Just thinking about how my mom and other family all recognize my mental illness now, because they have mothers, brothers, and sisters with mental illness and same symptoms I have. So, suddenly, it's familiar to them.
But, because it's stigmatized, nobody talks about it (except me who talks about it all the time--I know, big surprise right?). But everybody is caught by surprise with me because I didn't appear to be unwell or something? I'm just that good at masking, right? Why are people surprised? Because mental illness is STIGMATIZED. I knew something was wrong with me, but was not safe in my marriage to talk about it and was afraid to seek a proper diagnosis. I started telling my therapist "I think I'm schizophrenic like my grandma" 8 years ago. And I've been chasing a diagnosis to fit me the whole time. Except that any time psychosis comes into the picture, I lied to myself and others because... Stigma. I didn't actually want to be perceived as "crazy" and/or dangerous. I'm not dangerous, I can say that much for certainty.
We need more destigmatization. I know for safety reasons some people just can't. I don't know of many people who talk about it as much as I do, but would be great if more did.
Specifically my dad, two grandmas, and a first cousin, all have/had significant symptoms and diagnoses related to/same as mine, and nobody liked to talk about it. Had they done so, I might have recognized myself, might have gotten help sooner. Keeping secrets did me no favors. My mom said her mom knew since she was in her 20's, and that cost her a marriage, because if my grandpa would have known that her disordered and erratic behavior was mental illness, he would have stayed with her. It was a decades old secret.
I'm going to yell about it until I'm purple in the face, but at least y'all know some of the reasons why by now. And if you have these diagnoses, your children stand a chance of inheriting it, if the environmental triggers come into play, that chance is increased. This is why I WILL eventually talk to my ex and kids about it. It's that important.
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