@dan_the_architect@beige.party
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dan_the_architect

@dan_the_architect@beige.party

3rd Place All-American Dad Joke Champion. Maker of hip-hop music and collector of ancient video games.

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dan_the_architect, to random
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I’m at the stand and stare at what’s ahead me part of the yard work.

adhdeanasl, to random
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Just a friendly reminder that if you use an insult that ends with “-tard,” you’re a shithead.

dan_the_architect,
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@adhdeanasl Does “Hoisted by your own petard!” count? Asking to stir controversy about historical English.

StefanThinks, to random
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Me: I stole the secret ingredients that Chobani uses, now I can make my own Greek yogurt!

My woke mom: Hey, that's cultural appropriation!

dan_the_architect,
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@StefanThinks boosting for maximum exposure

dan_the_architect, to random
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I think Miracle Whip is superior to mayonnaise.

dan_the_architect, to random
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Mastodon: it’s the ham radio of the internet!

dan_the_architect, to random
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Practicing armpit fart noises because I’ve got a hunch they’re coming back big time.

the_etrain, to random
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MIL's super power is finding a way to disparage EVs when nobody is discussing EVs.

dan_the_architect,
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@the_etrain hoping you nudged the closest person next to you and nonchalantly said “Pfft! Look at this big oil simp!”

dan_the_architect, to random
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My hobby is going to my back porch, peering into the woods and saying “Everything the light touches is our kingdom” in a deep voice.

dan_the_architect, to random
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I’m convinced the Kendrick Lamar and Drake spat is a long con for a meat industry partnership where they sell Rap Beef™.

dan_the_architect, to random
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I don’t mean to brag but I had dinner at The Outback last night.

dan_the_architect, to random
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I know you’ve been afraid to ask if it’s normal, but yes, I too randomly bust out singing the Gummi Bears theme song from the 80s.

dan_the_architect, to random
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Death by snu snu is the only way to go out with a bang.

dan_the_architect, to random
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If you vote for me in November, I will motion to make April 20th a federal holiday. Sensamilla Day, as it will be known will celebrate growth, nurturing and a bountiful harvest.

dan_the_architect, to random
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All I know is things were going okay until they stopped putting videos games on cartridges.

dan_the_architect, to random
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Today it is us who are on the dark side of the moon.

dan_the_architect, to random
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All this talk about podcasters and I hadn’t realized the race announcers from Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace had such a following.

dan_the_architect, to random
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Them: “I shit you not.”

Me: Yeah, you better not.

dan_the_architect, to random
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I am very suspicious of adults that don’t like onions, unless of course, some shallots bullied you as a kid or something.

StefanThinks, to random
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For the last eight years, news sites have constantly written stories about how legal experts say that Trump’s jig is up and the whole article is about a Laurence Tribe tweet.

dan_the_architect,
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@StefanThinks he really means it this time!

dan_the_architect, to random
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BREAKING: Jack Smith files challenge to Judge Cannon for a hot dog eating contest. Winner gets to pick the trial date. 👀

dan_the_architect, to random
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You’re not a real James Bond villain unless your petting a cat while unveiling your secret plans.

dan_the_architect, to random
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I’m trying to live in this emotional high of accomplishment from unloading and loading the dishwasher.

the_etrain, to random
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Not now, honey. Daddy is entertaining strangers on the internet for free.

dan_the_architect,
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@the_etrain Priorities!

dan_the_architect, to random
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The internet for two days: I happen to be an expert on cargo ships crashing into truss bridges, let me tell you why everything you just said is wrong…

dan_the_architect, to random
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Who will police the content police?

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