@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

DivineKestrel

@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw

Black autistic train wreck of the manic pixie dream girl variety. Desperately sapphic and depressingly monogamous.
Constantly walks into the cocktail party naked in heels because my sense of boundaries is entirely fucking broken.

I dream of having bigger tits, a day collar, and someone who calls me "pet."
Someday I will meet a woman willing to tie me up in a vaguely uncomfortable position and fuck me until the pain stops. Until then I'm here to rip my chest open and pour 75 conflicting emotions all over everyone's expensive shoes.

I post about sex A LOT because I'm a horny chaos demon. My posts auto-delete after a while for the safety of humanity.

If I don't know you, you might consider interacting a bit before requesting a follow or I might ignore it.

If you're a cis man, you might consider not interacting at all…or at least thinking real hard before explaining my own jokes to me or describing the nuances of politics or science, both which I've written actual books about.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

I remember living in South Carolina. It was racist as hell. Like, just straight up open love of The Confederacy, people straight up saying n** and talking about "those people." Whole areas and towns of Black folk living separate and interacting only when they need to.

Now I live in Oregon. Almost nobody is openly waving confederate flags. Everyone talks about inclusion and tolerance and acceptance. And there are a lot of people who will tone police others about that. It's a happy place of liberal joy.

Here's the thing: There are a TON of Black folk in South Carolina. Some places they are the majority, if not in power. And the Black folk know what they're dealing with, and can fight it very directly.

Meanwhile, there barely are any Black folk in Oregon, because the state made laws to exclude them. And now we're either subtly excluded or openly objectified. And we can't say anything because we'll hurt white feeling.

Twitter is like South Carolina.

Mastodon is like Oregon.

DivineKestrel,
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

@clewd this exactly. It's impossible to explain to the virtual signaling "I'm not racist" leftists here too, because if you fucking hint at it they are all up in your shit with their white fragility ass feelings and filling your timeline with "please explain" nonsense.

And they will never see how just acting Black can get someone like me banned from a server because they are too fucking busy whining about how not racist they are to see the fucking racial bias they are swimming in.

It's like how many damn times we gotta sing the same goddamn song, read a fucking book.

@Polychrome

DivineKestrel, to random
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I wrote a post on how as a Black person, I feel an undercurrent of racism in Mastodon that white people don't even see.

And my mentions are filled with white dudes telling me how I'm wrong, that I need to explain it, and that I don't know what I'm talking about.

So all you white people looking for proof, there it fucking is, like I knew it would be.

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

St. Patrick was a racist colonizer and a murderer. If you don't understand that "snakes" was a metaphor, you're missing history because it was written by the victors.

DivineKestrel, to random
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Something I think about sometimes is the difference between us late bloomers and the Trans kids now.

I look around at all the Trans women my age and it's like we're this weird cookie cutter form where the similarities are fucking eerie.

And I think of all the young kids now, and how there might be so much variation in the Trans community with those kids. How I hope none of them will be cookie cut-outs.

The sad truth is when I stop to think about it, I know why all the late blooming Trans girls are the same.

DivineKestrel, to random
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"I'm too old to transition."

I thought that too. Then at 51, I started hormones.

Two years later, I look like this.

DivineKestrel, to random
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There are so many characters whose entire persona is the source of comedy, who are there because their very existence is what's funny.

Men with the characteristics of women.

Them being women-like or identified as such is what makes them gross, ridiculous, laughable. Characters like John Dorian from Scrubs and Lt. Boyle from Brooklyn 99.

The wild thing—the telling thing—is that most of them, perhaps all of them, could be played straight.

If the audience saw the characters as genuine closeted Trans femmes, the entire presentation would be a stark and very painful commentary on how hard it is to survive as a Trans femme. How every natural inclination we have is ridiculed and condemned.

Every time, the writing still works. And the whole series would become a way to show fucking horrible society is to us just for existing.

Cis people: Just sit for a while with that.

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

If you are considering gender harmonization surgery (of any kind), but just not sure if it's the right decision, here is the best way to figure out whether you actually want it or not:

First thing's first: Take the first step right now.

Here's the reality: Wait times are absolutely horrendous so get on the list. Today. Now.

All the rest of this can happen during the year or however long you are forced to wait. Get on the list.

Call around, set up some consultations right now. Put all the "But which minor variation of the surgery do I want?" thoughts out of your head. Get on a list.

Then get on another surgeon's list for a different minor variation. Then get on another for the third minor variation you're thinking about.

Get on the list. Today. Now.

Because it's going to be like two years before you are in surgery, and you can do all your hemming and hawing during that time.

1/

DivineKestrel,
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

What do you do after you take the next step?

*Take the next step."

Remember, you're still deciding what you want. You're still trying to figure out if it's right. You're still trying to decide if this is right for you.

And you can always decide it's not. You're just taking one more step. Not committing to anything.

Take the next step. That's all you have to do. You're letting the clock run while you figure stuff out.

And after that? Take the next step?

If you haven't backed out, then just take the next step.

And then suddenly you're in the recovery room filled with joy that nobody can ever take away from you.

Because here's the trick: You already know the answer.

You already know what you want. You already know it's the right choice.

Because if it was not, you wouldn't be thinking about it. You wouldn't have taken that first step… and the next… and the next.

You were just fighting voices that were not even yours.

Don't fight them. Just take the next step.

3/3

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

There's a Black saying: Racism is such a part of America that when you complain about it people think you're complaining about America.

Look at all the people telling me complaining about Mastodon.

DivineKestrel, to random
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My daughter asked if we could listen to Taylor Swifts new album The Traumatized Post Office

DivineKestrel, to random
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If you want to know how endemic "male is the default and proper state" is, try explaining to a cis dude why unisex T-shirts are not "unisex" and why "guy" and "dude" are not gender-neutral terms. You'd think one was explaining particle physics to an 8-grader.

(Actually, strike that, I was an 8-grade teacher and could actually explain particle physics to them successfully, so that's a bad metaphor.)

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

Looking for jobs right now is fucking wild, because all the tech jobs are hiring at the same salary as they were 13 years ago when I started working in software. This was back when the boring ass Oregon state jobs paid so little by comparison.

But Oregon state has tied their salaries to inflation and living wages and given cost of living adjustments (COLAs). So now, the boring ass state jobs pay more than the private company jobs.

The software industry laughs at COLAs, but we've been taking pay cuts every single year. If I'd just have stayed at DEQ working as a hydrologist, I'd be making considerable more than a senior software developer. That's wild.

RickiTarr, to random
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Y'all, I like all the Treks, I can't deal with your fighting, please think of the children.

DivineKestrel,
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@RickiTarr Treks are like boobs, all are beautiful in their own way.

DivineKestrel, to random
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If "guy" is perfectly gender-neutral, it suggests that "gal" is also perfectly gender-neutral. So just start saying "Hey gals" to everyone, everwhere, all the time.

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

Tired: "I can say anything because I have a Black friend."

Wired: "I can say anything because I have a Trans friend."

Inspired: "Shutting your goddamn white liberal mouth for a fucking change."

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

Like I said… every fucking time. And it's always a fucking dude.

This jackass chowderhead in my mentions talking about "Oregon was far away from slavery" because god fucking forbid someone reads something. 🙄

https://www.oregonencyclopedia.org/articles/exclusion_laws/

DivineKestrel, to random
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God save me from liberal white women who will sell me down the river the second "child safety" is mentioned.

DivineKestrel, to random
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I love Dune.

I've read the entire series 7 times. I've seen all the movies. I love the Jodorowsly documentary. I read Good Night Dune to my kids.

I love Dune.

But I love Dune the way I love America. With full knowledge and awareness of its racist foundations.

Dune is White Savior mythology all the way down. And if you don't see that, you're missing so much.

All of it, really.

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

*Sees a small Oregon town on TV

God I wish I lived there.

*Actually lives in a small Oregon town

God I wish I lived in a big city.

DivineKestrel, to random
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Happy Mother's Day to all Trans mothers. You are doing an incredible job under circumstances that nobody else would ever understand.

DivineKestrel, to random
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Tomorrow, I have to answer a question for a job interview about what diversity means to me and what I've done to support it…

And somehow I have to not go on a tear about how I've never done anything to support it because I'm struggling to just fucking survive and as the autistic Black trans woman have never been in a position of power that I COULD support it and the fact they are asking me that question without considering that is the fucking problem with "diversity."

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

Farscape is the show you get by cobbling together random parts of Star Trek, Stargate, Firefly, Labyrinth, The Muppet Show, and Ren and Stimpy.

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

"Our shoes were made for all women."

DivineKestrel, to random
@DivineKestrel@chaosfem.tw avatar

Every time I make a joke here where I word the joke the way I would around other Black folk, there is a white person who drops into my mentions to condemn it. Every single time. I'm only safe as long as I code switch.

And the thing is, I know not to engage them on this topic because the easiest way for a Black person to get attacked is to call a white liberal out on racist behaviors. I've been around this chestnut way too damn long. I got decades as a published author dealing with that chestnut. It's not worth it.

When we say Mastodon has a race problem, we are not talking about the Nazis.

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