monkeyborg

monkeyborg, 1 year ago to random

When I was about 17 I had a bad reaction to a shot at the doctorʼs office. My blood pressure dropped suddenly on the way to the checkout window and I fainted.

I couldnʼt have been out for more than a fraction of a second, because I had gotten out two $20 bills to pay my copay, and the first thing I saw when I came to was one of them still fluttering down to the ground.

But it felt like an eternity. …

monkeyborg, 1 year ago to random

Fuck you, I won’t shake my body, baby, do the conga — Rage Against the Miami Sound Machine

monkeyborg, 1 year ago to random

If only someone for whomst I was one of their many dudes would drop some knowledge on me about which day of the week it presently is, as if the exposition were being provided by a suitably anthropomorphized amphibious friend

beaveinflow, 1 year ago to random

Is it really too much to ask to have a dedicated driving lane from my house to the Tim Hortons drive thru?

monkeyborg, 1 year ago to random

My office needs stands to distribute our magazine around campus. Hmmm, I think, this might be an opportunity to get myself back into the maker lab. Searches thingiverse for magazine stand: Goddammit, I hate this timeline

https://www.thingiverse.com/search?q=magazine+stand&page=1&type=things&sort=relevant

monkeyborg, 1 year ago to random

Me: The big flaw with The Terminator is that John Connorʼs existence is a bootstrap paradox, which ought not to be possible in stories with a “branching timelines” mechanic. If sending Kyle Reese to the past created a new timeline, then the original timeline he was sent from would not have had a John Connor.

Guy: I knew there was something bugging me about that whole conceit.

Me: Arenʼt you supposed to say, “Iʼm sorry, sir, this is a Wendyʼs?”

Guy: They donʼt pay me enough to give a shit.

monkeyborg, 1 year ago to random

My son tricked me into saying “under where?” and I am proud

So damn proud

monkeyborg, 1 year ago to random

Do you think, when they do that thing where they smuggle drugs by wrapping them in a condom and swallowing them, the person on the receiving end is ever like, no thank you, can I have some regular drugs please, I like the non-pooped-out ones

monkeyborg, 1 year ago to random

Turns out Under Armour® is basically useless against an edged weapon of any heft

monkeyborg, 1 year ago to random

So one of the weird effects of my seasonal depression cycle is that this is the time of year when I get a sudden burst of energy and DO ALL THE THINGS, which means that all of the things I have signed up for in the past that renew annually all come due about this time of year. So I want to DO ALL THE THINGS but have NONE OF THE MONEY 😄 😩

monkeyborg, 1 year ago to random

Inspector Gadget is a cyborg, not only in the popular sense, but also in Haraway’s sense, because “Inspector Gadget” — the entity that solves crimes and thwarts Dr. Claw — is a collective made up of a semi-mechanical man, a girl, a computer book, and a dog.

monkeyborg, 1 year ago to random

I write thong songs that make the whole world sing
I write thong songs of love and special things
I write thong songs that make the young girls cry
I write thong songs, I write thong songs

monkeyborg, 1 year ago to random

All the other kids
With the Ballpark Franks
Better plump, better plump
Faster when you cook ʼem

monkeyborg, 1 year ago to random

Frank Herb Alpertʼs

D U N E

and Other Delights

monkeyborg, 1 year ago to random

I wonder if Yahoo could be convinced to part with altavista.com.

It would be poetic if somebody bought it and used it to launch a search engine that doesnʼt suck

tante, 1 year ago to random

Kinda tired of the whole "I made a lot of money building the Torment Nexus but now I quit and am warning you about the Torment Nexus (buy my book)" redemption arch for tech people we seem to have settled on.

monkeyborg, 1 year ago to random

How the HELL did a company called “Tuesday Morning” stay in business for almost 50 years? And were the names “Working on Saturday” and “First Day Back From Vacation” already taken?

monkeyborg, 1 year ago to random

JFC just give the writers whatever they want. Doesnʼt anyone remember how bad TV got the last time they went on strike?

monkeyborg, 1 year ago to random

My mortal husk wants a coffee

film_girl, 1 year ago to random

I agree with this fwiw. I think there is a place for both and I’m not leaving Mastodon. But it is objectively true that Bluesky is fun and Mastodon is much less so. Earnestness has a place but lots of us are online to have fun. https://www.wired.com/story/bluesky-is-fun/

monkeyborg, 1 year ago to random

Pulling myself, one hand over the other, through the day

monkeyborg, 1 year ago to random

If you ever find yourself in a sticky situation, remember the acronym SCOOT:

SCoot da fuq up
Out
Of
There

You’ll be glad you did!

monkeyborg, 1 year ago to random

I;m eaten
thos beans
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
thinking
about

Forgive me
they were delicious
Slow-simmered
And now with less sodium