Historical cultural difference between the US and other countries. Although it is less prevalent now, it was expected for a male to be on his own and “leave the nest” as soon as they graduated high school, with college being that transition point if an education was pursued.
The old America where you left home as soon as you could and built your own life with hard work and skill is long gone, but the trope and the expectations are still there.
It was, like 25 years ago. Well, maybe 15 years ago.
Pre-2007.
Because back then people were making good money out of college, and they were able to buy a house for themselves. Shit, they didn’t even need to go to college. As long as you were working hard before 2007, and you were going to be able to find a down payment on a house as long as you didn’t have some kind of financial affliction.
That’s not to say that gen X had it easy as compared to those before them, but there’s a clear separation.
Millennials tried their hardest not to live at home, just because of the social stigma.
Gen Z is feeling that stigma less. That’s why you’re probably here questioning why it’s even a thing. You’re probably Gen Z.
I really hope the stigma goes away because unless the world economy improves, a lot of people will have to stay with parents until a lot later in life.
It is a cultural thing though. It’s not an issue at all in most of SE Asia.
I think folks are missing a huge cultural point of moving out with roommates. It’s culturally acceptable to move away from parents but live with like 3+ roommates starting with college / university and then well into establishing your career. I did this and most folks I know did this in Canada. Honestly some of the greatest times of my life. I and my roommates moved out at 18 to do this and I wouldnt have done it any other way. So many great independence skills came up during that time and just a great sense of freedom (even with working and school being a huge part of everything)
Back when I was a kid in the early 2000s we still had the mentality that it was easy to get a good job and buy a house and love by yourself. So when a young adult didn’t, the stigma was that they were too lazy to get a great job handed to them.
Since at least the 2008 recession that really hasn’t been the case, but the culture hasn’t caught up, or was slower to catch up.
It depends on your age. Living with your parents at 10 is different than 20 and is different than 40.
Ever since I was older than 25 or so, if I was going to go on a date with someone, if they lived with their parents that’s a huge complication. How’re we going to fuck? What if their parents don’t have good boundaries? How can I gauge if they know how to be an adult? Like, what if their mom still does their laundry and they don’t know how to take care of themselves?
It’s a proxy measurement for independence and being able to take care of themselves.
It’s a little different if they’re taking care of their parents. Still not great, but doesn’t have the “Do they even know how to take care of themselves?” problems.
Yes ambitious young people view it as bad, and adults view it as bad in the U.S. Young person’s (for lack of better term) usually wish for a life with freedoms. Older adults look it as bad parenting to have a kid who hasn’t moved on to “adulthood” which includes independence in our culture. I see it all the time. My parents (Born in 61) hate on all parents and adults who still live with their parents.
Also with media making extremists out of so many people it is more unlikely (not impossible) to find parents and kids that agree on much with viewpoints which can cause a lot of termoil between families.
That’s really interesting and quite unfortunate at the same time.
I’m from the UK and have many friends still living with parents at 30, I don’t judge them for it until they say they start wanting kids. Imo you need a house and stability to grow into when bringing up children because it’s their life not yours you need to consider.
However I’ve asked them if they get teased or pressured to move out by anyone at work or within their circle and they all say no.
I can see how old 90s and 00s TV sitcoms target people “living in their moms basement” as losers but if you’re out in the real world and are able to differentiate badly aged media I think the situation on my side of the pond is absolutely fine.
Property is just as expensive over here and young adults need to save for longer. I didn’t move out until mid 20s, my boomer parents had a 4 bed house so I had my own bathroom and everything. It’s not considered wrong in eastern culture so there was no problem staying.
In fact I think I left one year too early lol
Sounds like common Americans lack education of the above and bully others directly, which is toxic. Ouch.
It can be a bad thing for your parents if you are not contributing in any way. Humiliation doesn’t always help in promoting self-improvement but it is a social tool that establish social expectations. Producing value is expected in most societies. What changes is what value ought to be defined.
You are right that you did not mention being a home owner anywhere, but the inability for people to be so is a very fair reason to want to be living at home. That young people cannot be financially independent is a problem made by the older generations. The same young people may be working and contributing at home, without having said economic freedom.
Especially when one of your parents goes on about how Mexicans or Puerto Ricans don’t have any motivation and only want to collect money from the government and your only sibling is married to a woman who is a lawyer. (Half Puerto Rican)
I’m trying to find these places that a single person can afford because God damn, I can’t imagine that conversation being any less awkward with a roommate. “Like, hey bro, I know this is your place too and all, but you mind leaving for a bit so we can fuck for a while?”
It’s way less awkward when it’s a roommate. When I’ve had roommates and it’s the first time having a particular person over, everyone just kinda knows and no one needs to say anything.
So it’s more like:
“…”
“Oh yeah, I just remembered I was supposed to meet someone, see ya later bro!”
But generally even that’s rare. Mostly it’s just “[yawn]… I think I’ll turn in, enjoy the rest of the movie, you two!”
Unless you’re sharing a bedroom with someone. But I’ve done this too, so someone has to sleep on the coach or whatever. So yeah that can be awkward. But still way less awkward than taking someone home to meet the parents when you just started dating.
It comes from the Individualism ideology that Western culture holds dear. Americans just hold it tighter. It can be argued that the cause of this is American capitalism, which has greater focus on measuring success by one’s ability to consume (can you afford it, how much can you afford, are you self-reliant, your ability to consume more and better than you did last year).
I’d add on that the expectation in an individualist society like the US is to become independent and move out. Those ideas are used synonymously in a lot of contexts. Someone who hasn’t moved out can be seen as lacking independence. Of course that isn’t necessarily true, but it’s the perception.
For a young person growing up with these ideas as the standard, there can be a certain safety in forgoing that independence. That was my situation for years, where I was financially independent, but moved back home after my roommates moved away. I was in my mid twenties before I moved out for good.
They’re seen as not progressing through the expected stages of american life. It comes off as a refusal to grow up but obviously that’s not always the case.
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