RMiddleton

RMiddleton, 6 months ago

I needed to see it!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Tl3a1hh1hHQ

RMiddleton, 8 months ago

Since others have fully covered the Q portion of your comment I came to say that that cool saucer separation that’s so bad ass happens like 3 times max!

I get that maybe it’s “expensive” or awkward to write or something from the production standpoint that makes it underused, but seriously, is it “expensive” in-universe?! Because they spread that shit out more sparingly than me buying pine nuts!

Other show reference alert: it’s a lot like on Deep Space 9 how rarely Odo changes. If I had that fucking power I wouldn’t hold back! Let’s see, can I squeeze any more complaints in? I never understood the premise on Bewitched that Darren & Sam wouldn’t want to use her powers to make things better constantly! Ok I’m done. For now.

RMiddleton, 8 months ago

I once worked with someone who entered Google in the search bar then clicked the top result to be taken to Google.com to then type in what she was searching for.

RMiddleton, 8 months ago

I have no help to offer about her reaction to phone use but may I ask a question?

Your dog sits on the coffee table?

RMiddleton, 8 months ago

I’m still learning good communities for me so I clicked for suggestions for myself. Came to talk about different types of posts. When I saw your title I knew I’d want to read the whole discussion. Some posts are like that, and those are the ones I want to spend time on because every response contributes. Some posts are a practical question with a narrow set of answers. If it’s not a question I share, and it it already has several responses, there’s probably no point in me contributing. Some posts are open minded discussions where it’s so interesting to absorb the views that others share, and maybe join in. Some posts are fights. Those aren’t worth participating in.

I’m sure I’m leaving a lot out. And maybe others don’t make these calculations at all. I just happened to notice, as I was scrolling topics, the criteria I use for deciding whether or not to click and read.

Anyone else have these thoughts? Or disagree?

RMiddleton, 8 months ago

After writing this post I reflected a bit more on types of conversations, and made a little graphic to illustrate my transportation metaphor for the internet: Some are walking, some jogging, some biking — traveling independently at varying speeds low enough to pay attention and stop to interact. Some are traveling at high speeds loudly polluting; they interact with others by honking, crashing, or running over. It is pointless for a pedestrian to converse with the blare of a car horn.

RMiddleton, 8 months ago

I felt highly agitated when I first learned of this plan but then I got more information and I calmed down a bit. From what I’ve read if this justice is removed the governor, a Democrat, would be entitled to appoint a replacement—possibly the same removed justice. Or someone else liberal & the removed justice could run again. There’s a way the Republicans could try more fuckery by the state house impeaching and the state senate refusing to hold a trial, because the state law says that an impeached official is barred from serving until the trial results in removal or acquittal. So GOP could try to say that once impeached the justice cannot serve, but delay the trial in the senate to avoid the governor appointing a replacement. Sigh this is so long! So anyway that’s a very narrow route to guaranteeing they get the result they want & obviously it bumps up against the article excerpts above, that voters would be angered and some GOP legislators are in unsafe districts. And finally if they did do that convoluted process to sideline a justice but delay the governor being able to appoint a successor I think the governor could very well rightfully interpret the situation as a vacancy on the court and appoint anyway. Which would of course probably go to court!

Phew.

I think all factors considered the situation in Wisconsin is not completely bleak.

Now the US Supreme Court, on the other hand, is a horrific tragedy.

RMiddleton, 8 months ago

Vivaldi on laptop, Orion on iPhone — but as of last week Orion is crashing multiple times a day (after months of use without issues).

RMiddleton, 8 months ago

The white supremacist violence that took place in Jacksonville this past weekend has me doing some research.

The source of this quote is here, from another incident in Florida:
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/attempted-homicide-richard-spencer-speech-gainesville-florida_n_59ea766ae4b0958c468228ff

Does anyone have any ideas how to make improvements in the sorry state of white America? I say this as a white man. All the solutions I conceive are complicated and far fetched — like developing communities based on love and respect not money and subjugation.

RMiddleton, 8 months ago

Yes. The murderer on Saturday is said to have had a swastika drawn on his gun and a Rhodesian army patch on his clothing. As bad as Florida schools are he didn’t learn to like those things in school. He was groomed, most likely online. The conservative reactions seek to identify the fault as squarely within the individual — although not to the extent that they will support mental health screening prior to gun purchases. In other words, not to any meaningful extent. The only consequence a conservative politician supports is vitriolic tough talk for the cameras.

RMiddleton, 8 months ago

I'm attempting to reply to @Katana314 & @cubedsteaks but I really don't know what I'm doing. Katana, you say your post is too long for the format, and I totally get what you mean but want you to know how much I appreciate it. I'll use the spoons metaphor to say that sometimes I'm able, open, eager to engage in patient dialogue... and sometimes I'm not. Tonight I am and I've just written a reply that's TOO LONG for the input field! Here's Part One:

I'm white, 51, gay, artist. Whenever I gripe about "white America" it is from my biased perspective. My experience of "my culture" growing up was a homogenous monoethnic white Christian blob, centered on money/materialism and gatekeeping/judgment of others. That doesn't have to be everyone's experience of white America, but it was mine -- and my observation of cultural critiques tells me that I'm not the only one who saw things that way. I'm not self-hating now but I was deeply self-hating until I accepted myself as "unacceptable" to the standards of my upbringing. I took a different path and feel that I have found meaning by rejecting my upbringing. Other groups speak of "the ancestors" and such... I find little sustenance there since my ancestors were white supremacists. The generation above me are anti-gay, Fox-watching, Trump-voting... We have superficial relationships but not what I call love. In some ways this gulf is "my fault" because it has been my "decision" to reject my upbringing... but I suffered massive cognitive dissonance until I sort of "rebooted" as a clean slate. Sigh. I am running out of spoons as I type -- didn't mean to get so deeply personal. Uhhh, earlier someone objected to me calling out "white America"; I didn't reply because it didn't feel like an invitation to productive conversation. The best I might have come up with would have been sarcastic: "Gosh, I'd hate for any white Americans to see my post and decide to be awful people to spite me!" It's just... yeah. I knew when I wrote my initial post it was lacking nuance, because of the format. And I live in FUCKING JACKSONVILLE. [Pause for real tears.] I have been in the store where the recent murders took place. I received my Covid shots on the campus of the HBCU the white terrorist prowled before he went and killed elsewhere. When I was the killer's age I was at my lowest point mentally/emotionally. If I had had easy access to guns I might not be here today. Thankfully guns were not part of my family's culture. Few people I knew growing up in the 70s/80s were into guns. Some people went on hunting trips. Other than that no one wanted guns around in the suburbs other than bb-guns. When I was the killer's age I felt zero connection to community. I never fell into white supremacy (beyond the implicit bias I absorbed as standard). I was religious and deeply, desperately closeted. Any aggressive and negative thoughts I had were directed at the gay community. I was bitter that support groups existed for "them" and not for me. It could have been my support, but my homophobia was so strong it took me until almost 30 to accept myself as gay. My 20s were awful. My life continues to be isolated... The gay men I know are into money, superficial looks, partying, drugs, alcohol, and more money -- and I hate lazily invoking stereotypes but this is how I feel. I've known so many gay Republicans. It hurts. My own voting history was: GOP, NOTHING, GREEN, DEM, DEM, DEM, DEM... I'm a little proud I only voted GOP once, but it took me 3-4 presidential cycles for me to understand the US democracy game. That's another area where community might have helped, but I felt none.

If I had the spoons...
I have a friend who begins her fantasies with, "When I win the lottery..." Since I see the lottery as harmful money-worship I had a conversation with this friend about it. She uses the phrase to inspire freedom to dream, so I invented my own variation: When I'm fully funded! An artist (who rejects a consumerist model) can dream, can't he?!

1/2

RMiddleton, 8 months ago

2/2
When I'm fully funded I would devise a series called White People Problems. Despite the provocative title I would not presume to speak for others. Honest discourse is personal and leaves the generalizing to the audience. In this long post I have scratched the surface of what I see as "white people's problems." I believe that many white Americans are hurting, disconnected from meaning, disconnected from each other. The centrality of money and centuries of exploitation are the foundational causes. Racial division is a secondary result and useful tool to maintain society based on materialism and exploitation. On Being is my favorite podcast. I think it may have been an episode with Isabel Wilkerson (Caste https://www.isabelwilkerson.com) that pointed out how all of society is harmed by racism, white supremacy, inequality. I believe white Americans suffer deeply. In very different ways from non-whites, obviously. I believe that the loudest voices addressing white people who are suffering offer increased hate and bigotry, in a stubborn commitment to sunk costs. If I were fully funded I would seek to address this need. I believe that the suffering of white Americans (including materialism, lack of community, lack of meaning) is destroying civilization and the planet.

And SIGH a slight post script for anyone who may feel argumentative about what I have said: There is a difference between blame, shame, and hate, and what I am saying. Also keep in mind that I am trying to phrase this SIMPLY as my beliefs from my personal feelings and experience as a white male who has lived the past half century. In my experience white identity, white culture, white commitment to democracy and other supposed values, and white Christianity are hollow and meaningless. I'm not trying to argue others into seeing my point of view, but I think that the things we are witnessing reinforce my suspicions. Declines in religious membership indicate something is lacking there. Religion especially angers me because of its privileged status and the fact that it is the realm that could be healing and helping. In my experience US white Christianity is causing harm. I called myself an atheist for many years; and, though that's technically accurate, I now identify as Humanist. I prefer to express positive values to others. I think a person can be any other affiliation and also a humanist.

...

I could go on forever because I feel a lot of passion around these topics. I'll end by saying democracy is consent. Respecting each other requires consent. We will never fully understand or agree with each other. Improving democracy, while participating in our current flawed system, is the only hope I see. Money and structural inequalities are corruptions of democracy that remove consent. One person, one vote. Removing manipulation. I don't believe I will live to see the triumph of respect for ourselves and each other. It's my guiding star, though.

I make the joke about "fully funded" but it's not a joke. If anyone who sees this knows of any way I could direct my passion towards improving the world I am open to suggestions. All my previous jobs were making the world worse, and making me unhappy. I quit during the pandemic. I am a visual artist, committed to humanism and democracy. Lately I have been living off beans, bread, and peanut butter. If I could I would put this paragraph in iMessage hidden style, or upside down. I don't want to ruin the points I'm sincerely trying to make by discussing the fact that I'm not making ends meet. At the same time I do think my lack of income is a relevant data point.

RMiddleton, 8 months ago

I tried to tag you in my reply below but I'm not sure if I did it right. I wrote TWO long posts underneath @cubedsteaks -- and YOU said your post was longer than it should be! If you don't have time to read my serialized thoughts below, just know that I appreciated your response.

RMiddleton, 8 months ago

I already wrote 2 loooong responses to you and @katana314 but I wanted to piggyback more specifically on what you say here. As an artist I have felt a lack of opportunities / interest / niche because I'm a middle aged, white, male, upper middle class background. I somehow don't think my gayness counts for much, probably related to some of my own stereotypes about my demographic that I get into in my longer comments. The doors that are open to me as a white male do not lead places I want to go. Living according to my values leads me into spaces where my characteristics are (possibly) unwanted. It's not something I normally articulate due to the many advantages I do have, and have experienced. My focus is to produce work in accordance with my values, to never stop expressing and living according to those values, and the positive feedback I do receive is more valuable that way.

RMiddleton, 8 months ago

Truth is they NEVER hit! I guess I didn’t take enough… Oh! Wait a minute…

RMiddleton, 9 months ago

I almost hate to say it because of the user base here, but I was wondering if I could block or hide certain terms as I can on Mastodon. I’m tired of seeing so much about Reddit. Some of it’s fun and interesting schadenfreude but it also feels to me a bit like obsessing over an ex. Healthier for me to stop caring.

RMiddleton, 9 months ago

I dislike Notes because it is used in so many other ways also. Notes in other contexts are very often private. Post, Blog, and Microblog are all clearly shared. (I realize some might wonder, "How could anyone think that creating a new item called Note is private?!" I simply offer the feedback that the term Notes is used elsewhere to connote notes to oneself, and would prefer not to add any potential confusion.)

RMiddleton, 9 months ago (edited 9 months ago)

To get a compliment out of the way first, your basic guide to using markdown in WriteFreely is superb. I plan to make it my go-to reference.

I also see that your blog is an offshoot of a queer publishing group. Love everything about what you're doing. I embrace the sincerity in your questions, and on the blog. I am sitting 14,000 km away from you, feeling similar feelings.

If you will indulge, I have no answers but wish to express my own questions:

• What is worth doing?
• What is worth sharing?
• I have limited time and energy. Is a response necessary to provide reward for an action?
  Applies to art and non-art. Today I cleaned. Yesterday I did not. Does that make today better than yesterday? Does that make me a better person today than I was yesterday? Is existence enough?

I often jump from one thought to another like that, and see everything as linked. The links between art, existence, worthiness — how I evaluate myself; if & how I choose to present myself, shared with others; and the role the responses (or lack of responses) by others play in the value of what I do, who I am.

I am a 51 year old, white, queer, US American cis man, identifying as an artist for 30 years. Since 2020 I gave up "outside work" and spend my time reading, researching, thinking, writing, and making art. I do not make a living — that alone is sufficient evidence that I am not doing enough, not doing the right thing, not proving that my existence has value... at least according to a particular point of view. Rejecting that point of view is part of the mental work I am doing to accept myself and all others as worthy by virtue of being living humans on this shared Earth.

I do not offer answers. I have endless questions.
I wish you well.
Rob

P.S. On community & being found: I am using Kbin right now. I am also enjoying the Fediverse via Mastodon, Pixelfed, Firefish, Funkwhale, and WriteFreely. I found your post by searching Kbin for "WriteFreely". I have a blog on Paper.wf that is not permitting any posting at the moment. I came here in hopes of finding answers, or a Paper.wf community or WriteFreely community. Yet another example of the difficulty of being found and finding connections is that these Fediverse offerings are truly wonderful assortments of largely lovely people — and they pale in numbers compared to those other awful places that I am used to. It is difficult for me to find meaningful input from more than a handful of people anywhere on the Fediverse. I am working on it. I believe what I want/need is not easy to find, on- or offline. In any case, I did not find any explanation for why my WriteFreely instance Paper.wf is not working. Instead I found your authentic expression of hope for connection. I suppose I wrote this response instead of writing in my blog (that no one sees 😛). I hope that Paper.wf resumes functioning some day. In the meantime, even when the Fediverse has technical flaws or I am not making many connections, I still feel happier and healthier here than in other online options.

RMiddleton, 9 months ago

To calm my mind I work to reduce:

• unwanted inputs
• broadcast media
• advertising
• bad faith arguing (and the unfortunate corresponding output of me arguing back, feeling angry & hopeless)
• time and energy spent harming my own wellbeing (I chose a path of financial instability for mental health; my prior jobs made me & the world worse)

& to increase:

• silence
• walking
• nature appreciation
• reading
• creativity
• meditation

Meditation is something I have felt for years I should do, but didn’t. Just last week I started a new daily practice. I had difficulty with apps and podcasts and YouTube videos because of the capitalist need for $urvival. When the path to inner peace features billboards I tend to lose focus. So I started doing it myself. I’m recording the sessions and will share them to encourage others who may be like me. I intend to show that maybe it’s not so difficult and foreign to pause and breathe and talk to oneself. In no way am I following any meditation tradition. I considered coming up with another label but felt that meditation would be the one most easily understood. I have joined this community and will post my meditation series here in the next week or two.

My name is Rob. I’m 51. I’m an abstract expressionist painter. My diagnoses (received in my early 20s) are ADHD, major depression, and eventually bipolar. I have taken many prescriptions. I have attended much therapy. I’m not doing either at the moment, for a combination of financial and DIY/philosophical reasons. I do not judge the course others take on their route to survival. At least I aspire not to judge. It’s one thing I’m working on, including in meditation.

P.S.
I experienced mild anxiety as I wrote this comment in the form of these thoughts:

• Maybe after one day HandOfDoom already received enough response. I can think of many times I’ve reached out online then retreated as I felt overwhelmed by replies — and I’m not talking as someone with a huge following, 3 replies can overwhelm me!
• If I’m not careful I will write a book length response because figuring this stuff out is my life story.

RMiddleton, 10 months ago

I consider them part of normal human behavior and therefore natural in movies. If anything I might think more intimacy should be portrayed on screen. But this question and many of the replies let me see that I am not necessarily typical in my view that sex, love, and kissing are no big deal in media.

RMiddleton, 10 months ago

Since you mentioned “boring” — Probably the most out of step thing about me is that I think boredom is healthy. I think constantly stimulating stories (and consumption habits, relationships, news…) are interfering with the hard, slow work of sustainable existence. (I just realized I’m almost quoting Dr. Wong! Sorry lol)

I crave entertainment and distraction. And I admit my huge flaw of falling into a lecturing tone. Sigh. I don’t mean it. I only want to control me. It’s just that for most of my life I’ve been pretty unhappy and dysfunctional & I see links between my past state and a desire for escape and constant entertainment. Is this still about kissing in movies? Maybe. We are just sharing opinions on the internet. Getting feelings out is good.

Gonna go watch Andy Warhol’s “Sleep” now…