@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

DivineKestrel

@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw

Black autistic train wreck of the manic pixie dream girl variety. Desperately sapphic and depressingly monogamous.
Constantly walks into the cocktail party naked in heels because my sense of boundaries is entirely fucking broken.

I dream of having bigger tits, a day collar, and someone who calls me "pet."
Someday I will meet a woman willing to tie me up in a vaguely uncomfortable position and fuck me until the pain stops. Until then I'm here to rip my chest open and pour 75 conflicting emotions all over everyone's expensive shoes.

I post about sex A LOT because I'm a horny chaos demon. My posts auto-delete after a while for the safety of humanity.

If I don't know you, you might consider interacting a bit before requesting a follow or I might ignore it.

If you're a cis man, you might consider not interacting at all…or at least thinking real hard before explaining my own jokes to me or describing the nuances of politics or science, both which I've written actual books about.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

You have not experienced life until you've put a boiling hot compress inside your vulva.

DivineKestrel,
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

Sorry… pain. That was a weird autocorrect.

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

Trans girls will be like "Ugh this picture of me with my hair pulled back and no makeup is 100% man" and then send you a picture of the sexiest fucking Sarah Connor pose you've ever seen like what the fuck stop being dangerously hot I'm trying to drive.

DivineKestrel,
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

@Dani Getting sir'd in a dress really fucked me up for weeks.

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

I just took a video of me pushing my dilator to depth, meant as an illustration.

It is the most overtly porny video I've ever taken… like straight "playing with a dildo in my vagina and moaning" porn. There's literally no other way to look at it.

So, naturally, I thought about deleting it…

…and instead sent it to a girlfriend to drive her crazy.

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

If you are considering gender harmonization surgery (of any kind), but just not sure if it's the right decision, here is the best way to figure out whether you actually want it or not:

First thing's first: Take the first step right now.

Here's the reality: Wait times are absolutely horrendous so get on the list. Today. Now.

All the rest of this can happen during the year or however long you are forced to wait. Get on the list.

Call around, set up some consultations right now. Put all the "But which minor variation of the surgery do I want?" thoughts out of your head. Get on a list.

Then get on another surgeon's list for a different minor variation. Then get on another for the third minor variation you're thinking about.

Get on the list. Today. Now.

Because it's going to be like two years before you are in surgery, and you can do all your hemming and hawing during that time.

1/

DivineKestrel,
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

Now that you are on the list, here's your next step:

Take the next step.

Remember, you can always back out. You can always stop. You can always just say "Nah, that's not for me." But you can't go back in time and start the clock again. So keep it rolling.

Take the next step

Whatever that is. Therapist, electrolysis, HRT, getting in shape, whatever the hell that is, do it.

Don't worry about down the line. Don't worry about three years from now. Don't even worry about tomorrow.

Take the next step.

2/3

DivineKestrel,
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

What do you do after you take the next step?

*Take the next step."

Remember, you're still deciding what you want. You're still trying to figure out if it's right. You're still trying to decide if this is right for you.

And you can always decide it's not. You're just taking one more step. Not committing to anything.

Take the next step. That's all you have to do. You're letting the clock run while you figure stuff out.

And after that? Take the next step?

If you haven't backed out, then just take the next step.

And then suddenly you're in the recovery room filled with joy that nobody can ever take away from you.

Because here's the trick: You already know the answer.

You already know what you want. You already know it's the right choice.

Because if it was not, you wouldn't be thinking about it. You wouldn't have taken that first step… and the next… and the next.

You were just fighting voices that were not even yours.

Don't fight them. Just take the next step.

3/3

rooster, to random
@rooster@chaosfem.tw avatar

deleted_by_author

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    DivineKestrel,
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    @rooster Goals.

    DivineKestrel,
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    @rooster I'm frustrated that I couldn't get implants as big as I wanted because that's exactly what I wish. I want everyone seeing me to have their first reaction be "Whoa! Boobs!"

    rooster, to random
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    deleted_by_author

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    DivineKestrel,
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    @rooster Hormones and Horrors

    rooster, to random
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    deleted_by_author

    •
    DivineKestrel,
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    @rooster the more things change…

    DivineKestrel, to random
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    Old meme but evergreen expectation for those meeting me for the first time.

    rooster, to random
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    deleted_by_author

    •
    DivineKestrel,
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    @rooster WOOOOOW!!!!

    WrenArcher, to diy
    @WrenArcher@beige.party avatar

    My wife and I are talking about the tub we need to get for the bathroom reno.

    We’re thinking about getting a black one or light gray. We think it will be different… unique.

    Me: Is there black caulk available?

    My wife: what did you say?

    Me: CauLLLLk. Is there matching cauLLLk available for either one?

    DivineKestrel,
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    @WrenArcher Wren Jesus why didn't you ask this months ago I would have given you some and you now I just cut it off!

    DivineKestrel, to random
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    St. Patrick was a racist colonizer and a murderer. If you don't understand that "snakes" was a metaphor, you're missing history because it was written by the victors.

    DivineKestrel,
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    White liberals gonna see this thinking "but the snakes could have bitten the children! St. Patrick was protecting the children! He's a hero!" And never get the connection to the destruction of pagan culture and religion nor the reality of religious colonization and patriarchal power the fact that women's rights are currently being stripped FOR THE SAME FUCKING REASON.

    DivineKestrel,
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    @Pagan_Animist you're right, I should edit that to be explicit that I'm not talking about the later Celtic Christians but rather the pagans they murdered.

    rooster, to random
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    deleted_by_author

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    DivineKestrel,
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    @rooster OMG REALLY!! YESS!!!!! I JUST SAW THIS!!!

    kelidanovus, to random
    @kelidanovus@hachyderm.io avatar

    So bottom dysphoria actually increases as you approach bottom surgery? It seems that a lifelong coping strategy of repression and numbness doesn’t work all that well once some actual hope creeps in.

    DivineKestrel,
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    @kelidanovus By the time my surgery was happening, about two months out, I was actually in physical pain. It was like my entire penis and scrotum was just in constant achy pain. My visualization of it was that it had died and gone black and was rotting off. It was crazy, and it sucked, because the closer it got, the more pain I was in every single day. I started having pretty dangerous thoughts, I just needed it fucking gone.

    DivineKestrel,
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    @kelidanovus It was awful. I'm sorry you have this too.

    DivineKestrel, to random
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    Current status: wearing a Shibari chest harness as a bra and an above the knee skirt with no panties to walk my dog around my neighborhood

    DivineKestrel, to random
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    Tired: "I can say anything because I have a Black friend."

    Wired: "I can say anything because I have a Trans friend."

    Inspired: "Shutting your goddamn white liberal mouth for a fucking change."

    DivineKestrel, to random
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    I would have to look back at my history but I'm pretty sure there were about 13 months between the time @Impossible_PhD convinced me that what I have been my entire life is called "demisexual" to the time she convinced me that it's really unlikely that I'm demisexual.

    Disclaimer: I've had three surgeries in that time.

    Gender affirming care and its unbelievably powerful effect on people's ability to enjoy themselves in the world is something that cis society will never understand. It can literally change our sexuality, it can change our entire sense of self.

    Gender affirming surgery is magic.

    DivineKestrel, to random
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    Surgeon: You have to understand that your new vagina will not have any internal lubrication because you don't have a Bartholin gland like a cis woman, so it will remain dry and you'll have to use lube.

    My pussy: Fuck that shit, I'm gonna drool honey down your damn legs you horny ass bitch.

    DivineKestrel,
    @DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

    @Impossible_PhD wait, you mean other demisexuals don't want to fuck their friends? And their friends friends? And the random women standing next to their friends friends? And the woman who's asking the women standing next to their friends friends directions to the hardware store? And…

    @oldladyplays @CharlotteEowyn @caroline @anjune @jamie_blumberg

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