The good news is that thanks to the help of TeaHRT and @SleepyCatten , I have my spare #HRT coming to me. Crisis averted. I'm also meeting with a new, Medicaid-approved psychiatrist and therapist that'll be needed for the bad news.
The bad news? This morning, my mom passed away at the age of 60 due to complications of lung cancer. She was fighting via chemo on-and-off for the past five years. But about a-week-&-a-half ago, it reached the point where she sought at-home hospice. Me and my siblings were caretakers and assisted the hospice nurses as mom deteriorated more rapidly than expected.
I'm an emotional wreck right now. Thank the-deity-of-your-choice for dogs giving me support in this trying time.
Welp, my bank account is low. (I caved into ordering DoorDash to 'eat away the pain' and have to stop doing that) and I can't order the #DIYHRT I need to wait out the Planned Parenthood appointment.
I know it sounds petty, but it is still a cause for #TransMutualAid
I don't like doing this, but it may need to be done. My E supply is running low (7 doses left) and I can't locate another source of E locally that can last until I get my Medicaid letter in the mail. So it is #TransMutualAid time for money to afford a #transwoman her estrogen.
I'm working on getting a job and have had plenty of interviews, but just haven't gotten hired yet.
It has come to my attention that a major anti-trans bill is being discussed in my home-state of #Indiana . I want anyone who can protest this bill to do so.
The very fact that this bill is being talked about is having me consider moving to #Illinois at some point in the future. The only reason I am not doing so this instant is that I'm waiting for a degree of financial stability. Because if this passes, I'm likely going to have to go back to #DIYHRT until I'm able to move one state west (I'm not moving further as I wish to stay close to my supportive family).
Also, the #SpermBankSaga of mine has concluded. I know what I did wrong last time and I followed the instructions closely this time.
It is done. And if I still get rejected or have a problem there, I'm just going to say "Fuck it" and continue #transition . Bio kids would be neat, but there are other ways to have children (if I want them in 10-15 years) if bio kids just aren't in the cards.
The best thing about this Facebook group of local #transfemmes ? I probably will end up being more outgoing enough that I'll end up meeting many of them IRL.
The thought of which gives me #TransJoy like you wouldn't believe. It feels like a giant (fem)love-fest.
I'm drafting up a looooooong message to mom explaining the mechanics of the whole situation since it is a lot to remember for casual conversation and order. I've been through a lot this month.
And at the end of it, I'll be linking multiple informative trans-related essays and an excerpt of The Gender Dysphoria Bible.
The whole thing is almost done. I gave definitions of HRT, gender euphoria, and gender dysphoria. I also went a step-by-step process of the two-pronged method I used to obtain #HRT . I also told of why I used the Venmo + PayPal thing to begin with and gave insight into just how well-prepared I was in this.
I also ask "Would any cis person go to this level of preparation on order to change their gender?" Then answer is no.
I'll have 2 dates I consider my "transiversary." The 1st is the sudden egg crack (7/11/2023) when I slipped on a dress for the first time. The 2nd is when I take my first #HRT pill. If all goes well with the shipment (ie, doesn't get stuck in customs), I will begin my #transition in 7 days.
This is the next step. I've socially transitioned, am out and loved by my family & friends, have felt the sheer #gendereuphoria of being able to freely love your friends platonically as a woman, untangled myself out of the web of both cisgenderism and attraction to men (which was weak even when I was "cis het"), started gently nudging my aging mother away from the #deadname she still sometimes uses out of a 28-year-habit, and see the beauty of transitioning more and more each day.
As of yesterday, I can say that being #trans is the best thing that has happened to me.
God, I'm feeling like such a loving person right now. Like I have all the pent-up love from never having had a serious relationship and given the opportunity to love someone as myself.
I just want to sweep another #transfem off their feet and ask her to be my girlfriend. Casual about it--it doesn't have to be stressful and I can accept rejection. So long as I can love somebody as myself.
Telling friends "I love you" is so freeing. Especiall growing up thinking you're "cishet." It's such a departure. It feels so good to let softness shine through. It's great to be able to compliment and interact more wholesomely now without being seen as a creep.
There's a freedom in not aligning with the cishet boundaries that I love being in. Like whether it's romantic, seuxal, or platonic love, it is understood.
Welp, I was just about to have my first #transbian hookup (it felt right and we had the right rappport as we were both cuddly and horny). Then we talked it out and discovered neither of us have a car and live on opposite ends of town. Thankfully, we both laughed it off and remain friendly.
Useless #Lesbian moment Number 1. Certainly won't be the last.
Give me soft skin. Give me girlsmell. Give me feminine curves. Give me the removal of dysphoria-addled brain fog. Give me slowed and/or remove body hair growth. Give me my cleared up arms to put an end to my arm acne that's plagued me for over a decade. Give me BOOBS.
Give me the feminine form that I yearn to have. I want my body to feel like it is mine and not that of a male doppelganger who hijacked it.
The #transition will start and #HRT will be allowed to do its magic. I am fully willing to keep a daily photo timeline of how my body will change. Hell, I'm also willing to photograph the pace of my breast development. Unsure if I'll post the NSFW stuff here, but I'll surely CW it if I do.
I normally don't like doing this at all, but when I made the payment for the #DIYHRT shipment, my bank account comes up short and there's not enough money to pay my insurance this month. Insurance that I will need for appointments and paying for #HRT the legit way in the future.
So below is my venmo account for anyone who wants to donate to help me fund my insurance payments for this month. I was originally thinking "This isn't as severe as helping trans women move to a less-hostile environment," but then I realized that that was impostor syndrome talking. And that if you need help, you need help.
To anyone that will say "Get a job," I'm working on it via talking with job coaches. The process is slow, but steady. Hopefully, I will not have to do this again.
Mom is being a paranoid fuck right now and completely ignorant of what is required for #trans care. I should've known better than to put the Venmo account for the donations because mom pays $200 a month in the insurance--and she can see what gets donated on that page.
She now thinks I'm selling my ADHD meds for money for a sex change operation.
I'm going to have to do a long talk to her to explain this whole mess. And talk to her about the concepts of HRT, #TransMutualAid , the international pharmacy, and everything she doesn't know.
Then mom has the audacity to say "It's time to learn to move the fuck out. You have got your priorities screwed up. You need to focus on getting a job first. You think they're going to hire you wearing THAT? pointing at my dress "
I got a long talk ahead that could've been saved had I not put the Venmo link.