One more: vaccines are a miracle of science that save our lives and if you are an antivaxxer you are subscribing to weaponized disinformation and being a moron.
Moisturize every day. Told to me by a very young looking 40 year old in a bathroom at a club when I was 16. Can confirm, am now around that age and I look late 20s.
I was diagnosed “gifted” in grade school, and those were the absolute worst years of my life. I’m still recovering from how much psychological and emotional damage I took on from that time. Emotional intelligence is real, and it should not be slept on.
However, as stress increases, so do norepinephrine levels. When norepinephrine is excessive, it stops activating those thinking parts of the brain[1] and instead starts activating the emotional parts of the brain.[2]
By dampening the ventromedial prefrontal cortex activity, stress inhibits the capacity to feel connected with others. People often become stuck in emotion-driven interpretations of events and are rapidly propelled into fight-or-flight mode, which limits our ability to respond flexibly and intentionally.[3]
Saw a homeless man taking a bath in a bathroom sink at a Burger King when I was around 7 or so. Told me about how his situation could happen to anyone but I’ll never forget this phrase “don’t ever talk about what you’re gonna do, talk about what you’ve done”
The context was flipping eggs for the first time because I was being too cautious about breaking the yolk. My coworker said it in passing and probably never thought of it again but over the years it’s translated into a lot of stuff.
I remember one time way back in high school some kids were making fun of some other kids for liking something, can’t remember what it was. Teacher overhead what happened and stopped it, and told us: Imagine how boring the world would be, if everyone liked the same stuff. This one has always stuck with me.
My grandfather continually underscored to me that no matter what you try to do, even if it is a failure so to speak, you have learned. And you can carry what you’ve learned into your next effort, and be that much more strong and powerful. There is no shame in trying to invent something and discover that you are wrong, or start a business and not have it succeed, or try to approach something in a novel way and have it fall flat. That is the essence of how we learn and discover and grow.
Furthermore he taught me that you need to let people show you how to do things that you already know how to do. Everybody out there has a piece of priceless gold that they’re just willing to hand to you, and all you have to do is be willing to listen. And accept that while we may know how to do something, there’s always a better way.
It’s an inversion of the saying that ends in “worth doing well”, and it sticks with me because it’s genuinely good advice.
Like, turning in a half-completed assignment for a failing grade is way less harmful to one’s GPA than failing to turn in anything and taking a “0”. I might not have the energy after work to do all of my laundry, but knocking out one load is still better than none. Frozen dinners might not be healthy, but skipping meals would be worse.
You can’t whole-ass everything all the time, but half-ass is better than no-ass. 😸
It also helps overcome the paralysis of perfection.
Sometimes just producing something will do far more to help you improve than any amount of prep work. Do a half arsed job, then figure out where you actually need to improve it. By that point you will have a lot more momentum to keep working on it, and a lot more idea where to focus.
With depression it’s more of a lethargy paralysis. It makes you feel like it’s too hard, and not worth all the effort. Once you are moving , it becomes more obvious how hollow that feeling is. It often doesn’t go away, but can be fought against. I suspect it’s why exercise is helpful for some, but not others. It helps get you into the mindset of doing things. When it’s mild enough, this can shatter the false walls on your mind.
Yeah, that’s definitely been my experience of it. I read somewhere that the evolutionary basis for it is to prevent action when previous action has had consistently bad outcomes. It encourages hiding until external conditions improve. And apparently it’s the same for most animals. Appropriately tragic, isn’t it?
Ultimately, humans are quite poorly designed for modern life. Our minds haven’t significantly changed since we were chasing herbivores across the savannah. Our bodies never even finished coming down from the trees. The fact we function as a modern society is actually quite impressive.
Depression is likely a bunch of different instincts and survival methods messing each other up. It’s likely got ties to hiding. It also likely has got ties to hibernation, along with 101 other minor instincts that can no longer serve their original purpose.
I do know that “learned helplessness” is common to most mammals. Rats can show it, along with depression, when conditions get weird enough. It makes sense as a fall back. Huddle down and save energy until something changes for the better.
One of our biggest advantages is our rational brain. Stopping our own instincts is like trying to stop a goods train. What we can do is be smart. We can reach in and tweak the controls, change the signals. It’s hard, particularly with things like depression clouding our thoughts. But it can be done.
I am a ghost in the machine, inside of a bodged together biological computer, piloting a poorly designed meat mech. It’s completely absurd, but if I don’t take control of it, who the hell will?
I actually learned those in reverse #2 first. I don't like fake people and learned that being your genuine self meant people actually knew the real you and liked that person. Pretending to be something/someone else meant you were liked for something you were not and when people realized that, they would have nothing to do with someone fake like that.
But being your true self 100% of the time means that you will have opinions, feelings, likes and hates that are different from others. Peer pressure to conform can be quite bad, depending on your age. So it's not always easy to stand by the genuine person that you are. But in the end it's 1000% worth it. I have zero regrets about that.
That led to #1 eventually. If you spend your life worrying about other people's opinions of you, you have no time to actually have your own opinion of yourself, or a life. Self respect is about actually being the person you want to be. Can You live with yourself based on your actions in life? Because You are the only one who has to live your life. Making decisions based on others opinions has it's place, but only when you decide that the person you are listening to has a valid respectful opinion. Respecting yourself first helps you learn to respect others. Knowing you are a good person and behaving like one makes it really easy to dismiss other people's opinions of you, especially when they are negative or misplaced.
Not sure how you would teach that. I only learned this by being around people that did the opposite of those two things and I decided I just didn't want to be that kind of horrible person.
This is the only life we get, and only you get to make the rules for yourself.
That’s great advice, and it pairs well with all the words of wisdom regarding not speaking or acting in anger.
Often people threaten in situations where they know they are powerless and cannot act, whether on a threat or anything else. When you have power and you know it, you act differently, more confidently, and as though you know nothing is lost by keeping the mouth shut until ready to act.
But your threats speak for you as well. They warn your opponent how and where you intend to strike them, should you ever be able to do so, and tell an observant enemy exactly how you think and what would frighten or piss you off, because that’s what you’re trying to do to them by threatening them.
Your entire appearance, tone of voice, and choice of words also tell an opponent a lot of the real truth about your immediate attitude and maturity level, and whether you’re personally even worth changing their course to help.
Threats are a product of fear and anger, and are not nearly as threatening as the people making them think they are. If you want to threaten, act cool and confident. Laugh at them when they start getting flustered.
“Oh” and “heh, okay” are how to respond to threats being made to you, like they just don’t matter and your real position is whatever pal, if it makes you feel better. This level of near-total non-response gives you time to evaluate the situation and do nothing you’ll regret, or to do something later that you’ve planned out far better than making angry threats in the heat of the moment.
Threats are almost always the most stupid tactic there is. You’re gonna call my boss and have my job? Not before I call him, lol. But thanks for letting me know. Have a nice day.
This is how threats telegraph weakness to people who are accustomed to holding power. If you want someone to know for sure you hold no cards, start whipping out threats.
TL;DR: Threats are best avoided until you are truly ready to act. And if you can’t act, keep it shut until you can.
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