@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

pathfinder

@pathfinder@beige.party

58 years old, ish (Yes, I'm sticking with this lie, because it still remains my only chance for immortality) Autistic and British. Into philosophy and spiritualism and pretty much anything that might explain the meaning of life, up to and including that it might really be 42.
Male, he/him

#ActuallyAutistic
#Autism
#Neurodiversity

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aaronesilvers, to actuallyautistic
@aaronesilvers@jawns.club avatar

Thank the Maker for the tools to know when someone’s shit is not my shit and recognizing clear exit signs. @actuallyautistic

pathfinder,
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@aaronesilvers @actuallyautistic
Took me a long time to learn this, but it is a beyond valuable skill.

pathfinder,
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@Susan60 @aaronesilvers @actuallyautistic
I would suggest that most of the time, people have to sort their own shit out. All we can actually do, is to occasionally nudge them in the right direction or be there for them, whilst they work it out.

pathfinder,
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@Susan60 @aaronesilvers @actuallyautistic
That it does.

farah, to Autism
@farah@beige.party avatar

I’ve been reading about “stimming in autism”, which up until now was very confusing to me mostly because that’s the one point kept being repeated in the community being a must for an autistic individual. And I can’t relate to that at all.

Then I came across something that describes the purpose of ‘stimming’ is to deal with extra energy. Then it kinda hit me, I’ve never had the need to stim because I’m a low energy person in general.

I get overwhelmed with activities when they involve raising heart rates (yes, THAT too). I like quiet things, dead of night etc. Once at a time in my life, I was pretty sure I could hear flow of electricity.

So my question to the community: do you think stimming is a must for autistic people? Do you relate to it? Anyone know of any low energy stimming that gets overlooked?

Thanks! Much love!! 💕 @actuallyautistic

pathfinder,
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@farah @actuallyautistic
I don't believe it is a must. But equally it can be hard to spot them in yourself. Most of us were trained to not fidget and to keep still. Also we fear standing out.
So we've often developed quite subtle stims. Little comfort habits that you may not even realise you're doing.

ashleyspencer, to random
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

I updated my store's About Us page to be more inclusive of the neurodiverse communities.

My store was created and curated for autistic adults, but my customers come from all backgrounds, so I updated the about us page to reflect that. ❤️

https://shop.autisticinnovator.com/pages/about-us

pathfinder,
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@ashleyspencer
It takes a while for some of us, but progress is always good 😀 :bear_hugs:

LehtoriTuomo, to actuallyautistic
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

"It might not feel like it's an active step toward self-acceptance or authenticity, but coming to understand yourself as disabled is a pretty dramatic reframing of your life."

  • Devon Price in Unmasking Autism

This sentence hits me hard. Haven't thought it using that wording. My internalized ableism screams. "I'm not disabled!" But I am. I need to digest this.

@actuallyautistic

pathfinder,
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic
It took me a while to get my head round this. In part, it was not wanting to claim something that I didn't deserve. That, as much as anything, came from finding out about this in my fifties. I had spent a long time not thinking about myself this way. It was probably also a more than an unhealthy dose of internalised ableism.
I think, it's important to differentiate between autism and yourself being autistic. Autism is a disability, according to the medical and social models of disability. Also, being autistic for many is disabling. So to deny that autism is a disability, is to deny them.
How you view yourself, whether in terms of being different, or disabled, really is your choice. Not denying that autism is a disability, doesn't mean that you have to see yourself as disabled by it.

DivergentDumpsterPhoenix, to actuallyautistic
@DivergentDumpsterPhoenix@disabled.social avatar

The following is a survey asking for the language preferences of Autistic and non-Autistic people regarding autism.

It is open to Autistic and non-Autistic people for the benefit of comparison.

I will also be using the preference results of Autistic people on the "neurodiversity: the basics" page of my website.

Please do fill this out and RT it, I would like to get at least 1000 responses.

Survey-
https://forms.gle/LM9gi4urTt15wkqn9

@neurodiversity @actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy

pathfinder,
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@jess @DivergentDumpsterPhoenix @neurodiversity @actuallyautistic @autisticadvocacy
Agreed!

PixysJourney, to actuallyautistic
@PixysJourney@beige.party avatar

Question to fellow folks... :confusedparrot:

For what sort of toots could I use hashtags like or the previous two I just used?

I Toot quite a bit about me and my quirky way life. But I never really know if I "should" add any ND hashtags as the "silly" things I Toot about are quite normal to me. If that makes sense 🤔...

I'm proud enough, these days, of who I am. But I wonder if and when it would be good to add some of these tags... Maybe it could help connect with other peeps like me 😇.

Fankoos 🫶🏻 for your help! 🌸

@actuallyautistic

:boosts_ok_gay:

pathfinder,
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@PixysJourney @actuallyautistic
In one sense, at least, the very normality of our existence as ND folk is what we should be posting under these tags. It allows others to see themselves. It reminds us that we not alone and that the way we think and live, isn't as strange and perhaps as different as we might otherwise think. In that sense, no matter what we are posting comes under these tags.
Otherwise, you could save the tags for those questions, or insights we all have. With the things that you want to specifically share with the community.

pathfinder,
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@PixysJourney @actuallyautistic
Worrying about stupid things and doing things wrong, is the very definition of our existence. Also, wanting to know the rules. Although, in this case, as in so much of life, there are no rules really, beyond "the tag belongs to those who fall under it." I'm not saying that there will not be those who want to stipulate what should and shouldn't fall under the tags, but really that just falls under a universal rule, there's always one. 😀
Reality. We're the ones making the rules here. We no longer need permission, or to struggle to fit in. It's our tag, no one else's. Use it as you will. 😀

pathfinder,
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@jacquiharper @PixysJourney @actuallyautistic
😋

ashleyspencer, to random
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

My fish aquarium is complete!

Time to add water and start cycling the tank!

Lucky little Betta fish will get a big pretty 20 gallon home.

And 6 different kinds of food to choose from with shrimp, fish, insects, and bloodworms.

Shall be a very spoiled betta living a lavish lifestyle lol

pathfinder,
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@ashleyspencer
Definitely, you should get a decent set of steps. Some of us are far too wobbly to rely on stools. 😆

pathfinder,
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@dyani @ashleyspencer
But, it's so high 😂

ashleyspencer, to random
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

Finally got my ADHD meds!

Walked in the grocery store and instantly

✨ meltdown ✨

Zero cashiers. Only self-checkout. My hands are shaking a lot from the heat and struggled to bag my small amount of groceries. Kept dropping everything.

Going in grocery stores: zero stars, do not recommend 👎

pathfinder,
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@ashleyspencer
At least you got your meds, so that must be a relief.

ashleyspencer, to random
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

I got so mad at all these cold emails and 4 to 6 cold calls every day Monday through Friday. Yesterday I basically told them all to F off and stop emailing me. Today my phone has only rang once.

pathfinder,
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@ashleyspencer
This is why I rarely hand out my email address and have stopped answering my landline completely. I just let it go to answer machine, so at least it costs them the price of a phone call. 😀

pathfinder, to Autism
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@actuallyautistic

Burnout is a bitch. I think all of us who have experienced it, or are experiencing it, will agree with that. But, how it presents and how long it maintains its hold over us, seems to be as variable as so much else about us.

I can now recognise the many times I have experienced burnout in my life. Each one marked by my constant refrain of, "I'm just tired" and with me doggedly plodding on with my life as best I could. Even now, in the deepest and longest burnout of my life, I am still doing the same.

Of course, I at least know to try and pace myself now. To let the unimportant things slide until their time comes and to spread out what has to be done, to the best of my ability. I know to dedicate time to self-care, to rest and recreation and to acknowledging my needs as an autistic person. This much, realising you are autistic can teach you. It can also help you to spot the signs of burning out sooner and hopefully mitigate its effects that way.

When that's possible, of course. For what caused my current burnout was unfortunately a series of overlapping events that I could not avoid, or do anything about. It was almost as if life chose to keep throwing things at me, each more intense and impossible to avoid, until I broke. But then life can be like that sometimes.

Autistic burnout is, of course, different from normal burnout, in what causes it and how it presents. It is, more often than not, a breakdown of our ability to cope with the demands being placed on us and not with how much we can carry. We are used to carrying insane loads and with having to work so much harder than most other people, just to keep putting one foot in front of the other through life. In fact, I know that I never really rest, not even now. My life is one long and continuous assessment and checking on whether the routines I have in place are being maintained. Whether I have done everything, on what needs to be done and finding new ways to blames myself for why it hasn't been done yet. There is no such thing as not working as far as my brain is concerned. And because I never stop, I don't know how to stop. How to heed the signals of tiredness and exhaustion and how to not knuckle down and continue anyway. It has been the story of my life. In work and everywhere else, always push, push, push.

And perhaps this is why autistic burnout is so common and possibly even inevitable. The sheer effort that life already is. The constant raggedy edge we walk just to get through a day and how in doing this day after day, all we end up doing is teaching ourselves to ignore the warning signs and that our needs are even important. And end up learning instead, that all that really matters is the next plodding step, no matter the load we are already carrying.


pathfinder,
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@Susan60 @actuallyautistic
I'm into my second year. Although, I think it was brewing for quite some time, before reaching the point where even I couldn't ignore it.

pathfinder,
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@seanwithwords @actuallyautistic
Yes definitely. Virtually everything I struggle with as an autistic, became so much more. Sound sensitivity through the roof, PDA, trauma triggers, executive functioning. It is so much more than just exhaustion and requires a level of self-care and awareness that quite frankly isn't exactly second nature to most of us.

pathfinder,
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@EVDHmn @actuallyautistic
I think that sometimes we forget that we are capable of the amazing, for far longer than we would imagine. But there's always a price.

pathfinder,
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@EVDHmn @actuallyautistic
And then some. 😔

pathfinder,
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@Tim_McTuffty @actuallyautistic
Thank you. 😊
I'm also beginning to suspect that adhd maybe in my mix too. It certainly explains certain things about how I've functioned over the years.
One of the things we learn from each other, is the price we pay for intensity and effort. Sometimes in burnout, sometimes in the ways it takes us time to recover, which always seems longer than the effort seems to justify.
After the stress of your ASD eval and disappointment with the doctor and other health worries, it's no wonder you're feeling down now and also more susceptible to the bugs and beasties going around.
Learning just how much time we may need to process and recover from things is an ongoing project for most of us. The main thing though, is that none of it is our fault. So, more than a little grace and kindness for yourself never hurts.
:bear_hugs:

pathfinder,
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@CuriousMagpie @actuallyautistic
Very much so 😊

pathfinder,
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@Susan60 @actuallyautistic
Indeed it does. It also helps to learn from others that this was never about me, either in terms of blame or weakness, but simple what can happen. 😊

ashleyspencer, to actuallyautistic
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

Autistic burnout + untreated ADHD =

impulse control issues + inability to force yourself to do anything + drained by no ability to function

Lots of walking pass a mess unable to make yourself clean it, then blame yourself for it.

Distracted, can't focus enough to do fun things and/or take care of yourself.

Forgetting everything. So burned out you can't remember important things + made worse by ADHD.

1/3

@actuallyautistic

pathfinder,
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@ashleyspencer @actuallyautistic
Unfortunately, feel the same way every day. All we can do is to try and keep on top of the basics and be patient. Some days are better than others and progress overall is sometimes seen, especially if I compare myself to the state I was in a year ago. It may not always feel enough, but slow progress is better than no progress.
:bear_hugs:

Sci_Fi_FanGirl, to actuallyautistic German
@Sci_Fi_FanGirl@hessen.social avatar

Too many upcoming social events. Although most of it is rather positive, I already feel overwhelmed.

I fear not being able to accomplish everything I feel I need to do.

There will be huge gatherings and I dread sensory overload and meltdown.

I don't know when/how to clean the house the day (before) some friends are coming over.

I feel I haven't worked enough this weekend and don't know how to complete everything work-related on time.

Please: no advice, just sympathy.

@actuallyautistic

pathfinder,
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@Sci_Fi_FanGirl @actuallyautistic
:bear_hugs:

ashleyspencer, to random
@ashleyspencer@autistics.life avatar

ADHD hyperfocus + Autism special interest mode

= spend all morning watching videos about everything in betta care

How to change water, reasons they die, how long their lifespan is (it’s a really long time!), aquarium cycling, water testing and conditioning

I will be prepared! 😄

pathfinder,
@pathfinder@beige.party avatar

@ashleyspencer
I hope it included stuff on how to prevent your cat from learning how to open the aquarium, up to and including how to spot when they maybe learning how to pick locks. 😂

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