I wish I had more to offer. Best wishes to you.

victorz,

OP, try an LCHF diet, see if that helps your high blood pressure. Worth a shot?

Jimmyeatsausage,

Not a good idea to try a new diet without consulting the docs first…especially with preexisting conditions.

VaultBoyNewVegas,

Yep. I’ve IBD and i can’t ear onions, garlic or even veggies in general unless they’re boiled really soft as they fuck with my gut but I can eat a donut ok and would be encouraged to because of the sugar in it. Most people wouldn’t tell me to not avoid veggies unless really soft as most people think fruit and veggies are great as they’re healthy but the the care team I have which includes a consultant and a nurse who specialize in my disease have to me nope.

khiemtu27,

Thanks a lot for the suggestion, I’m definitely going to ask my doctor about this!

victorz,

I hope it works! LCHF seems to work for all kinds of ailments. Even diabetes. Very cool stuff. But yes, obviously consult your doctor, and make sure it’s a good, scientific doctor that listens to up-to-date, peer-reviewed research.

Zidane, (edited )

Got put on BP meds at 15… 15 years later still on them… I tried a bunch of different ones but the one I’ve been on longest has helped the most. As a child I had a mostly healthy diet and plenty of exercise with sports and extra activities. Guess that means I’ll just be taking it daily for life :^(

Edit: forgot to mention I still have near constant palpitations and mildly high BP/heart rate even while on meds AND laying down :^)

khiemtu27,

My heart rate isn’t always elevated, but when it does… over the roof. I believe those moments might be what they call panic attacks. I’ve noticed similar instances. Sometimes, I’ll be lying in bed, watching YouTube, and suddenly experience palpitations out of nowhere. These random occurrences often worry me the most. Anyway, thank you for sharing your story!

Melkath,

Blood pressure charts are made by 100lb 5ft4in doctors who run a mile every day and live on a diet of kale and insist everyone should measure the same way.

You're fine bro.

Your worrying about your blood pressure is raising your blood pressure.

Maeve,

That's not true. High BP can lead to kidney failure, stroke, heart attacks. And having tachycardia at that age makes me wonder what else is going on. Ianad, but I've lost plenty friends and family members to heart and bp issues that would have been easily treatable if they proper Care wouldn't have been cost-prohibited. I did have one friend who could have well -afforded his BP meds and eaten/exercised better (maybe 40 lb overweight), but just didn't, plus drank heavily, by medical definition.

Melkath,

The point is a 24 year old doesn't need to bring about a stroke today from constant panic because of their BP.

I was and am there.

The best thing they can do is not listen to people like you trying to spike their BP with panic.

Maeve,

Sure. Just ignore symptoms and stroke out regardless.

Melkath,

Spoken like a 2nd year doctor or a 3rd year nurse.

machinin,

Marcus Aurelius was helpful to me - don’t be sad about the things you’ve lost, be grateful about what you’ve gained. He was specifically talking about the loss of a child. Some people are angry at God because he took away their child to soon. We should be grateful for even the short amount of time we had with that child. I have been able to apply it to so many other situations as well. Just living in constant gratitude can make your life so much better.

khiemtu27,

I also believe that philosophy could be invaluable during times like these, offering us new perspectives on life’s challenges. Thanks a bunch for your suggestion!

TotallyNotSpez, (edited )

About 2 years ago I got diagnosed with a very bad case of osteoporosis. I’m 37 now and my bones are shockingly fragile. Saturday I moved to a new gaff, carrying a box upstairs, slightly bumping the box into my side on the banister. I felt how one of my ribs broke.

It is super annoying. Meds can’t really fix it though since other meds for another condition are likely causing the low bone density. I don’t know how many years this will take off my life expectancy or when I’ll have to start using crutches.

Lemminary, (edited )

Pfft, like every other day.

E: Sorry, looking back this sounds insensitive but I do mean it. It’s tough doing the basic things sometimes but I’m trying.

Thrillhouse,

You just gotta try to hang on. Life as you get older is a total question of wtf is going to happen next.

I’m in one of those cycles.

  1. Covid
  2. Walked in on my dad almost dead from undiagnosed cancer and my childhood home trashed because everything fell apart when he was looking after my mom who has early onset dementia
  3. 2 weeks later my dad dies & I am visiting the hospital during the height of Covid. My mom has to live in the hospital and doesn’t know who I am anymore. She doesn’t know her husband died.
  4. Cancer scare. I think it will be fine? They’re still testing.
  5. Husband lost his job. I am the only breadwinner.
  6. Sister in abusive relationship with a severely mentally unstable husband who is spending all of their money. I fear every day he is going to kill her and their kids. She can’t kick him out of the house because he is on disability and can’t afford his own place.
  7. Substantial changes at my job leading to feelings of mega insecurity for me.

Oh yeah and my mom isn’t even dead yet!

But I’ve also had some really great experiences during this time that I wouldn’t trade for the world.

If psychedelics are safe for you and you have no history of mental illness in your family I would strongly suggest that.

khiemtu27,

You’re 100000 times stronger than most people I know, including myself. I’m so sorry for all you’ve had to endure. It’s strange how hearing about others’ struggles can sometimes make us feel better, but it truly does.

Maeve,

Jesus! Please accept my virtual hug? I'm really proud of you, how strong you are to be going through all that and have such a healthy outlook. I'm so glad you shared, setting an example for all of us, myself included.

Wrt sister's husband... That's not her problem. But if she's concerned fur everyone involved, maybe subsidized housing is a possibility? Maybe with minor children, she's able to get free or low-cost legal counseling? I know you didn't ask for my advice, I'm sorry if I was out of bounds. Thank you again for showing us the power of grace, gratitude and humility. You knock it out of the park.

Thrillhouse,

Everyone has their stuff and their time to go through it.

Looking at what others are enduring too helps for inspiration and strength - frig someone I know has a parent dying of ALS and doesn’t even show it in their day to day. That’s a rough situation, they’re in their early 30s like me and they’re handing it with so much grace.

Someone else I know, late 20s, just severely injured themselves in a foreign country to the point where they are in a medically induced coma and may never walk again. The medical bills are going to be at least $100k to evacuate them out, and they can’t leave the country until it’s paid. That’s awful for them and their family.

I wouldn’t trade either of these situations for my own.

I’m not saying OP should look down on people who have it worse or that they can’t be mad/sad with their current situation. Just that hearing others’ stories can help with the strength to move forward.

In terms of my sis, one of the greatest lessons in life I’ve learned is that you can’t make another adult do anything even when it really is the best thing for them. I think there’s a strong criminal harassment case but she’s gotta get there - I just have to support her until she does. This gets him out of the house, makes it safer for her, and then they can divide assets. She’s trying to deal with him rationally and keep harmony but it hasn’t sunk in that no matter what she does it will boost the tension and she’s just gotta rip the band aid off in the smartest and safest way. In divorce law, it can be used against you if you “abandon the home” and their home has tons of equity so she can’t go anywhere. And any subsidized housing for him is several years’ wait. Hard to convince a mentally ill person who needs treatment of that when he flip flops between his new GF, breaking up with his new GF, can him and my sister get back together, wait no my sister is the devil and me and her are both cheating on our husbands (lol not cheating in her case because they’re separated), emailing my husband these lies and then in a separate email admitting they are lies, believing her birth control IUD is actually an abortion and she’s a baby killer, then wait no GF and him are back together.

LSNLDN,

Fuuuucking hell. Sending you positive energy. You’re right that reading others trials and tribulations really helps put one’s own shit into perspective. And there’s always so many people having a worse time of it especially right in the world. Thank you for sharing your experience and I hope it gets much better for you soon

Kaiyoto,

Lately I’ve felt helpless in that I can’t seem to get out of this rut. Other times in my life that I can think of was when I was getting paid minimum wage and couldn’t pay the debt I was dumb and racked up many years ago. Another time was when I was in an abusive relationship that I didn’t understand that I could end.

I’m sure there are many others but those stand out to me at the moment.

Maeve,

Hey, look at all you've come through! Sometimes life is just "meh " The important things is, you're showing up. That's glorious!

VaultBoyNewVegas,

Now I’ve had a flare up of ulcerative colitis for most of the year and I was in hospital about a month ago and discharged after 6 days which was a month ago. I’m now back in hospital because my disease didn’t improve at home and now it looked like I was responding to the treatment in hospital but things are going they way they went after I was discharged so fuck knows what they’ll do. I’ve a specialist nurse in charge of my general care and a consultant who calls the shots on the treatment. The nurse wants me on a medication that’s taken as an IV ASAP and the consultant wants me to take the previous prescribed medication that hasn’t worked despite working in 48 hours according to the manufacturer. So as the current treatment probably won’t work I fucking hope that the consultant don’t just decide “eh fuck it, let’s just open up his bowel and give the fucker a stoma bag”

I’m not in the US by the way I’m the UK and the NHS where I live is actually pretty good and the staff in general is great I’m the hospital I’m in and my nurse is great. I just don’t really like my consultant as any time he’s seen me in hospital it’s only for a minute asking how I’ve been and then he fucks off. It’s like he’s not interested in really finding out things in depth whereas the nurse and I will discuss things and she’ll explain why certain foods are harmful for me during a flare and how to work around that and she’ll explain the medication I’m on.

Maeve,

Yuck. I've had gastric issues for so long. I wish you a speedy and full recovery.

VaultBoyNewVegas,

I wish I just had gastric issues. IBD is basically inflammation of the bowel that’s caused by the immune system being in overdrive so basically the immune system is attacking the bowel. So it causes frequent need for the toilet in my case between 10 times to 20 times a day, I’ve had a temporary form of arthritis that caused swelling on my feet, I regularly suffer anemia and all the symptoms with that, I’ve lost weight, I was a UK large in clothes and now they’re baggy as fuck on me so I could be a small now, I end up with no appetite so I end up going days without eating or only eating a sandwich, I regularly haven’t slept for a months because I have to get up every hour for the toilet and with IBD when you need to go you need to go no, there’s no such thing as holding it. It’s also a chronic illness/disease so I’ll have to live with it the rest of my life.

LSNLDN,

Not to be one of those guys but have you tried cannabis for your symptoms? I have a friend with what you describe who I know treats all the symptoms effectively with a small bit of cannabis (vaped, pure) that means mostly he’s fine day to day. Also it’s legal in the UK, as you would be eligible for a medical prescription; it costs a bit and isn’t the best quality from all I’ve seen but you can always get whatever as long as you keep a prescription pot on you.

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • •
  • asklemmy@lemmy.world
  • DreamBathrooms
  • magazineikmin
  • ethstaker
  • khanakhh
  • rosin
  • Youngstown
  • everett
  • slotface
  • ngwrru68w68
  • mdbf
  • GTA5RPClips
  • kavyap
  • thenastyranch
  • cisconetworking
  • JUstTest
  • cubers
  • Leos
  • InstantRegret
  • Durango
  • tacticalgear
  • tester
  • osvaldo12
  • normalnudes
  • anitta
  • modclub
  • megavids
  • provamag3
  • lostlight
  • All magazines
    •