At what age and how do you tell children about the truth of Christmas?

I’m writing this as someone who has mostly lived in the US and Canada. Personally, I find the whole “lying to children about Christmas” thing just a bit weird (no judgment on those who enjoy this aspect of the holiday). But because it’s completely normalized in our culture, this is something many people have to deal with.

Two questions:

What age does this normally happen? I suppose you want the “magic of Christmas” at younger ages, but it gets embarrassing at a certain point.

And how does it normally happen? Let them find out from others through people at school? Tell them explicitly during a “talk”? Let them figure it out on their own?

Nounka,

Not christmas stuff here but also giftbringer once a year.

Most times the children get to know the truth at 6-8 year. When they are in the year off school you get to write and read… If you don t know yet the others will tell you. And sometimes a bit of laughing. Hardcore believers are like 10. Never saw one older than that.

My sister was 4 she wanted proof. So explained. I was 6 and mam told me cause my relatives got always so mutch more and she did not wanted me to feel bad. Or think i was bad. My niece was 10 and she was like 2 days sad crying in het bed after dhe was told.

dantheclamman,
@dantheclamman@lemmy.world avatar

I found the present stash when I was about 5-6 years old and spent a few years continuing to go through the motions of Santa, playing dumb. I was also told by a non-Christian kid around that time that Santa was fake (not sure which came first). It made me very upset for a day, which is why I remember so clearly, and then I realized either way Christmas is still great. I’m glad I played dumb, for my sister’s sake, and I think my parents got a kick out of it.

MNByChoice,

Kids talk at school. Ages 5 to 9.

Saw this on Reddit years ago, and it goes like: You had a great time thinking of Santa. Now you know the truth, and you are now Santa. Same as your parents. Don’t ruin it for your siblings, let them keep the magical feeling.

punkwalrus,
@punkwalrus@lemmy.world avatar

This. I was eight when I found out. My mother was in denial and kept using santa as a manipulation tool for good behavior until I was maybe 13, but she was an alcoholic with the tentative grasp of reality. I got super bitter about Christmas until I was homeless as a teen.

Christmas was the first major attempt to wrestle back what I felt I was owed as a child. I refused to be bitter, because I saw that as giving in to the people who wanted me to fail. I enjoy Christmas as punk as fuck.

Still hard, though. I can’t find anyone as into it as I want to be and don’t have the energy to really go all in as I want to.

CylustheVirus,

We always said Santa was a fun make believe activity, but then our house has a lot of fantasy media so what’s one more myth?

angrystego,

In our family it was done like this: The story of how the presents get magically to the house was told, just like you would tell a fairytale, in this kind of storytelling way. Younger children believe it, older children begin suspecting something from the tone of voice. We also let some things slip sometimes, like hiding presents and having to go and buy some secret stuff to help with preparing the Christmas. Children of older preschool age really enjoy being able to find out themselves, suspecting you and catching the clues. Then when they confront you with their theory, you can let them in on the conspiration by just a wink, maybe tell them not to let others know. They then tend to start participating, preparing their own presents for others. It works very well.

ellabee,

I like this. in my family, I figured it out at about 3 or 4, promptly told the 2 year old, and broke the reality to the next two before they could even start to believe there was a real Santa.

instead, Santa was the spirit of Christmas, so any of us could be Santa if we gave presents with no expectation of recognition or a return gift. much more Secret Santa than magical man leaving presents.

this did lead to several years where the youngest would give away all their toys, only to then reclaim them after presents were opened. generosity isn’t an easy concept for the pre-schoolers.

TedZanzibar,

My kids are of the age where they’re starting to think critically about it. We’ve never directly lied and said that he’s real and have instead answered their questions with a “do you think he’s real?”, and then they have a think and conclude that he is.

When they come to us with more of a statement than a question, for example “Santa isn’t real, is he?”, then we will let them in on the ruse.

dewritoninja,

I don’t remember being told that santa existed, growing in a deeply religious family christmas was always about Jesus. Now I’m an atheist so I guess 16-18 when I found out it’s actually a pagan festival that the romans ductaped Christianity to it

emptiestplace,

Don’t lie to your children about someone sneaking into the house at night while everyone is asleep, it’s fucking weird.

Thisfox,
  1. It’s not a stranger. Santa was a fairytale part of our family.
  2. He left presents with the permission and collaboration of my parents. So he wasn’t sneaking in without first consulting with them. No different to the comings and goings of my parents other friends and family. Theoretically they could have told him I was naughty, and not let him in.
  3. If it’s a real issue, for some weird reason, have him “post” the presents.
  4. kids cotton on fast, but it is a fun game, no different to waking from your nap and finding out your grandfather flew in from overseas when you were sleeping.
Globulart, (edited )

It’s weird from an adult’s perspective but it’s magical for a kid, and seeing the excitement build and the idea of actual magic contributing to a really family centric event is like proper magic for a parent too.

I spent a long time growing up thinking that I would never do that to my kids, but I think it’s actually crueler not to do it now. You’re taking away an experience most children share and get excited by together for no real reason.

My children are 3.5 and 9months and I haven’t decided when I’d let the older one know but it’s certainly a few years away at least. I’m hoping that one day she comes and asks me herself how real it is because she’s pieced together how impossible some aspects are, but I really have no idea how naively optimistic I’m being. I guess what’s more likely is she comes home from school upset one day because another kid told her, and then I’ll have to explain it and get her on board to keep the magic alive for her little brother.

Firipu,
@Firipu@startrek.website avatar

Yeah, once you have kids, you realize the magic of Xmas trumps any other potential issues one might have with it.

Kids don’t think about all the issues of “free toys, stranger danger, weirdo in my house, lapsitting on an older dude”.

For them Christmas is pure magic. I would never take this away from my Kids. My eldest knows the truth, he still loves pretending and making my youngest kids believe.

Sometimes the magic of a situation is much more important than the “educational value”. You won’t traumatize your kids by having santa come and have the best morning of their entire year…

tungah,

What truth of Christmas?

andrewta,

That Santa isn’t real is what the op is referring to

eldoom,

WHAT?! If Santa isn’t real then how do those presents get there?? And the cookies! Where do they go??

Brickhead92,

Oh, sorry about the cookies. I thought leaving the presents as a thanks, for providing snacks while I watched you sleep would be OK.

eldoom,

Your name isn’t Santa…

sxan,
@sxan@midwest.social avatar

Never, because Santa is the spirit of Christmas, and he is real. As long as someone includes a “from Santa” label on at least one gift, Santa’s been there.

Nowadays, it’s agreed in the family that stockings are from Santa.

Gabu,

Oh, “from Santa”… I must’ve been thanking the wrong guy, but Satan does have a similar name.

sxan,
@sxan@midwest.social avatar

Satan gives better candy, and has a cool van.

legion,

At what age do you tell boomer parents the truth about Christmas? That their daughter who moved away to the “bIg CiTy” so she could get an “eDuCaTiOn” and pursue a “CaReEr” and “dRiNk LaTtEs” is actually happy there, is not going to come home from Christmas, fall in love with the blue collar boy who never left town, and magically discover the rural housewife life is what she actually wanted all along?

Dark_Arc,
@Dark_Arc@social.packetloss.gg avatar

Now that’s crazy talk… /s

crystalmerchant,

yayyy Hallmark movies

Honytawk,

As soon as you want. They usually only care about the presents anyway. Doesn’t matter if it was given to them in a fat guy in a red suit or by their parents.

intensely_human,

Kids I’m really sorry to tell you this, but this year we had the earliest Christmas decoration rollout in recorded history.

Unless something serious changes, scientists are predicting that by the year 2050, Christmas will be year-round.

That’s why we need you to grow up to understand that Christmas is in December, and to wage war on Christmas happening in any other month.

Honytawk,

The real war on Christmas, and about the only war I support.

Firipu,
@Firipu@startrek.website avatar

Halloween is over. I’m setting up my tree tomorrow morning. I’ll only take it down mid February. I’ll blast Christmas songs the entire time. It’s the best season of the year. Fuck only celebrating it in December.

Nothing beats sitting around a Christmas tree in the evening watching TV with the entire family for almost 4 months

LowtierComputer,

Big box stores near me were selling Christmas stuff in September this year.

WashedOver,
@WashedOver@lemmy.ca avatar

Much like sex, drugs and Rock and Roll, let them find out about it on the playground like the rest of us did…

abcxyz,
@abcxyz@mastodon.social avatar

@WashedOver @Clymene cant stress just how much I disagree here if you're serious

Parental teaching, while not perfect, is the way to go to atleast lay some groundwork for thigs like sex ed before you step out into world

By the time you reach the playground, its too late and you can easily be taken advantage of

Anyone else, apart from parents, have ulterior motives

arthur,

youtu.be/BsR6sIsoWgU

Not sure if it will help, I was looking for another video about Santa specifically. But could not find it. In that video he says that he did not dismiss Santa’s tales but also did not engage with it. And at a certain point question the tales and asked the kids how they know that’s Santa who is giving them presents. Then the kids looked for ways to find out, and discovered themselves. (If I remember correctly)

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