pathfinder

ashleyspencer, 11 days ago to random

ADHD hyperfocus + Autism special interest mode

= spend all morning watching videos about everything in betta care

How to change water, reasons they die, how long their lifespan is (it’s a really long time!), aquarium cycling, water testing and conditioning

I will be prepared! 😄

arcana, 13 days ago to actuallyautistic

#ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic

it sucks having an unpopular opinion on the internet because i just assume everyone would hate me if they know

unpopular as in, if there's some kind of controversial topic with two sides, my opinion would draw ire from each of those sides

this is a common thing for me to experience because i'm autistic and i think about things differently than most other people, including other autists (we're obviously not a monolith!)

i think this is a very social-media problem, even on fedi where controversial content isn't pushed by an algorithm, because i think clout-chasing and virtue-signaling still influence overall community attitudes. unfortunately, due to various factors, social-media is one of the few options available for me to socialize at all right now

it gets very, very lonely to see people i might otherwise want to get to know clearly indicating that i need to mask up and pretend to agree, otherwise they'll bite my head off

at first it feels like it's not worth sharing those opinions and risking the drama-- and then it feels like it's not worth getting to know people in the first place

btaroli, 13 days ago to ADHD

Today. Was. Just. Too. Much.

Endless work meetings. Slack. Interruptions. HOA Committee Texts. School meetings. School district meetings. Music lesson.

At some point at about 3pm I just had enough. And when this happens I tend to leave chats. Cancel or ignore messages or meetings.

I have to for my sanity. I have learned that if I push on I truly burn out and am not useful for anyone.

Why does our society encourage this???

#ActuallyAutistic #ADHD #AuDHD @actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer, 13 days ago to random

My new ADHD med dose went into prior authorization with my health insurance.

I was told this can take anywhere from 24 hours to 2 weeks and still be denied.

I think they are fighting it because the copay covers 2 pills a day, but he prescribed 4 pills a day to get me to 100mg a day.

If I use GoodRx, I can get a month's supply for less than my insurance copay, and get it tomorrow.

UGH at US health insurance.

ashleyspencer, 15 days ago (edited 15 days ago) to random

Google said Strattera goes up to 100mg but it was wrong. Psych said it goes up to 200mg.

Apparently I can also take a low dose stimulant together with Strattera.

I've been diagnosed 2x with ADHD, but he has to do an assessment and legally can't take my word for it, so totally understandable.

Raising Strattera to 100mg a day from 80mg and in 1.5 months if it isn't helping, we will do an ADHD assessment and he will prescribe me low dose stimulants + strattera.

Solutions! Yay!

Susan60, 15 days ago to actuallyautistic

I nearly didn’t listen to this episode, because I’ve never had an eating disorder, but it’s almost more about identity & addiction & autonomy than eating disorders, and is fascinating as a result.
@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic

https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/divergent-conversations/id1662009631?i=1000655158496

pathfinder, 15 days ago to Autism

@actuallyautistic

I've just finished watching the first series of "A kind of spark" on BBC iPlayer. Although, this is not about this excellent show. Rather, it's about the struggle I had with watching it and why it took me two attempts to get through it.

The fact is, that found it quite triggering. Now I know it's about, and probably made for, teenagers and the struggles they go through at school and especially being autistic and at school. And even though school was a very long time ago for me and in another age of man. I still couldn't help comparing it to my own experiences and not just in school, but throughout my life, and how much similarity I could see. Not, in the details, obviously, but in the way I would constantly run afoul of people, or somehow be on their wrong side of someone, even before we'd properly met. The sheer pettiness of some of it and the hurt it so often caused me, as much by my not understanding it, as by the unfairness of it. Of how many toes I'd stood on, without meaning to, or even knowing I'd done it and how much of my life I'd actually spent bewildered and upset by the situations I would find myself in and the actions I couldn't understand of the people around me.

Of course, no-one, least of all myself, knew that I was autistic back then, because that would probably have made it much worse. But knowing I am autistic now, at least gives me an understanding of why some people might have reacted this way. How, in some ways, at least, I've never really behaved in the ways that others might find appropriate, to their position, or status, or sense of worth. How socially blundering my way through life, of necessity, includes many toes I could step on and people who could be offended.

But, of course, understanding this now, doesn't really ease the memories. Neither of the pain I did cause, without meaning to, or the pain I received. It doesn't make the life I've had easier, only easier to understand.

And that, in a sense, is what this show made me have to face. That no matter how privileged my life has been. How much easier I've had it, compared to so, so, many others. It's never been easy. There have only been moments, brief and sometimes, admittedly, not so brief periods where my life seemed to make sense and I felt, if not entirely in control, at least in somewhat of a comfort zone. That I was OK and that I could just get on with doing things my way and just being myself. Not without cost, of course, normally in hard, unremitting, work and effort. In often struggling with feelings of guilt and shame about how selfish I was having to be. Because, that was what carving out my own world felt like. Not necessary, or even justified, but selfish and almost petty of me.

And then, of course, there would always be something that would intrude from the outside world. As often, as not, something petty and officious that would dump me back into the turmoil and uncertainty. Because, you can never really isolate yourself from the world, as much as some of us would love to. And so much of this world really isn't made for us. It will always be hard and there will always be those who delight in making it harder. Those who are truly petty and selfish, in the ways that we aren't, and others who will try to use that hate to benefit themselves. It's why carving out our safe spaces will always be difficult, but also, so very necessary.

#Autism
#ActuallyAutistic

ashleyspencer, 16 days ago to random

I suspect, based on what my psychiatrist told me when he raised the strattera, the medication I take in the morning for depression blocks dopamine and serotonin receptors.

ADHD is made worse by low dopamine levels.

So I think my morning med is making the ADHD worse.

But it's either take it and stay out of chemical depression, or be depressed and struggle less with ADHD.

I have an appointment with him tomorrow and will find out more and see if anything can be done.

ashleyspencer, 16 days ago to random

Me and my little husky plush went to the store to get snacks and other stuff.

I made myself leave because I haven’t gone anywhere in a few weeks. Only open the door to put out the trash.

Brought the plushie along on my lap for moral support.

Tim_McTuffty, 16 days ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 198 , Monday 13/05/2024

Up early for some reason beyond this simple squirrels reasoning.
Tidied up after herself, did my chores & went for a walk in the warm early summer sunshine !

I cannot seem to find the impetus to get stuff done, I work best to a deadline & the only person pushing me at the moment is me, which would be fine but I have minimal motivation levels at the moment.

I’m wondering from day to day like a leaf blowing in the breeze, no direction, no purpose.
At least the days are warm now & a lot sunnier, saving energy is easier , my lone mission to drag our energy bills down is less onerous in the summer.

Final Thoughts.

I suspect that I am going through a depressive episode, I hope I come through to the other side soon.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

LehtoriTuomo, 17 days ago to actuallyautistic

Sitting in the bus after a day at work. Feeling tired. The meeting that ended the day dragged on and I stopped even trying to follow the discussion. I haven't listened to music in a bus in ages but now I find myself thinking that maybe I should buy a set of noise-canceling headphones.

The bus is hissing loudly, there are conversations that I can't hear which somehow makes them even more annoying. On top of all I'm sitting under a loudspeaker that plays the stop signal in a very loud tone. Shit, it rang again and startled me. Why does it have to be that loud?

Fortunately I'm not too far from home but still.

#ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer, 17 days ago to random

I’m exhausted from a long hard day of doing nothing.

mariyadelano, 17 days ago to actuallyadhd

Question for fellow @actuallyautistic and @actuallyadhd neurodivergent folks:

How do you explain your ideas to neurotypicals?

I constantly struggle because my brain has made connections that are not obvious to others, and when I try to guide them through my thinking I confuse them with details or by skipping explanations that seem obvious to me but completely surprising to anyone else.

Frameworks, links, anything is appreciated!

lifewithtrees, 19 days ago to actuallyadhd

“What do you want to do 5 years from now?”

🤔

😬

🤯

I am having a difficult time visioning 5 years from now, what I want to do and then how to get there.

Some of this is due to the chaos of the last few years, but I also think it could be a challenge due to #AuDHD

Also I am 42 so midlife stuff?

That all said, how do you vision 5 years from now?

@actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic

Uair, 19 days ago to actuallyautistic

@actuallyautistic

How are you with animals?

I tend to throw off the wrong vibe for people, but get along with even the iffy animals. Dogs that don't like most people warm to me.

Just wondering how much of that is autism and how much me. My dad hates animals.

dyani, 20 days ago to actuallyautistic

Yesterday was my 1 year AuDHD anniversary!

1 year since the most life-changing realization ever. My resting heart rate dropped by ~10 points after I figured it out.

Knowing this about myself has given me so much peace & confidence. It's given me even more compassion for myself and others. I advocate for my needs now, and I have better boundaries.

Every day I marvel at how amazing we ND folks are, and how much we bring to the world.

I so appreciate this community!

@actuallyautistic

LehtoriTuomo, 21 days ago to actuallyautistic

One reason why it took me so long to self-diagnose autism is that I thought I don't stim. In fact, once I learned that I do stim, my self-diagnosis process kicked in. That was the first time I said to myself that I might actually be autistic.

The reason for this misunderstanding was that I thought stimming is stereotypical, very repetitive, compulsory movement. I guess this misunderstanding is quite common.

I've since learned that stimming, short for self-stimulatory behavior, is basically stimulating one's sensory system in certain ways. It may be a way to soothe oneself, help to focus in overwhelming situations by feeding one's brain predictable sensory input, a way to express joy, or simply something that feels nice. Movements are part of it but any sense can be used.

When googling the term, there are mentions that also neurotypicals stim but that when diagnosing autism, stimming is somehow different -- only socially unacceptable stims are "real" stims. Bah.

I've started paying attention to how and when I stim, and collect a list of stims I do. I've noticed all types of stimming behavior (soothing, focusing, joy, fun). I do it more than before -- or maybe I just notice it more often. I've noticed that I love moving my body parts, especially to music. I also love different textures.

#ActuallyAutistic #stimming @actuallyautistic

Susan60, 21 days ago to actuallyautistic

I’ve always been a “coper”, constantly trying to find ways to manage, to do what “needs” to be done etc, except for those periods when I was burnt out. I remember when feeling overwhelmed years ago, a counsellor helped me to see that it was possible to achieve everything that I needed to do over the next few days, as a single mum, students, part time worker. Which was great in the short term…

We got home from several days in Sydney yesterday. Monday & Tuesday we went out after spending the weekend with family, but kept it low key. Today I was supposed to head out for a counselling appointment, treating myself to a tram trip to a lovely neighbourhood & a cafe lunch afterwards. Instead she’s going to send me a link for an online session. And I might have a nap afterwards. I’m learning. Slowly.
@actuallyautistic

ashleyspencer, 21 days ago to ADHD

Lately the ADHD has taken over.

I’ve been unable to work, can’t clean, not getting anything done. Always too burned out to function.

But today I got the hyperfocus part of ADHD.

Mostly it’s like, I’m incapable of functioning.

I’ve gone weeks unable to function. I can drink 2 energy drinks and still barely function.

Today I woke up full of energy and in hyperfocus hyper speed work mode, so I just rolled with it. Tomorrow I could be nonfunctional again. It’s so unpredictable 🙃

#AuDHD #ADHD