monkeyborg

monkeyborg, 2 months ago to random

If aliens invaded irl how many news cycles you think we would get out of that before it got boring

monkeyborg, 2 months ago to random

“Clean” water? What a bunch of liberal nonsense. You donʼt clean water, you clean with water. It cleans itself. Duh.

They just want to punish hard-working mom-and-pop perfluorinated methyl shops for being successful.

monkeyborg, 2 months ago to random

The thing about it is, even if your enemy does have a super double-secret military base in a civilian hospital, that’s too bad for you, but it doesn’t give you license to bomb a fucking hospital. This should not have to be explained to you.

monkeyborg, 2 months ago to random

I would argue the folks holding signs at intersections are doing real work: caring for themselves, providing people an opportunity to purchase feelings of charitability and generosity (products with real economic value), and putting money back into the local consumer economy. They’re at least as useful as anyone working in the finance industry, probably more.

monkeyborg, 2 months ago to random

The 70s lasted until 1983, the 80s lasted until 1991, but the 90s only lasted until the end of 1998.

monkeyborg, 2 months ago to random

I came here to kick ass and chew bubblegum and I’m... oh, wait, nevermind, here’s some

monkeyborg, 2 months ago to random

Imagine if the alchemists had succeeded in their goal of transmuting lead into gold.

They could have kept the process secret and enriched themselves amd their patrons beyond their wildest dreams.

Or they could have released the knowledge to the world, turning gold plentiful, undermining the existing basis of accumulated wealth and providing the people with an inexpensive material whose unique properties make it ideal for any number of practical uses.

Which kind of alchemist would you be?

monkeyborg, 2 months ago to random

Four walls make it a house, the lingering bouquet of dog turds on the puppy training pads makes it a home

monkeyborg, 2 months ago to random

Using AI “deepfake” technology to replace Austin Butler in Dune with Sting. And then replacing everyone else with Sting

monkeyborg, 2 months ago to random

Dear Hoomane Society,

It is with some regret that I must return this hooman. He is not a good fit. I am only allowed outside four times a day, and during these excursions I am prohibited from rolling in dead things, eating other dogsʼ poop (or most other things I find on the ground), or running to every potential hooman or pupper friend we encounter.

He has a good heart, and I think he might find his forever home with a pupper who has more time and patience to train him.

Signed, Buddy (Dog)

qurlyjoe, 2 months ago to random

I feel like we're living in the only universe where MTG is not a waitress at Waffle House.

monkeyborg, 2 months ago to random

I'll take some more of these motherfucking leaves on these motherfucking trees

monkeyborg, 2 months ago to random

Ok, ok, fine. Iʼll buy Ticktock.

gets out wallet

…Will $100 be enough? Whatʼs an internet web site going for these days?

licks finger and starts counting bills

Can I pay in U.S. dollars or do I need to go pick up some yuan? Oooh wait theyʼre internet guys. Maybe they'll want the bit coin.

monkeyborg, 2 months ago to random

Itʼs rough out here, yʼall. Grocery stores have gone from BOGO to BOGTFO. Iʼll be here all week.

monkeyborg, 2 months ago to random

Can’t believe they banned the TikToks when the real problem has always been the Pokemans

monkeyborg, 2 months ago to random

WYSIWYG was a mistake

monkeyborg, 2 months ago to random

Why is Titleist spelled like that? The word is actually spelled… oh

monkeyborg, 2 months ago to random

So Roku makes you agree to new terms of service waiving your right to sue the company in order to keep using the hardware you paid for, then three days later reveals a data breach.

I guess weʼve given up pretending that capitalism is anything more than open war of all against all at this point?

monkeyborg, 2 months ago to random

Earlier today I used “your” when I meant “you’re” in a toot, and I would like to apologize to all the people I let down

monkeyborg, 2 months ago to random

I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly

My body’s too beer gut-licious for you babe

monkeyborg, 2 months ago to random

It is cold as actual butt in my office today. Just so yʼall know. Just so youʼre aware.

monkeyborg, 2 months ago to random

What happens to the reflection of a reflection, when it is projected back onto the original?

monkeyborg, 2 months ago to random

I don’t hike, I walk in the woods.

“Hiking” is an activity for straight couples where both people are named Riley and they wear matching $1000 Patagonia outfits and say “hup, hup” as they go.

Walking in the woods is a gentlemanly pursuit, a thinking man’s pursuit. I walk, and I think. What do I think about?

teeheehee bewbs

monkeyborg, 2 months ago to random

Thereʼs an intersection near my house with 3 playgrounds within a quarter mile. One is in a public park; the other two are fenced off in church backyards and sit empty 90% of the time.

Imagine if the churches had donated to the city to build one big public playground for the ages. All the kids would benefit. The church folks would have opportunities to build bridges to people in the community.

Our privatization mindset is making us all poorer.