I've lost it all and I don't know how to handle it

Let me start. I previously resided in a north eastern US state, I had a good job, a good partner, a nice place to live. I thought I’d made it.

I started having medical problems, discovered I carry certain genes and such. Was having trouble getting them diagnosed, but such is life.

Then my good partner left me, I lost my job of a year and a half, and I thought a fresh start near family would be good. I decided to move cross country. Which I regret, I want to leave but now I don’t have the resources so here I am.

I just can’t seem to get a job, I’ve applied at over 2000 jobs in the last 6 months. My previous job was managing the entire technology infrastructure for an IT company. The one before that was the IT Manager for a small company. I have the experience, but I can’t get a job.

Last night I swerved to avoid deer in the road, got stuck in the mud and had to get towed out. I’m flat broke, I can’t get a job, I have nothing. I lost everything. And I don’t see myself ever recovering it. I have the experience and skill to do at least mid and some high level IT work.

I desperately want a remote job because my car is not reliable, my partner got the good car sadly. I’ve certainly made mistakes, I’ve certainly failed. But I don’t think I deserve this much pain and suffering. I have nothing, I’ve lost it all. I can’t find a job. I don’t dare look for a partner while I’m a dead broke loser, so I have no one to share with.

Anyways, I apologize for whining and crying, I know we’re all going through things. But I have nowhere to vent and it just keeps getting worse and I honestly don’t think I’ll ever get out.

Love you all. Thanks for reading. Please think of me when you get a chance and send good vibes my way.

DefiantBidet,

I was unemployed for nearly a year recently. IT work is inundated with talent pool bc of the FAANG downsizing about a year ago. . It’s coming back but slowly.

Sounds like you’re depressed which has the awesome side effect of altering how you would typically approach and perform in an interview - not in an ideal way. Being cognizant of that may help. Maybe you’re not but I know when I had the numbers you’re talking about sending resumes etc, I was pretty down. Each rejection took a little toll. Maybe try changing your resume up a bit, and practice soft skills for interviewing? Might help take time away from feeling bad about it-which I get.

dragontamer,

Microsoft just fired like 1100 employees from the Blizzard/Activision section. Google just laid off a few weeks ago. Amazon just laid off a bunch of Twitch workers a few weeks ago.

We’re still in the middle of a FAANG downturn. Its even worse than last year. Honestly, getting an IT job in these conditions will be hell. But if that’s your skillset, there’s not much to do but continue to send out resumes, maybe send your resume to a resume workshop / people willing to improve it with you.

BolexForSoup,
BolexForSoup avatar

The video game industry is at almost 6000 people laid off industrywide. I think I read the other day that we’re not even out of January and it’s like 70% of 2023’s total already. It’s a tough market everywhere that’s for sure

DefiantBidet,

Microsoft just fired like 1100 employees from the Blizzard/Activision section. Google just laid off a few weeks ago. Amazon just laid off a bunch of Twitch workers a few weeks ago.

shit… haven’t been paying attention then. damn. good call- i stand corrected. i thought there was a slight uptick in jobs but i guess that was leading up to the fall.

why does q4-q1 always suck in this industry? oh yea … gotta show profitability for taxes. right.

dragontamer,

Recent changes in tax laws and reporting, and how IT workers get taxed.

In particular, whether or not information technology counts as R&D expenses or as CapEx, which has tax implications.

Szymon,

Work something outside your normal skillset as a stopgap measure. Maybe you’ll find a new passion. The world just changed around you, don’t assume that the time and skills you’ve developed so far will continue to pay off. Sunken cost fallacy. Find a new niche, make yourself good at it. Gig work, odd jobs, keep a goal in mind and work towards it.

It can very easily overwhelm you, so try to think of how proud someone that loves you will be when you pull yourself out of it. Believe that they want to be there for you, to help you, regardless of if you’re proud of those decisions or not. I don’t care about embarrassment or ego, I care about having those I love actively in my life.

Talk to people, don’t let your sadness fester. It’s ok to cry, but don’t let it be all you do.

Live today, not in the past of your relationship or the future you once dreamed up. Live today with today’s challenges and make a new plan for tomorrow.

I hope you’ll be ok. There’s love out there, I hope you can feel a tiny bit of it from this internet stranger. Please let me know when (not if) things turn and start looking better.

shalafi,

I’m in tech. Have been for 20 years. Lemme get a look at that resume. After, you can call me and we talk. Maybe I can find where you’re falling out.

thisjustin, (edited )

Just sent it to you, thank you, any advice is welcome!

thisjustin,

Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. I’m fine with sharing my resume with whoever would like to look (no email needed, it’s hosted on my website). I have applied at the lowest of low tech jobs and completely unrelated jobs but yes, as someone below pointed out my resume is probably too experienced for them to hire me for it.

Lmaydev,

I was in a similar position a while ago. Left my marriage of 10 years due to it becoming toxic and abusive. Lost my job, house, car Etc.

The thing I’ve learnt is that life is long and a lot can change over a couple of years.

You just have to keep pushing on and things will resolve themselves eventually.

That’s not to say it’s easy. But it’s completely doable. You’ll look back in 5 years time and wonder what all the fuss was about.

hightrix,

My only bit of advice to offer is to modify your resume to make yourself look slightly less experienced and willing to take a lower role.

Tech industry is tough right now. Keep your head up. Things will ease.

surewhynotlem,

Lie on your resume. As long as you can talk through it. I guarantee they’re lying to you on the JD.

Zerlyna,
@Zerlyna@lemmy.world avatar

Sending good vibes to you. Vent away.

Hegar,
Hegar avatar

If you respond well to ideas, I found the Chinese philosophical text the Zhuangzi comforting when life is filled with negative changes.

It's encourages remembering that the world operates at multiple scales, that human concerns are just one scale, and has a lot to say about coping with inevitable and unexpected transformations. Even in translation it's sparkling - witty, brilliant, silly and logical.

But I know not everyone finds comfort in words.

lwuy9v5,

Sending you positive thoughts. It won’t always be as bad as it is today - that’s hard to see when you’re suffering from it though.

I hope you can catch a break, take some time to just tread water as you can.

Lean on friends, and find anything to help keep your head above water. It’s okay to be struggling - it’s okay to be having a hard time. Look for the people who can help you get through things. It’s good to talk to people about how you are feeling.

JoMiran,
@JoMiran@lemmy.ml avatar

Hey friend. What’s your skill set?

thisjustin,

I have three primary skill sets -

First, tech, everything from hardware to software, switchs, Meraki, Unifi, WatchGuard, RMM software, Veeam, backup disaster recovery setup/maintenance, failure redundancy, domain admin, server (Windows and Linux) admin, web hosting. Azure, M365, traditional office, HTML/CSS/Javascript/PHP/Python/Powershell/BASH, etc etc

Second, moving industry. I can’t physically do the moving anymore, but I was a driver and crew lead for over a year. Afterwards I was the sales/estimation office assistant manager. I still did my own estimates, but also reviewed all outgoing estimates and handled any customer issues with our estimates. I also handled the commercial contracts.

Third, I worked for a Steelcase dealer and did vendor pricing, discounting, freight rates, POs, etc.

JoMiran,
@JoMiran@lemmy.ml avatar

Well, it seems that you have good IT operations support experience, so it might be a CV/resume issue. If you don’t mind sharing it, I can take a look at it for you. My Mastodon account is @JoMiran.

ChonkyOwlbear,

Lower your standards for a job. Not McDonalds level, but tier 1 support level. It’s much easier to get a job if you already have one.

NoIWontPickaName,

Kind of. You have stability and lack the desperation, but getting the time to get to interviews is a lot more difficult especially when you do two or three.

JoMiran,
@JoMiran@lemmy.ml avatar

No. Never do this, or if you do to pay the bills, do not put it on your resume.

ChonkyOwlbear,

Having large gaps in employment isn’t great on your resume either.

JoMiran,
@JoMiran@lemmy.ml avatar

Lie if you have to. Say you were working on a failed startup that never got off the ground, but never say you went backwards.

SOURCE: I’ve been doing this since 1997 and I have countless examples of how it negatively affects your career. Just don’t do it.

quams69,

Oh this happened to me last year, minus some details and add some others. Hope someone here has some advice because 988 didn’t help and I gotta stop crying before lunch is over

Edit actually here’s some advice I’m giving myself: see a therapist because internet strangers don’t know shit

Bigoldmustard,

Something that helped me was aggressively policing how long I allowed myself to think about things I can’t solve right now. I shrunk my world down to actionable items on a really granular level. Sometimes it’s just “take a shower”, “take out the trash”.

The next step after that was analyzing where effort was harming my mental health. Thinking about things beyond my control had to be discouraged. Sometimes the correct move is to let things happen. Sometimes your actionable item doesn’t appear until those things play out.

I’m not saying you can’t be upset about stuff, but if you can recognize those times when your emotion is actually harming your situation, now you have something you can work on.

Lmaydev,

Being present is massively helpful with mental health.

Depression is looking back and anxiety is looking forward. Speaking very generally of course.

If you can ground yourself in present (even for a few minutes) you’ll realise you are okay right now.

JackiesFridge,
@JackiesFridge@lemmy.world avatar

Big agree with Bigoldmustard. In your situation, downsizing and focusing can go a long way. Force your big human brain into lizard mode and keep reminding yourself some things are outside of your control and current ability. Your primary goal is to keep going long enough to pounce on something better.

Also, if you’re in the US look into the Modest Needs charity and see if you qualify for some relief - getting your car reliable again will open more opportunities for employment, even if it’s not within your career. Take a job that gets you some steady work and always keep looking for a job in your field.

Life has stretches of suck, but nothing lasts forever.

blanketswithsmallpox,

See a professional. Meds work for the vast majority of people. Get diagnosed and fix other ND conditons you might have that aren’t directly related to depression/anxiety. It helps the sleep which helps the stress which helps everything else. CBT and good coping mechs only goes so far.

afunkysongaday,

Just keep in mind that everything could turn around again just as easily. You can’t imagine it now just like you could not imagine losing it all before. But it’s realistic as long as you don’t give up. A job comes through tomorrow, you find a great partner the day after and all is good.

NegativeLookBehind,
NegativeLookBehind avatar

Just throwing out ideas, can you do any freelance work? What about other skill sets? Is there something other than IT that at least provides some income? I wish you best of luck. I know what it means to struggle.

AllonzeeLV,

Good vibes friend. This world is cold and cruel, it isn’t you and it isn’t on you.

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