Not feeling good. Not feeling like I'll be able to keep my shit together, if I have to deal with any random public today. I'm having one of those super difficult, overly emotional days. When I feel that I could either start crying or start screaming, at the slightest provocation.
I avoid all public encounters when feeling like this. I don't want to misdirect sadness/anger/frustration. I listen to my internal orange flags & heed them. Self-care.
@voxofgod Thanks. A lot of deep breathing, cat purring calming energy absorption, blindfolds fingerpainting, slow stretching, mineral bath soak, freeflow writing to release caged thoughts & a bit of time with my plants.
@msquebanh You're so much more together with that stuff than I am I just put on whatever I can stomach binging and go to sleep although that's changing and I am starting to act more part of it is winters finally gone which is odd to say considering the weather here in Manhattan right now raining and cold
Hot cocoa weather though! It's on the stove
And I've been catching up with stuff that I haven't wanted to do and going on long dogwalks without forcing myself thank you for new ideas 💜💜
@msquebanh I want to maybe do a group video chat if that's such a thing on Mastodon of people who would have a laughter yoga/breathing seminar, because as an opera singer I know at least... At LEAST 30 exercises Just regarding breathing and have made up at least five or six myself
Laughing is one of the better things for stamina and sleep, and it would be really cool to get a nice compendium of different breathing approaches and concepts / techniques
@voxofgod It took lots & lots of practice. I'll share some things that I've developed at home to personally self motivate myself, as part of my ongoing & lifelong self-care for overall improved wellness.
@Snowshadow Thanks. I had to tell Mom that tax appointment can be rescheduled - she was upset about it. I'm not OK to be in public today. She has to get over her temporary feelings & respect my needs for wellbeing. I told her - We could keep appointment but you'll be embarrassed because I know myself well & if forced to go into public - I'll have a loud public meltdown.
Mom's not as good with self-care. I love her. I won't let her guilt me out of doing my own necessary self-care.
@Snowshadow I love my beloved enough, I love myself enough to be able to say - Please back off & respect my needs to take care of myself. I'll be much stronger & even more capable of supporting you - if you back off & respect my serious needs for personal self-care.
I am pretty direct, in my communications.
@msquebanh I am also...and often people take it the wrong way. For example, if a person crosses a boundary I set, I will tell them. I point out what they did and say something like, "Please do not do that again. I respect your boundaries I expect the same from you..". Then I am finished and move on to a different topic, but some people don't understand the discussion is over. They have hurt feelings and resent what I said. I could understand that reaction if I was yelling, and angry but..🤷♀️
@Snowshadow I fully understand that!
I remind them - it's their responsibility to deal with their personal irks & issues. We are only external supports. Work on getting your internal to become stronger. The externals will be ugly & become uglier. Invest in strengthening your souls & spirits, to try & weather through.
@Snowshadow@msquebanh I am not good at enforcing personal boundaries. For too much of my life I was taught, quite without conscious intention I'm sure, that I wasn't permitted to have any.
@zakalwe@Snowshadow May I ask, how you feel when you try to ask others to please respect your personal boundaries, as choosing not to - is essentially sending a cowardly message that they're not taking your personal concerns as seriously as they should be addressed?
@msquebanh@Snowshadow I don't exactly understand what you're asking there, as worded.
I'm not good at enforcing personal boundaries. That doesn't mean I don't try. It does mean that sometimes it's still very difficult — especially when I feel threatened.
Some trauma — and some abuse — takes a hell of a long time to heal.
@zakalwe@Snowshadow I was asking how you deal - when you try to hold up your personal boundaries but they are not respected & they are violated, with no or very little apologies.
@msquebanh@Snowshadow Ah, thank you for clarifying. I understand the question better now.
It hurts, but if there is no acknowledgement of that and no apology, then I try to remember that this is on them not on me, and keep in mind thereafter that this is a person that I cannot trust — whether to have my back, or to consider my interest, particularly if they see it as conflicting with theirs. And that ranges from "This person is inconsiderate" to "This person does not actually see me as a real person."
@msquebanh@Snowshadow But also, as well, I refuse to allow this treatment to make me act that way. I WILL NOT participate in the cruelty. That is not who I am.
@Snowshadow@zakalwe And witnessing both. I lived through those horrors. Others who weren't there, physically, had many secondary induced, emotional traumas.
@Snowshadow@msquebanh Part of it, I think, is that there is this utterly dysfunctional attitude that being able to openly hurt and abuse people and suffer no consequences for it proves that you have power.
@zakalwe@Snowshadow Absolutely! I've always said - if you give bullies prizes & ignore the wounded victims - you might as well be an abusive bully too!
@Snowshadow@msquebanh Actually this is something that I discuss a bit in my novel Fireborn. My protagonist finds himself in the position of trying to explain sexual harassment in a culture that doesn't even have a word for it, because such behavior is considered so completely unacceptable that they never needed to coin an everyday term specifically to describe it. The Saamen language also doesn't have words for the concept of slavery, because they just don't enslave people, period.
@Snowshadow@zakalwe Have you two tried voice guided, blindfold painting & drawing? I created a fun therapy game - using art & blindfolds. Everyone I've tried doing this with - has found it very fun & surprisingly healing too.
@msquebanh@Snowshadow To be honest, it sounds like something that would make me anxious. I find drawing well difficult enough when I can see what I'm doing.
@zakalwe@Snowshadow It made me very anxious, when I first started it. However, it became very freeing & very healing - when I kept practicing it & adding it to my toolbox of healing tools. I found lack of seeing what I drew - allowed my hands to free flow a lot of traumas out, in safe environments.
@Snowshadow@zakalwe That's actually why I wanted to do it. To overcome massive PTSD triggers. I wanted to overcome many triggers & regain control over myself. I did it because not doing it meant caving to enemies who tried killing off all my loved ones. I didn't want my PTSD to keep me from more life.
@Snowshadow@zakalwe Absolutely! This is a huge reason why I refuse to pressure anyone into personal decisions. It is not my life. It is not my arena. If I care about anyone - I need to respect where they're at & enjoy friendship, outside of my worries about some friends.
@zakalwe@Snowshadow I'm saying also, people who choose to not respect your personal boundaries is rarely a YOU issue.
It is a disrespectful, skewed social issue & it crosses multiple statuses.
@zakalwe@Snowshadow I rarely use enforce - when it comes to personal boundaries. I do use it - in different environments.
I prefer to use - choosing to protect our own peace or choosing to have our own personal connection choices or just choosing to only be aligned with kindreds on similar lifelong healing & lifelong growth journeys. I've practiced long & hard, to ignore voices of folks who are A-OK with repression & oppression of BIPOC voices & lived experiences.
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