Why do people keep asking where I'm from?

Up until I started working, I didn’t really encounter that question. When I did start working, people started asking me that question.

Them: Where are you from?

Me: Canada.

Them: Where are your grandparents from?

Me: Canada.

Them: Ok, where are your great grandparents from?

Me: Canada.

It’s irritating sometimes. I just want to exist, do my job and go home, like anyone else. Once is ok, twice is odd, three times is weird, and the fourth time is a pattern.

The only accent that I might have would probably be from Newfoundland, Canada, as I grew up with a lot of people from there. I also talk too fast sometimes.

Have you had similar experiences, and if so, how did you handle it? Can fast speech patterns cause this? Why do random people care so much?

Omega_Haxors,

After the second time you should just respond “don’t overthink it”

Pounddc1,

HMU on telegram if you got verified Id.me let hit $100k upwards and split @pounddc1

RBWells,

Oh my goodness. I am pretty much garden variety white, fair skin, blue eyes, dark hair, but mom’s dad was half native American or Mexican (such a brutal upbringing he never talked about them so she didn’t know for sure beyond “Oklahoma”), she looked more native in features, I got some of that and what I got asked down here when young is “what are you?”

It may be your accent but maybe it’s your looks. I think just responding, “Canada, what about you?” is correct.

As to why people care, I don’t rightly know. Maybe they think you might like to talk about it, or like to put people in boxes or don’t know you and are trying awkwardly to make small talk.

catastrophicblues,

I never know how to answer this. I grew up till middle school in Canada and the rest of my school in India. I rarely get dentist with many Indian traditions, but I also didn’t spend enough time in Canada to be a “real” Canadian.

I just flip a coin in my head and answer each time. And then get the follow-up asking where my parents are from. Just ask my race, you coward.

Shampoo_Bottle,
@Shampoo_Bottle@lemmy.ca avatar

What IS a real Canadian, though? I know some immigrants who love this country much more than some of the people who were born here.

Many of us are also only here from our ancestors immigrating. How far down the line does one have to be to be a real Canadian? You can’t judge that by DNA, either.

Thisfox,

If you’re now in Australia, it is polite to ask “where y’from” as a starter convo, as knowing who your mob are is part of getting to know you. An Aussie would find the answer [insert country name here] as pretty standoffish (sort of an “I don’t want to talk about it or be friends with you” answer) but if they were determined to get to know you they might then ask patiently “where in Canada?” or ask about the part of Canada you might originate from, knowing it is a large place. This helps them to understand who you are and work better alongside you in big projects in future. Unfriendly people aren’t really worth working with or helping out if the going gets tough.

Think of it this way: If you have spoken four words to someone “Canada” and “why do you ask?” they are less motivated to cover your shift. If they know you are from that cool place with several excellent bands and a beautiful landscape and you often chat about whales or whatever, they might try to help you out. Also, how cold and bleak your life would be without the occasional conversation with someone at least once a day. Many people live alone.

How do you first get to know your work colleagues? Ask about a sport or the weather? Or ask about something else? Is small talk and office acquaintances not a thing where you are from?

Kanzar,

When my white colleagues get asked “this”, it’s more “are you a local boy/girl?” (just country things…). When my non-white colleagues get asked “where are you from?”, they’re not satisfied with a location somewhere in Australia.

Apparently, for a lot of white Australians, you need to be white to be Australian.

Aabbcc,

Seems like if the follow up question is “where are your parents from” they’re really asking about genetic heritage

ArtieShaw,
ArtieShaw avatar

Do you have an unusual or oddly spelled surname?

I do. It's by marriage, and coworkers sometimes awkwardly ask about it. It won't be the first question they ask - because that would be weird, but it often comes up if it sort of fits the conversation.

intensely_human,

Anyone who’s asked you four times where you’re from is not paying attention.

MufinMcFlufin,

I would imagine they’re trying to ask what someone’s ethnicity is but forgot the word for it.

SVcross,
@SVcross@lemmy.world avatar

So, Sam, where are you from?

redhorsejacket,

They got movie theaters there?

SVcross,
@SVcross@lemmy.world avatar

Pppppp ppppp ppppppppp ppppp pppp?

redhorsejacket,

perfection

idiomaddict,

Newfoundland has a very particular accent, do you speak with a strong accent?

nutsack,

they’re trying to figure out your race or whatever

kent_eh,

That’s exactly what it is.

Light haired white people don’t generally recieve this type of question.

Shampoo_Bottle,
@Shampoo_Bottle@lemmy.ca avatar

I mean, there is a chance that somewhere along the way someone was sneaky, so 🤷‍♀️

ArcaneSlime,

He says in another comment that he’s a white newfie, so, doubtful, unless he now lives in like, Kolkata. More likely, he has a slight accent or is just upset about small talk.

As a white guy myself, white all kinds of people constantly ask things like “where you from,” in the same cadence of “nice weather we’re having, huh?” It’s a part of getting to know people, what’s your name, where you from, what kind of music you into, etc. I don’t think they’re trying to find out if I am originally of Saxon or Angle stock, I think they’re just trying to make small talk.

nutsack,

if someone says something about the weather or my weekend I tell them I have to take a shit

ArcaneSlime,

Might as well just start calling them a cunt for talking to you, that’ll sure as shit get em to stop.

tyrefyre,

I would agree with you in when they ask where you’re from. Once they start asking where your parents and grandparents are from they’re trying to figure out your race. I also agree with you as a white guy I don’t usually get extra probing but there are a few, mostly older, that are trying to figure out what specific type of white. It occasionally ends with a comment about how some group isn’t really white even though they have light skin.

ArcaneSlime,

If he’s white, as he says, and at least in my experience, nobody is trying to figure out our “race.” It’s “white” lol, nobody questions it. That and white to white nobody is ashamed to straight up say “what is your ancestry” because no white people (except maybe OP) get offended by it, they always just answer “mostly Irish with a bit of English” or “German, French, English” or “Serbian” or whatever, especially in a “melting pot” country like the US or CAN, so if they wanted to know they’d just ask, between white people that question (regarding ethnic background/ancestry) is as innocuous as “what’d you have for breakfast.”

I’m betting he has an accent, and they were asking where he was from but he gave an obviously cold/strange answer, and they didn’t know where to go from there. They should have just realized that OP was sort of hostile and doesn’t want to talk, and ended it there, yes, but they probably weren’t trying to be “racist” to someone who ostensibly is just “a white guy who says aboot, eh.”

Idk where you’re from, but in America the only people alive when that type of racism was prevalent are ~100yr old. Maybe some old WWII vets still hate the Italians, but mostly, even in my conservative southern location, nobody cares who the “real whites” are. I’ve even met and argued with actual racists who actually hate POCs and even they still accept all forms of “white,” even “white hispanic or latinos.”

Resol,
@Resol@lemmy.world avatar

Time to ask a different question.

Where am I from? No hints.

calypsopub,

So are you autistic? Because the literal-mindedness of your answers and the lack of awareness of how to engage in small talk is telling. I say this as one on the spectrum myself; it took me a long time to understand this is just an attempt to establish social connections by finding points of commonality. “Oh, you’re from Calgary? I used to live there, too! Did you know a store called Myth Games?” Neurotypical people are also waiting for you to ask the same things in return and often feel miffed if you don’t show any curiosity about them.

peter,
@peter@feddit.uk avatar

I don’t know if this applies to this kind of question though. If you ask someone where they’re from and they say Canada and you want more you would say “what part” not start going up the generations

monsterpiece42,

Also autistic. I had the same thought about OP.

Before building my mask I was very similar (and probably pissed a lot of NTs off too lol).

calypsopub,

I was in my 50s before I started understanding this stuff. Before that, I was married to a very gregarious man who was my social buffer. I could hide behind his small talk. But then he passed away and I was left twisting in the wind until I started to learn how to make small talk. Often I just ask myself what my husband would have said.

Rozz,

That’s good advice for someone who has a more outgoing partner who knows how to small talk.

monsterpiece42,

I was late diagnosed discovered as well. Early 30s.

I have a decent mask built up but it is really exhausting so I try not to use it if I don’t have to.

On thing I’ve found about small talk is, people love to be told what day it is. Like they ask you “how’s it going?” and you say back “well it sure is a Tuesday!” It’s actually amusing how well it works.

Shampoo_Bottle,
@Shampoo_Bottle@lemmy.ca avatar

I might or might not be. I was tested as a child, but my parents were told that I had ADHD. They could have been wrong, though. I’ll keep my mind open and maybe get checked out again at some point though.

I would agree with you about the small talk thing, but I could also argue that some people just suck at small talk. ADHD, trauma, behavioural diagnosis, etc could all be a cause. I would also argue that most people would pick up on someone avoiding a topic. If I get one worded answers, I’ll usually move on to the next thing or I’ll let that person be. I won’t usually keep asking someone the same question in different ways if I don’t get an answer the first couple of times haha.

Crashumbc,

It’s just a standard office getting to know you small talk thing. You’ll get used to it.

FYI, they were looking for you to actually talk and engage with them, not a one word answer. Tell them what part of Canada, that your family was part of the Canada-US wars and locked the US’s. And most importantly, ask them something in return…

tja,
@tja@sh.itjust.works avatar

Skating it once might be standard. But asking where the grandparents are from is kind of strange

kent_eh,

But asking where the grandparents are from is kind of strange

Yeah, that’s almost always a question based on racism.

Crashumbc,

Maybe, but they were probably thrown off or annoyed by his weird one word answer. Replying “Canada” when you’re in Canada is just strange.

tja,
@tja@sh.itjust.works avatar

Yes, indeed. That’s also strange.

peter,
@peter@feddit.uk avatar

OP says this has happened multiple times though

lamabop,

Yea but where are u from?

Valmond,

I’m swedish and living in France and I get that question a lot (but not about my parents/grandparents wtf?)

If cute girl: you have to guess! Then get very fake outraged if she says Germany etc. Friendly banter ensues.

Otherwise it’s just people who want to chit chat with you so just roll with it and expect the classic jokes (for me it’s IKEA, Volvo, surströmming…).

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