monkeyborg

monkeyborg, 1 month ago to random

Yo, yo, your mama routinely fail to follow best practices. Bitch so old her policy guidance document in Times New Roman

monkeyborg, 1 month ago to random

Sriracha is just ketchup made with chilis instead of tomatoes. Deal with it

monkeyborg, 1 month ago to random

A few times a day a sound like the rattling of industrial machinery rings out in my neighborhood.

Itʼs just our local woodpecker, trying to drill into one of the metal chimney pipes again.

Iʼd feel sorry for the poor thing, but it never seems to get any wiser.

monkeyborg, 1 month ago to random

All of the “gif is pronounced like jif” people suddenly have nothing to say when the .gz files come out

monkeyborg, 1 month ago to random

I think I may try being ignorant for a while. I hear it is bliss, and there are demonstrably zero negative consequences for it.

But seriously, the places I have always gotten my information have all gone to shit, so until I come up with better sources it might be better to tune it all out rather than let it make me stupider.

monkeyborg, 1 month ago to random

I donʼt understand why people have to take a presidential election and inject a bunch of politics into it. Iʼm just here for the rallies and the truck decals, man.

monkeyborg, 1 month ago to random

Don't know who needs to hear this but Gremlins 2 is streaming on Tubi

monkeyborg, 1 month ago to random

If you put your little activist bumper sticker on your car and then drive like a dick, you may inadvertently turn people away from your cause. That’s how I became pro-child leukemia.

monkeyborg, 1 month ago to random

• walking outside
• spot a wasp
• think nothing of it
• a minute passes
• go to brush back a piece of hair that’s tickling your ear
• remember that the sides of your head are shaved

😵‍💫

monkeyborg, 1 month ago to random

Et tu, Brute? Then pizza, pizza

monkeyborg, 1 month ago to random

Dear Local I-talian Pizza Place Joint,

Why you got to make me select all the squares with bicycles when I am trying to do you a commerce

monkeyborg, 1 month ago to random

YOU GUYS. This morning I was heading for a parking space in the deck at work when some neckless kid in a red Dodge Ram 1500 comes flying around the corner and brakes hard to avoid hitting my little car. I refuse to budge, so he does a 😤 and backs up melodramatically to wait while I park.

AND. 8 hours later I am pulling out of the space when the same kid in the same truck appears again, and he now must wait for me to finish pulling out so he can follow me out of the deck.

Life can be delicious.

monkeyborg, 1 month ago to random

Does anyone know if there is a resource that maps underground spaces in the U.S.? Iʼm thinking drain and sewer pipes, transit tunnels, and so on.

Please boost for reach!

flexghost, 1 month ago to random

Darth Brandon

monkeyborg, 1 month ago to random

I don’t know what an alpha male is. But apparently there are these guys with a lot of social media clout who tell young men what to eat, what to like, what political opinions are best, how hard they should work, and who they should fuck (and when).

If you break any of their rules, you’re a soyboy cuck.

But! If you do absolutely everything these other, more socially dominant men tell you to do, that makes you an alpha male.

monkeyborg, 1 month ago to random

Computers still only do exactly what they’re told. The only thing that’s changed is who they’re working for.

monkeyborg, 1 month ago to random

This is the shit-eating grin of a puppy dog who has cooled himself off by plopping his undercarriage down in a muddy stream near our house.

We covered a new patch of woods today and found the motherlode of muscadine vines, at least an acre newly putting forth leaves.

Might we finally get some grapes this fall? I see a fair amount of muscadine vines around here but very little fruit.

monkeyborg, 1 month ago to random

English has no good word for the state of not being hungry. “Fullness” is not specific. “Satiation” is uncommon. Both words describe having just completed a meal to satisfaction, a very particular example of not-hunger.

Thus when Minecraft added food as a game mechanic, the indicator came to be known as the “hunger bar” even while it measured the inverse, leading players to say things like “my hunger is low” when their character was very hungry.

Might we be witnessing the birth of a contronym?

monkeyborg, 1 month ago to random

Y'all I appreciate lack of infrastructure investment is a problem and something we should talk more about, but this ain’t that. Shit got hit by a motherfucking boat

ned, 1 month ago (edited 1 month ago) to random

"I think rich people who don't agree [with taxing the rich] just don't want to grind, and would prefer to play life on easy mode. Skill issue tbh." - Sydney Sweeney

EDIT: Not a true quote, see https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/sydney-sweeney-reveals

#TaxTheRich

monkeyborg, 1 month ago to random

If aliens invaded irl how many news cycles you think we would get out of that before it got boring

monkeyborg, 2 months ago to random

“Clean” water? What a bunch of liberal nonsense. You donʼt clean water, you clean with water. It cleans itself. Duh.

They just want to punish hard-working mom-and-pop perfluorinated methyl shops for being successful.

monkeyborg, 2 months ago to random

The thing about it is, even if your enemy does have a super double-secret military base in a civilian hospital, that’s too bad for you, but it doesn’t give you license to bomb a fucking hospital. This should not have to be explained to you.

monkeyborg, 2 months ago to random

I would argue the folks holding signs at intersections are doing real work: caring for themselves, providing people an opportunity to purchase feelings of charitability and generosity (products with real economic value), and putting money back into the local consumer economy. They’re at least as useful as anyone working in the finance industry, probably more.