I'd like to take some time to discuss #consent when dealing with #DisabledPeoples & am open to others sharing their lived & witnessed experiences & related thoughts.
First off, for folks who don't know me well - I'm a 48 yr old polio survivor, who is now living w/PPS, scoliosis & osteoporosis. I walk daily w/2 full leg braces & wooden cane. I have a mobility scooter & electric wheelchair for my really bad pain days(I live w/daily chronic pain).
I ask for consent from me, before you try to touch me, try to 'help' me & try to speak for me.
I've worked so damn hard at #adapting to my #disabilities & am proud of how far I got myself. You'd rob me of my personal earned #PersonalDignity by trying to help me when it's not needed, asked for or unwanted. Folks need to understand that our mobility aids are extensions of our bodies & our freedoms. We don't want anyone moving us around without our consent. (2)
Most folks never try to touch a person who isn't disabled, without consent & be able to get away with that shit in public very much.
You touch a disabled person in public & if disabled person isn't OK with that - it's the disabled person being treated like they're a bad person & not the person who touched disabled person without asking for consent first. (3)
I've been told - "Be grateful!" too many times to count by ignorant public when anyone tries to touch me or any of my mobility aids without asking for my consent first. These are #ableist#bullies .
These are folks who would have huge issues with complete strangers touching them but they think it's OK & that I'm ungrateful for not wanting strangers to touch me or start trying to move me in my wheelchair without my personal consent first.(4)
PLEASE always keep in mind that I was told multiple doctors & medical specialists that I'd never be able to walk again at age 6. I've beaten ALL ODDS due to personal determination & NOT by medical ppl believing in me. I'm very determined & dislike anyone treating me like I'm less than capable. I may be disabled & paralyzed for life but that doesn't mean I want ppl to not respect needs of CONSENT FIRST 👍(6)
It's extremely hard for many of us, who are almost lifelong #disabled from young ages to understand why we're treated like we shouldn't even exist. We're left out of important government decisions that affect our daily lives. If we get scraps of overdue help, we're seen as ungrateful if we raise any valid concerns/criticisms. We're marginalized & governments seem hellbent in seeing us all die. I don't know how you'd feel - if you're able to put yourself in my shoes for even a week. #eugenics
@msquebanh and if we do manage to have a bit of fun or a few good days people seem to get upset about that. It’s extremely dehumanizing, all of this is extremely dehumanizing.
@msquebanh Sometimes I believe the government is encouraging us to die at least here in Canada with MAID. Solidarity from another disabled person still living well below the poverty line.
@Watercolorweirdo@msquebanh Yeah I wanted to utilize MAID for treatment resistant mental illness. I don't even think my situation is treatment resistant, but the services are so inadequate here that I don't know what the results would be for long-term psychotherapy.
@msquebanh Thank you for sharing your experiences. A couple years ago I ended up in a situation where I violated the personal boundaries of a visually impaired woman. She got on the bus and didn't know which seat was available. I tried to explain, but I'm bad at explaining directions. 😅 For me, it was easier to gently hold her arm and guide her but she ended up yelling at me. I learned an important lesson about that consent. I don't mean to cause harm; it was ignorance on my part.
@Ari I have only yelled at a tiny handful of folks who don't accept - 'No, thank you.' & 'Please don't touch me without asking first.' & refuse to own/apologize for their non-consensual actions.
I won't freak out on people who may be well intentioned, make mistake on not asking for consent, own their error, genuinely apologize & are respectful when I tell them, in the future - please ask me before trying to help/touch me & understand why it's important to me.
@msquebanh I was surprised about being yelled at but there could be a lot of reasons behind it. She might be touch sensitive (my son is autistic and highly touch sensitive, so I'm learning a lot more about other people's boundaries). So I try to be more aware of these things. There's always something new to learn.
@Ari@msquebanh for future reference, the standard procedure for visually impaired people is to offer them your elbow if they need physical guidance. Then they're the ones holding onto you instead of being grabbed. I'm told that when you can't see the person grabbing you it can be a very scary experience because you have no way of knowing their true intentions. (I'm a care attendant and have one client with low vision and have met several other disabled ppl through my client's advocacy work)
I've had people try to treat me like I'm mute because they only see my physical #disability & automatically assume I need their help. I'm physically #disabled & am #autistic . I'm far from mute. I can speak up for myself very well. I don't want anyone else to speak up for me - unless I've asked them to or if they've asked if they can speak about my personal experiences to help others.(5)
@msquebanh First thing after my stroke, everybody would talk loud and slow to me. Annoying. After a couple of weeks of nurses asking me if I knew what hospital I was in, I would answer, "Yes, I know what hospital I'm in," which would be followed by a pregnant pause. They stopped asking those irritating questions.
@msquebanh the idea of anyone treating you like you’re incapable of speaking up for yourself and doing things for yourself is LAUGHABLY offensive 😬 The very idea!!
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