Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 172 , Thursday 18/04/2024
TL:DR Another day closer to the day I can simply rest.
Up at crack of sparrows fart to make Mrs S. her breakfast.
Emptied the dishwasher & hung up the laundry , then managed to get out for a walk in the sunshine.
I think I must be a serial ‘kind’ person. Don’t get me wrong, I can be just as nasty as anyone & I have perfected passive aggression into an art form - but I need to be really riled before these offensive weapons come into play.
But, & here’s the thing, I cannot help but do RAKs (random acts of kindness) especially for the ones I love.
For example I come home from a walk & find that Mrs S. has made her mid-morning snack & left the dishes for me. As I’m washing up I swear to myself that I will not make her lunch, no way, nope , nada !
Come lunchtime I will cave & make her lunch because that is who I am.
Or maybe I am just weak?
Yes I made her lunch 🙄🤦♂️
Just to rub it in, she finished at 16:45 & stayed upstairs ignoring me until … you guessed it , it was time for me to make tea when as if by magic she appeared! 😔
Final Thoughts.
The meek will not inherit the earth, we will simply be ground into the dust.
Off on a tangent here …
I wonder if its an ASD thing, a ‘normal’ thing or a ‘me’ thing that I wake up with a host of things I plan to do but by the time I’ve got to the other side of doing my daily chores & dealt with being triggered by herself I am completely de-motivated. I have no energy these days - even when it’s sunny (although I do have more energy on sunny days , just not enough) .
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 172 , Wednesday 17/04/2024
TL:DR Project WOOF is back on . Last day with EDF as our energy supplier - yay! . Some way to go to get back to nominal Squirrelness !
Slept like the dead last night, waking up was basically a crime !
It was a sunny morning so I went for a short walk - just shy of 3km. The new insoles are ok, but they are a bit higher than the old ones so the back of my ankles discovered the back of my boot & chaffed! I guess it’ll be fine once I’ve broken them in again !
I enjoyed the walk , it was nice to get out ! My foot however hates me again!
It was a sunny day interspersed with heavy rain showers, my agoraphobia is still a thing so despite the fact that there is stuff to do in the garden I stayed inside.
Spent the afternoon reading & participating in some decent banter on here - there are good people on Mastodon!
Final Thoughts.
We start the recovery process once more, I hope I can get back into the habit of walking every morning.
Tomorrow we should be moved across to Octopus Energy for the leccy & gas , with any luck leaving EDF will be painless !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 171 , Tuesday 16/04/2024
TL:DR
Up at just before 6am, did the chores , caved to the cats demands for fussties & chille don here for a little.
Chased EDF , they have sorted the billing out - finally.
We’re moving to Octopus Energy , I’m done with EDF, even with this small interaction with them my stress driven dizzy spells are back 😵💫.
Folks think I’m just angry with EDF, (& I am angry with them) but it’s deeper than that, after last years epic battle it’s almost like PTSD. I’m having physiological & mental reactions that I have no control over!
I really hope the new company are better !
Watched the original version of the Pink Panther with the late great Peter Sellars & David Niven to help me chill out this afternoon .
Final Thoughts.
I thought I was dine with EDF, hopefully this time next month I will be !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 170 , Monday 15/04/2024
TL:DR
Up at quarter to Oh My Gawd (aka 05:45) this morning goit brutally abused by a super wet cat who came charging into the kitchen from out of the rain !
The day progressed as normal until about 10:30 when I worked up the nerve to chase EDF over the fact that rather than billing us for a month , as I expected they billed us for 2 weeks - just because !
I spoke to a nice lady who promised to sort it out & call back within about 20 minutes - still waiting at 8pm !
Went onto the web page & it seems they have cancelled all this years bills & (ignoring the fact that we have paid up to date as of the march bill ) want to charge us for the whole year to date - AGAIN !
I’m going to sort out this current billing crisis then up sticks & move to Octopus, who appear to be the least bad option currently.
Watched ‘The Bounty’ this afternoon to try & help me forget EDF for a while !
Succumbed to the temptation of pizza for tea , I needed comfort food !
Final Thoughts.
Please Nuggan don’t let this think with EDF drag on like it did last year , it might break me permanently if it does !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Random question for anyone interested, has anyone read or heard about the hunter-gatherer theory regarding ADHD traits? Recently stumbled upon it and read some into it and it's rather pretty interesting.
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 169 , Sunday 14/04/2024
A real quiet Sunday, some time on here, a bit of a movie fest this afternoon (Terminator 2 & 3).
Our neighbours from across the street (Bev n Ian ) are back so we can relax on the whole house watching thing.
Will squeeze in a little ESO later , just to collect the dailies.
Final Thoughts.
Quiet days are interspersed with days of high frustration at the moment - tomorrow I will start the battle with EDF (again 🙄🤦♂️ ) , initially to get them to bill us correctly then to sort out moving to a new energy provider.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 168 , Saturday 13/04/2024
TL:DR EDF round 2, otherwise a fairly normal Saturday.
Not a bad all told.
Up around 7am, breakfast, fussed the cats then chores.
Got an email from EDF today , once again they have buggered up the bill ! I am sick of them they really are the dregs of the Power industry !!
Monday will see the start of a search for a new Gas / electricity provider , I am done with these cowboys !!
Hit ESO to vent some frustration, sometimes being a game addict has its advantages!
The new insoles to help with the PF in my right foot arrived around lunchtime so have fitted them into relevant bits of footwear.
Finished the day watching a few more Supernatural episodes & then started a Terminator fest.
The original is from 1984, in many ways it has survived well, but the special effects fail on a HDR 4K tv, you can almost see the string in the fighter scenes !
When Arnie gets his eye damaged the automaton they use is fairly blatant.
Some of the tech is , not surprisingly, ancient now - Walkmans & old corded phones.
But for all that the film is still very watchable.
Final Thoughts.
I refuse to allow EDF to screw with my MH again - it took me 6 months to fully recover last year (into the beginning of this year) ! So adios robbing buggers .
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 166 , Friday 12/04/2024
TL:DR
Up at 6am , busy this morning get chores out of the way in time to vamoosh down to the GPs for my Physio’s appointment.
The cats were not impressed, no time for too much fussties so far today (they’ve buggered off to bed in disgust ! 😆 )
Got to the GPs in good time - a good 10 minutes early - so sat , more or less on my own, & merrily got anxious for no good reason ! Thankfully the Physio was a nice chap who saw me a little early & it was a quick consultation, exercise , freeze me foot periodically & get some support for my shoes.
Also Project WOOF is back on , I can go walking & the schedule with the supports (one has to break them in slowly apparently) fits with my schedule for getting back exercising.
Need the supports, so that (in my little Squirrel mind ) = one last day of resting it - just to make sure 😆
Had a great day on ESO, I have a character build that is actually surviving! I can run dungeons & not die, even solo ! (This is very unusual for me ! )
Been trying to fine tune the skill set, but honestly I can’t think of another setup that will work as well !
I might tweak the skill bar layout, but that’s all.
Pizza was had for tea, sadly they sent the wrong on, it was a chicken one so acceptable.
The stress from the GP acting so poorly earlier this week has left me stressed - the dizzy spells are back!
Final Thoughts.
Today was a good day, & yet ASD / depression has to have its pound of flesh.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 166 , Thursday 11/04/2024
TL:DR A quiet day, but fought & won against my demons so not too bad at all!
So despite a restless night I was up around 6:30am , anxiety about having to make calls & having to fix the printer.
Long story short , printer fix - network settings had got wiped somehow , after a bit of swearing & the usual threats involving taking axes to major data banks the little sod gave in & victory was achieved!
Called Virgin & after 30 minutes of wrangling got a new contact , better package not too bad deal.
Played ESO today, got a new build that seems to work - heavy on the healing 😆
Got the 1st physio appointment for my foot tomorrow so that’ll be fun.
Final Thoughts.
So the recovery cycle starts again.
So up & down this year.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 165 , Wednesday 10/04/2024
TL:DR Well honestly I’ve had better days.
Was brave this morning, despite many misgivings & a general dislike (understatement of the century!!) of using the phone I made an appointment to go see the GP about my ASD assessment & my foot.
Foot - physio sorted for Friday .
ASD assessment was a joke !!
GP was determined that there was no further help forthcoming in the immediate future from the NHS.
He picked up on the fact that the Consultant suggested I approach the National Autistic Society & that was his main gambit.
The fact that the NAS , being a charity, cannot refer me for further assessments or treatment seemed to bypass his reasoning entirely. We also got the ,not unexpected, ‘oh I know nothing about Right to Choose’ This is exactly what the GP who referred me for the ASD Assessment said, I feel the Practice are very sadly lacking in their training! More to the point I believe that GPs want nothing to do with it because the costs come out if NHS budgets. It wouldn’t surprise me if they were not briefed to pretend it doesn’t exist!
I had thought that MH provision in the UK had improved - not so much it seems!!
So where we stand is : I am going to make a further appointment , this time with the GP who set up the RtC ASD Assessment, hopefully there will be a little more co-operation ! In the meantime I guess I can start investigating the NAS & the help they provide.
Why are MH services in the UK so very , very poor !
I am having a cheese & onion crisp butty for my lunch, I am aware that it is utterly unhealthy & guess what, I don’t care !
So because I have had a rubbish day and am super low on spoons Virgin have decided to bill me for next month on the full rate before I have had time to negotiate a new rate - guess what I’m doing tomorrow !
Also the printer is bust - probably needs a factory reset which is always fun 🙄🤦♂️
I am completely out of silverware of any form !!
So about an hour ago (17:30 ish) I realised that it is my Uncle & Aunt’s wedding anniversary on Friday!
This tipped me over the edge. I literally could not process what to do about it !
Mrs S. stepped in gave me a selection of cards , we picked one , I wrote it , it’s getting posted in the morning.
I feel physically ill.
I am nauseous, the dizziness is back, my brain doesn’t want to work, & the promise of a takeaway had to shelved because I now really can’t face food.
(Update: soup has been consumed ).
Final Thoughts.
I knew this journey would not be easy, but I really did not expect those tasked with helping me to make it worse !
All my fears & anxieties are reinforced by that GP. I am honestly wondering if it might not be easier to say ‘hey I know I’m ND ‘ & leave it at that.
So much for opening doors !
I am going to post this then vanish into the mist.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 162 , Monday 08/04/2024
TL:DR My mother warned me there’d be days like this ! (Not really she never knew I was autistic .)
Up at 5:45am, not by choice I might add!
Breakfast, being abused by the mogs & then chores started the day.
It’s really weird what triggers me.
So our new neighbours across the street from us (who I have met 1 half of (Bev) once ) asked us to be key holders while they are away for 2 weeks . Which is fine.
Me being me started doing the job properly & popping over of a morning & of an evening just to check it was all locked up.
Just went over (circa 10am) & did my checks & it turns out they have a Ring doorbell.
I’m walking away & this voice shouts out ‘Hello?’
Long story short, it turns out it’s Ian , Bev’s hubby (who I have yet to meet) wondering why I’m wandering around the property. I explain & it’s all good.
Only it isn’t … I feel like I’ve been caught burgling the place , anxiety levels are thru the roof & I’m close to closing down as I write this.
It has destroyed the whole morning - I KNOW this is illogical, I KNOW I’m catastrophising but I cannot shake the feeling I have done something wrong !
I don’t want to feel this way again so I will be giving the place a once over from our front door for the duration.
So spent the afternoon on ESO hiding away form the world !
Final Thoughts.
I always thought the catastrophising was a function of my depression , now I’m not so sure. I do know that social interaction with anyone I don’t know freaks me out.
Humaning is hard - am Squirrel !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
1 - Think of a thing to post to Mastodon
2 - Pick up phone to post said thing
3 - Get distracted by phone notifications
4 - Read and clear notifications for 5 minutes
5 - Forget what I was doing and just mooch on phone for 15 minutes.
6 - Put phone down
** Some variable amount of time passes. **
7 - Remember what I wanted to post and pick up phone.
8 - Return to step 3. @actuallyadhd #ADHD#AuDHD#Neurospicy
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 162 , Sunday 07/04/2024
TL:DR some days are made for reflection - but that isn’t always necessarily a good thing.
Sunday dawned , but I wasn’t there to see it, fast asleep ‘till 8am .
A slow, lazy day. A day of sunshine & rain.
I exchanged thoughts with someone I hope I will get to know better, I realised that I am sailing the sea of life without the first clue what I’m doing! I pretend to be an adult, but really I take each day as it comes, deal with what I can & sweep the rest under the carpet ! The stuff that’s under there will take 2 lifetimes to clear !
I look at folks on here & marvel at how they cope with stuff that would have me hiding under the table !
Extreme imposter syndrome !
Final Thoughts.
See this is what happens on quiet days when my mind has far too much time to contemplate all kinds of things like life, the universe & everything!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 161 , Saturday 06/04/2024
A quiet Saturday, usual stuff chores, gaming etc.
Did get to meet our new neighbour from across the road, a lovely lass called Bev - handily shes a Physio so got some sound advice for my PF - which I think is extremely fortuitous!
Final Thoughts.
In a world full of folks with questionable actions & even more questionable morals it’s good to know that folks like the Peeps that share my TL & folks like Bev are out there too !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 160 , Friday 05/04/2024
TL:DR A quiet day disturbed only by the Laundry habits from hell! Also I like being Neurospicy !
Today was a quiet day, a few chores, reading, gaming & some banter on here.
I was stuck, as I have been before how little, insignificant things can trigger me - I was almost paralysed this morning when trying to deal with the laundry herself had hung up , such a haphazard way of doing it, so many needless creases , added drying time etc. None of it world changing , but it basically shorted my brain out ! I had to try & ‘fix’ it, at least to the extent that I could look at it & not freeze!
Final Thoughts.
There was a discussion on my Home feed today about what description ND folk use for themselves .
I like to use Neurospicy on here but out in the analog world I think I predominantly use ‘Autistic’ . It’s kinda the difference between wearing a t-shirt & lounge pants indoors where you’re comfortable & something a little more formal when you go out & about !
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 159 , Thursday 04/04/2024
Much better today, managed to do afairly major housework chores that had been left in abeyance while I have been ill / incapacitated, but done now. Only another 100 or so to go , hey ho .
Bit of time on here & some ESO to keep me out of trouble this afternoon.
That was my day .
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 158 , Wednesday 03/04/2024
TL:DR Eating out, chores , tv . Once more realising what a dull life I have lead.
Last lay in of the holiday , up at around 7:30am.
Breakfast etc then spent some time on here catching up.
Went out for lunch to a semi-local eatery - had a very nice brunch bagel ! (I must try & remember to get foodie shots when we eat out 🙄) .
One of the nicest things about where we are is that we are on the edge of civilisation, I can go for a 15 minute walk & be in the countryside! Pretty much anywhere we go out for lunch, especially in the Spring or Fall will be a pretty run out too!
Define serendipity: when you go out during the 3 hour window your meds are due to be delivered & return at exactly the same time as the Postie rocks up with said meds in hand !
Watched ‘Boat Story’ this afternoon, aided by a slice of salted caramel cake & a coffee.
Final Thoughts.
I should be writing a happy piece here , I mean it’s been a decent day , but for a whole variety of reasons I am just deflated. I wonder if this is simply my natural base state.
Oh course there’s a whole stack of stuff that gets omitted.
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 157 , Tuesday 02/04/2024
TL:DR Sleep , tooting, pizza, sopping ( as opposed to soppy ) cats!
Slept like a baby last night for a lonnnnng time! I’m defo getting on top of this bug!
Spent most of the day on here, catching up & generally having a good time.
I told our neighbours (a young couple in their late 20s) about my ASD diagnosis this morning - they were like ‘OMG that’s terrible! ‘.
I really don’t think of being Neurospicy as being terrible, simply as being wired differently.
MH education has still got a long way to go I fear.
It will be interesting to see how they treat me from now on.
We spent the afternoon feasting on ‘Blue Lights’. Season 1 - Season 2 starts in a week or so 😊
Herself is on the penultimate day of her holiday today so we had a naughty pizza for tea !😊
She wants to go out for lunch tomorrow , who am I to argue 😆
Alice has literally just wandered in from her 10 minute evening stroll (it’ll be much longer come the warm weather) absolutely wringing wet ! Sophie likes to be dried when she comes in , Alice is like ‘leave me alone , I’m old enuf to dry myself !! ‘ ‘Also I will l scratch your eyes out if you come any closer with that towel! ‘
Final Thoughts.
Sometimes the hardest part of this journey is knowing , no matter how hard one tries others will see those of us who are ND as ‘broken’.
I still think that it is interesting that ND folk have to conform to NT norms , even when the ND traits are either harmless or occasionally even beneficial (more interestingly the AI in the autofill wanted to use ‘destructive’ where I was going to put beneficial ! sighs ).
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 156 , Monday 01/04/2024
TL:DR Oh please , really, you could have read the main body of text by now !
Ok super short version because I’ve a) been ill b) left writing this till just before I fall asleep .
There are some truly fabulous folk on Mastodon, I would outright name them all, but I haven’t got that much time before I conk out & I would hate to miss anyone. So if you’re reading this & helped keep me company of the last 2 days consider yourself included !
Spent the day on the road to recovery from Squirrel SNOT disorder ( a rarely seen complaint , SNOT being short for ‘Sniffles, Not Overly Traumatic ‘ ) . Not there yet , but progress is being made.
So much watching of movies & then some cop show that I totally didn’t follow - I blame being distracted by you lot for that !
Some more banter on here followed & now I’m ready for bed!
Final Thoughts.
Squirrel fans rock , both the ND & NT ones, you’re all totally fantastic!
Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖