son_named_bort

@son_named_bort@lemmy.world

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son_named_bort,

If Doug didn’t want to be boring then he shouldn’t have broken Mr. Dink’s grill.

son_named_bort,

And if you choke to death while eating gummy worms then people will say you had brain worms.

son_named_bort,

I’m not worried, my girlfriend is a roadrunner.

son_named_bort,

$20? But I wanted a peanut.

son_named_bort,

I think I’m blind.

son_named_bort,

Help her brother fake his own death to go to Itchy and Scratchy Land?

son_named_bort,

A pizza is an unfolded calzone or stromboli.

son_named_bort,

Young man, in this house we use a little word called “please”.

son_named_bort,

We like Roy! We like Roy!

son_named_bort,

I went on vacation with a girl like that once. It was not a nice trip.

son_named_bort,

I’ve seen teams suck before, but those were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked. Oh, gotta go, my damn weiner kids are listening.

It’s the PenPals episode where Burns gives Homer 500 bucks for his bowling team because he mistakes Homer for the Pillsbury dough boy.

son_named_bort,

I don’t know why people don’t believe this story. One time my buddy and I raced each other to a local bar and whoever lost had to buy the drinks. Anyway, I’m doing 60 in a 35 MPH zone when I see the flashing lights behind me. I pulled over and gave the cop my story, and wouldn’t you believe it the cop escorted me to jail.

son_named_bort,

Aged like Skinner’s house after aurora borealis was localized entirely within his kitchen.

son_named_bort,

No

son_named_bort,

I was skeptical of these numbers until I did the research. It’s even worse than I thought. Did you know that only 20% of students test in the top quintile? Is our children learning?

son_named_bort,

Pat McAfee was a punter, but yeah a kicker is like being a ref: if you know their name it usually means they did bad.

son_named_bort,

On a boat

son_named_bort,

No more Blockbuster

son_named_bort,

My wife bought a weight set a few years ago. I started using it during the lockdowns and have kept up with it ever since.

son_named_bort,

He did this during a commencement speech. That makes it even worse. There’s a reason why most commencement speeches stick to genetic themes like believing in yourself or doing great things or remember to give the university money or things like that, and it’s to avoid whatever this was.

son_named_bort,

Finally an excuse to use a Segway.

son_named_bort,

Why do your maps have Minnesota as a red state and West Virginia as a blue one?

son_named_bort,

He sure is, even moreso than Ned Flanders or Mother Teresa Jr. You are correct and win the points. Unfortunately, they are practice points so they don’t matter.

son_named_bort,

It’s usually a bad idea to mail cash.

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