@donni@mastodon.social avatar

donni

@donni@mastodon.social

Chicago comedian in real life, Internet poster in posting. Proudly hatless. Suspicious of most squirrels. Only wrestles sea cows seasonally

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donni, to random
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Got too high once and called a bunch of people in the phone book just to make sure they were doing OK

donni,
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@ReverendMoose most didn’t answer, which was concerning

donni, to random
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If I were a giraffe, I would wear a turtleneck and look amazing in it

donni, to random
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I wonder how many floors floor stores store in-store

donni, to random
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Earth is an alien zoo but our keepers lost interest millions of years ago

donni, to random
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I hope this email does not find you or anyone. Let this email wander free

donni, to random
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Who needs a basket at the supermarket? I just grab two large handfuls and stagger to the checkout, dropping small items behind me

donni, to random
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I’ll never go to bed at a reasonable hour despite being constantly exhausted and I refuse to learn from this

donni, to random
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Ask your doctor what the hell is wrong with everybody

donni, to random
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Hold me close, you idiot

donni, to random
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For a low monthly fee, you can pay me a low monthly fee

donni, to random
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I believe that bears dance secretly, seductively, in the woods

donni, to random
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For security purposes, you will now be hurled into space

donni, to random
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"Is that a banana in your pocket? Why the hell not?" -Banana enthusiast

donni, to random
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Going to bed as soon as I have 2 more bad ideas

donni, to random
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I’m sick of having to know things, and yet every day they make me know more

donni, to random
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I just want to have a nice time and avoid all consequences

donni, to random
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ME: [experiencing life] wow OK this is a lot of different annoying stuff

donni, to random
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Once, a long time ago, I was not tired. It was nice at first, but I quickly became too powerful

donni, to random
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I've seen fire and I've seen rain. I've seen birds and I've seen trees. I've seen a bunch of shit

donni, to random
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Sharks don’t sleep, but if I was a shark, I would. Who’s going to stop me? I’m a shark

donni, to random
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My demons are old friends at this point and we seldom wrestle anymore

donni, to random
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Some think cilantro tastes like soap, and some think it’s delicious, but personally, I suffer from anxiety

donni, to random
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Sure, it’s easy to despair, but it’s also surprisingly affordable

donni, to random
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Oops, I forgot to focus on anything since birth

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