DocAtCDI

DocAtCDI, 14 hours ago to random

Why was Humpty Dumpty optimistic for winter?

Because he had a great fall.

DocAtCDI, 4 days ago to random

What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes? Re-morse code.

DocAtCDI, 6 days ago to random

I have CDO.

It's like OCD, but the letters are in alphabetical order.

Like theyre supposed to be.

DocAtCDI, 6 days ago to random

YOU DON’T NEED TO BE PERFECT. YOU JUST NEED TO BE BETTER THAN YOU WERE YESTERDAY.

DocAtCDI, 12 days ago to random

My girlfriends cellphone service sucks!
Eight days ago she said, Were breaking up, the call ended.

it's gone straight to voicemail ever since.

DocAtCDI, 13 days ago to random

My son was playing computer games again so I said

When Abe Lincoln was your age he was studying books by the light of the fireplace

He thought for a moment and said

When Abe Lincoln was your age he was The President of the United States

Thats when I told him he was adotped

DocAtCDI, 15 days ago to random

Why didnt 4 ask out 5.

Because he was 2²

DocAtCDI, 17 days ago to random

Manager: Why would you make a good waiter at my restaurant?

Me: I bring a lot to the table.

DocAtCDI, 18 days ago to random

A fork will appear in the road that will lead you to your journeys end. Till then.. may the fork be with you.

DocAtCDI, 18 days ago to random

Lazy People Fact #562728943

You were too lazy to read that number.

DocAtCDI, 22 days ago to random

I have twin sons and now regret I didnt name them Rules And Regulations, or Hit And Run, or Law and Order or.....

DocAtCDI, 22 days ago to random

If there are ten cows in a field, which one is closest to Saudi Arabia?

Cow eight

DocAtCDI, 22 days ago to random

Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary?
same with the Virgin Isles

Not One Canary there Either

DocAtCDI, 22 days ago to random

What do you call a man who cant stand? Neil.

DocAtCDI, 23 days ago to random

They all laughed when I told them that one day I would discover the secrets of invisibility.

If only they could see me now.

DocAtCDI, 24 days ago to random

I have a fart joke but it stinks so I guess I have to

DocAtCDI, 26 days ago to random

Will you marry me - Proposal
Will, You, Mary, Me -foursome request
Will, you marry me - Timetravler spoiling the future
Will you, Mary me - Cavewoman Introducing herself

Punctuation, it's THAT important!

DocAtCDI, 27 days ago to random

Soulja boy is not a soldier
Dr. Dre isnt a Doctor
Adele a computer either!

DocAtCDI, 28 days ago to random

I made a new drink. I call it Trump Kahlua-sion.

It is a White Russian with a twist.

DocAtCDI, 1 month ago to random

Writing poetry about cats is purr verse.

DocAtCDI, 1 month ago to random

ME: I’d like to return this

CLERK: Sir, we don’t sell… VCRs from the 90s?

ME: I bought it here

CLERK: At Old Navy?

ME: stamping foot This used to be a Radio Shack!

CLERK:

ME: Store credit, then?

DocAtCDI, 1 month ago to random

What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.

DocAtCDI, 1 month ago to random

What do we want!?

HEARING AIDS!!!

When do we want them!?

HEARING AIDS!!!

DocAtCDI, 1 month ago to random

Doughnut.
Now theres a word that I really like -
it just has a certain ring to it.

DocAtCDI, 1 month ago to random

My pony caught a cold. He’s a little hoarse.