And my mind has always been like this even before social media.
If I read a book I hyperfixate on it and don’t put it down until I’m done which can be a whole 27 hours.
If I am talking with my partner or if I am trying to study my mind starts to wander thinking “Hmm. I wonder what we’ll fo for dinner tonight. Oh. But then we need the pan. I better clean the pan. Oh but these trash needs to be taken out but I don’t want to do that now I’ll just chill a bit. Oh were you talking to me?”
Existing is hard sometimes and it’s not because I’m looking at reels two times per month.
A very dear friend of mine, which unfortunately is a bit sheltered, couldn’t really understand how I can’t focus. “I also have to read a page several times to get the information to stick I don’t understand what you mean.”
And then I tried to explain that when I read a page my mind just thinks of other things and after several pages I realise that from like the 3rd sentence I have been thinking about other things. So I try to read them again and again and again. And It’s not like I’m actually reading I just go through the motions of turning the pages of my economy book while my brain is doing the equivalent of taking the ring to mordor.
This friend didn’t really understand how people could be depressed either “I mean. Just don’t be sad all the time. That’s what I do.”
I was diagnosed nearly 30 years ago and have never heard of that place, if they are selling their own alternative treatment I would stay away. Best case they are just grifters, worst case it’s some crazy alternative medicine cult. The only people you should seek treatment from are doctors, psychiatrists and neurologists.
Edit: After briefly scanning over that website I’m even more sure it’s sketch. If you don’t already have a specialist for treatment you should talk to your general practitioner, ask for a referral
RSD sucks. If you're crippled by constant anxiety and meltdowns (like I was) or have anger management issues, guanfacine or clonidine can go a long way in managing the symptoms. It's really nice to not be constantly terrified of disappointing people.
I relate hard to the the stopping trying… so many things in life I’ve been too scared to do or try because I couldn’t deal with the potential reactions of me not being amazing at it the first time I try 😆
Mostly I am taken for an idiot because people can’t detect that a remark is humorous unless you’re being extremely obvious about it, and I have a very deadpan delivery, and generally dry and low key humor.
It’s very frustrating trying to socialize with people I don’t know good enough yet for them to know this, everyone just takes me at face value and then thinks I’m stupid.
I did have plenty of the awkward situations you’re describing myself when I was younger though. It’s such a revelation once you get your diagnosis and realize that, in fact, you are perceiving the world differently than neurotypical people.
@GregorGizeh@PlanetOfOrd You're not alone. One of my trademark humor formulas is to take the current topic and make a ridiculous statement. If people don't know me well enough they either think I'm lying for no reason, or are surprised that what I said is a true thing, and then I have to " no not really, I was just trying to make a joke"
Yup. I’ve been doing this my whole life and am just learning how common this is. A lot of people have told me they believe I’m very smart. And others for sure have thought I’m the dumbest person in the room. And it’s probably this that has been causing that. 🤣
I have heard that ADHD is only a problem on modern society and in the past we were the hunters as opposed to the farmers. We needed the ability to hyper focus on the landscape and watch for threats but suck at farming as it requires long term effort.
That said, what is the alternative to being medicated if we have to live in this society?
For the first 39 years of my life I was a failure and only when medicated has my life improved infinitely.
I agree. Society was not built upon accomodating the neurodivergent, and we’ve had to struggle a lot as a result. I’ve also thought about it a lot as well, so there’s nothing wrong with that.
I spent a lot of time growing up wondering why I wasn’t “normal”, like everyone else. I grew up unable to socialise well with my peers and unable to keep up academically with the demands of my academic environment. I was always struggling to stay awake in class, or focus on a subject I desperately needed to learn. I had to drop out of the sciences because I was struggling horribly and my teacher treated me quite badly for my lack of ability to keep up.
I wonder now if I could’ve done better if my parents were aware of ADHD and had gotten me the help I very desperately needed, because my mother is still in denial to this day that I’m anything but normal, only lazy, selfish and inconsiderate. I was called a lot of horrible things because of things I couldn’t control. I developed depression, but frequent therapy and counseling as of late has reduced how intense the mood swings are.
So, given a choice, I likely would’ve wished to be more normal in my own eyes.
When I went into university and met incredibly accepting and loving people, I really thrived. It’s just sad that many like us have to struggle undiagnosed for such a long time, only to realise that with medication, managing our shortcomings would have been made so much more achievable.
I still spend a lot of my time unmedicated because I’ve come to accept and love myself, including the ADHD diagnosis that I got on my own last year. The diagnosis helped me find mechanisms that actually work for me, and I’m better off for that.
I am no less of a person in my own eyes, but the judgement of a society is a lot of weight to bear.
I’m sorry you had to go through that and it’s hard to not think of the what ifs, but I’ve done to realise that we can’t do anything about them so it’s not conducive to being happy.
I do feel like society is more accepting these days of people’s differences, at least in my experience and line of work.
Yeah the medication for all it’s pros has it’s cons too. I take methylphenidate XL 36mg. Which is the time released one which lasts all day. But I sweat so much now. I can be sat at my desk and feel literal drops hitting my side from my pits (eek) and thus I always wear a hoodie.
It has also wrecked what little appetite I ever had. Like I never really got the idea of food and I ate to survive, but now I even that is hard at times. I have resorted to taking medication earlier now though so we will see if that improves.
I guess you have to weight the pros and cons and see what works for you.
I don’t hate my task paralysis because of society. I hate it because it stops me from doing the things I love. It’s also the only thing stopping me from taking the steps to be medicated. You might personally dislike the phrasing of “normal”, but try to consider how invalidating it can come across to say that I should learn to appreciate this part of myself instead of doing things to change it.
I’m the only one in my family who can actually do that.
Everyone else keeps checking their phone, talking over each other, getting up every ten minutes to do something, which makes watching a movie with my family the most frustrating thing on earth.
It’s the one thing I can focus on, and they make it unnecessarily hard for me.
The methylphenidate was helping, but since my psychiatrist retired I’m still on the waiting list for a new one who can actually prescribe and i’ve run out ;_;
I took strattera for a very short time many years ago when i was still in elementary school. I remember that it worked well but i was also not good about remembering to take meds every day. I stopped taking it after the first time i missed a dose. I only took it for a few days but the first time i missed a dose it felt like i had super ADD. Like i couldnt even concentrate on the things that i wanted to do let alone my school work. I switched to adderal after which worked much better for me.
I don’t feel overwhelmed like I used to. Even if I have an overwhelming number of things to do, I can prioritize a couple of things and ignore the rest. It’s not like I don’t care, but things don’t feel insurmountable
I’m not an emotional powder keg when Im on meds. I feel I can actually manage my emotions and process criticism like a normal person. If someone is being an asshole to me, I don’t feel like I have a strong urge to respond and I can just ignore them and go about my day
I don’t have increased focus, but I have more energy that I can spend on focus. This was what surprised me. I thought I would have better focus automatically, and maybe Im not on the right meds, but I still have to put the effort in. The difference is when Im not on meds, my tank feels empty. Even if I want to do the thing or try to focus, it takes so much out of me. At the end of the day when I would get home, I would just sit on the couch and I would be extremely mentally exhausted. I couldn’t even follow a tv show or movie. I would just watch random youtube videos or just sit there like a vegetable. It would take me all weekend of sleeping and doing nothing to recover enough to have the mental energy to face the week. Needless to say, it made making time to spend with friends very difficult and not to mention just normal daily life things. On meds, I get home, I feel like a normal person and my brain doesn’t feel burnt out. I didn’t know what normal was until now
I was surprised it made my anxiety go away in groups. I can give briefings to a group of people with very little problem. I’m engaged in meetings and will ask questions. Sometimes I think I may be annoying, but on meds I’m like “their fucking problem, I’m doing my thing.” I didn’t used to be as horrible at group interactions, but the last couple of years, things just really went downhill. I think a combination of a bad manager constantly berating me for every little thing, so I ended up internalizing a lot of it (looking back, I hate her for making me feel this way and others in my office), and reaching a point of burn out with my ADHD. The best way I can describe how I feel on meds is normal
I wish it would fix my sleep, but alas, if anything it has made it a bit worse, so that is a work in progress
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