@malcircuit@thingy.social
@malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

malcircuit

@malcircuit@thingy.social

Fledgling trans girl that likes to talk nerdy, perform tech wizardry, do mad science, post occasional anti-capitalist and climate-rage induced rants, and show off her latest Lego builds. There will be selfies.

Swears like a sailor, so you best be okay with that.

My views are my own and are likely wrong.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

malcircuit, to solar
@malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

I feel like I just accidentally invented the perfect gadget for doing daytime polar alignment.

I mean, I guarantee someone has done something like this. I just figured I would have to make a custom 3d printed mount, not literally attach two random things with a screw.

Dovetail rail with a phone clamp attached at a right angle with a screw

malcircuit, to random
@malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

I realized that the main reason the is stressing me out is just impatience. As in, I want to do it right now, but if my goal is actually to see the eclipse it only benefits me to make a location decision as late as possible, based on the most accurate forecast.

Like, being wrong isn't the concern. It's simply knowing that whatever decision I make now is likely to just be overturned by Future Mallory.

There's so much uncertainty that "making a decision" has no meaning.

MLE_online, to random
@MLE_online@social.afront.org avatar

Last night I saw a dad helping his kid go pee behind a small tree next to the EV charging station. I guess dad's car was taking too long to charge!

malcircuit,
@malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

@MLE_online Most EV chargers are frustratingly devoid of any nearby basic amenities like toilets or even trash cans. It's dumb and makes me sad.

malcircuit, to random
@malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

"Artificial Intelligence" is intelligence in the same way "artificial flavor" is flavor: a poor substitute for the real thing that's used to make a cheap, low-quality product more palatable.

malcircuit,
@malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

People like Sam Altman are just glorified salesmen trying to peddle the technological equivalent of junk food to the masses

malcircuit, to random
@malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

The old classic intrusive thought of "instead of ADHD or something else mundane you actually have a brain tumor and this is just you slowly going insane" popped up again a few minutes ago and I tried to analyze it. As in, why would I want this to be true?

I realized it would provide an explanation for why it feels like my life has been getting more difficult over time, as well as provide a convenient excuse to stop trying.

malcircuit, to random
@malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

The solar eclipse is a hoax started by Big Event Planning to sell more event planning

malcircuit, to random
@malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

I'm starting to feel like I don't actually know how to get myself to stay focused in way that's sustainable and healthy.

I definitely feel like I could be productive right now, but I don't know how to work with my brain instead of simply beating it into submission with negative emotions.

malcircuit,
@malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

Like, when people suggest using urgency to make tasks more interesting, I'm pretty sure they don't mean creating urgency by telling yourself "if you don't get this done today, you're dumb and a failure" over and over again in your head.

I don't know how to instill a sense of urgency in a way that is believable to my brain. It's not urgent if I need to lie to myself about how urgent it is. It kind of demonstrates the opposite, actually.

malcircuit,
@malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

Trying to convince myself with logic that a task is important or urgent usually ends up coming down to "do The Thing, because <bad consequence> will happen if you don't", which just activates my anxiety and gradually evolves the task into a claustrophobic threat.

Focusing on a positive reward doesn't help because the reward just turns into the thing that will be taken from me if I fail. Telling myself I'll get a treat becomes "do The Thing or the treat will be taken from you."

malcircuit,
@malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

So I'm just left with a sort of vague hope/faith that the task will be worth it in the end. Which maybe works on a good day, but not in the depths of depression.

It all comes back to "simply do The Thing" — go into a head-empty zen state and just do the task without consideration of the needs or wants of the self.

That seems an awful lot like dissociation, though.

malcircuit,
@malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

Is there an option I'm missing? A different perspective to use?

Because I'm at a loss.

malcircuit,
@malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

And there's the very real possibility that all of this rambling is for naught because the thing I'm missing is simply dopamine.

I might just be thinking myself to death trying to solve a problem that's not logical but biochemical. Maybe there's literally nothing I can do when I don't have my meds. Like, I can try to hedge and mitigate the worst of it, but ultimately nothing will improve meaningfully without medication.

malcircuit,
@malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

I don't know what that scenario would mean for me. The idea of everything in my life being so dependent upon a medication chafes at my need for autonomy. It's just another source of chronic anxiety — a threat

malcircuit, to random
@malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

if you order a repair kit from iFixit to change the battery in your phone, leave the box somewhere, and promptly ignore it for nearly 4 months before even opening the box

malcircuit, to random
@malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

Number 6 literally stopped me in my tracks because it's exactly how I feel all the fucking time.

https://youtu.be/bO6Nua9jkBQ?t=969

Having a job has always felt more like a threat than an opportunity to me. Especially as I've been getting paid more over time, and the implied increase in responsibility that goes along with that.

The more successful I've been, the more I start to panic that I'm going to fuck it up and lose it all.

malcircuit,
@malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

(Which, of course, is exactly what's happening right now. Turns out chronic anxiety is not a productive strategy)

malcircuit,
@malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

Claustrophobia is an apt analogy to how it feels. I've increasingly felt trapped by my job — by the entire concept of having "a job". Especially since transitioning, because so much of who I am is now dependent upon lifelong healthcare access, which in the US basically means you must be employed.

malcircuit, to ADHD
@malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

I was just thinking about how I don't really know what a healthy and productive life looks like with my particular flavor of neurodiversity. Even just with my , I don't know what my life would look like if I were able to cope with it in a healthy and sustainable manner.

I have no idea what I'm shooting for. No model to emulate. I have no idea what a good day should look like.

The only mental reference I have is the neurotypical stereotype, which I cannot maintain for any length of time.

malcircuit, to LEGO
@malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

Oops... how did this end up in the checkout? Lol

malcircuit, to random
@malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

Everytime Pi Day rolls around (har har), there's always comments about how Americans are weird for using the mm/dd/yyyy format for dates, while much of the rest of the world uses dd/mm/yyyy.

Hot take: both formats suck and should be replaced by the superior yyyy/mm/dd

malcircuit, to astrophotography
@malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

This is the fruit of four-ish nights worth of images from my telescope. Behold, M101, the Pinwheel Galaxy.

Actually a little disappointed in it, to be honest. Light pollution really limits what I can do. I feel like I need 10x as much data to get a clear image. Also thinking that I'm probably not processing the data as well as I could. There's like infinite settings in PixInsight and I don't have any idea what most of them do.

thomasfuchs, to astrophotography
@thomasfuchs@hachyderm.io avatar

Bad day? Here have some galaxies as seen from my backyard

malcircuit,
@malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

@thomasfuchs Wow! There's a lot of galaxies in there!

I'm assuming you used StarX to remove the stars? I don't seem to see anything other than galaxies lol

malcircuit, to astrophotography
@malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

Immediately runs to buy BlurXterminator

The fact that it claimed to be "AI-powered" made me extremely skeptical of BlurXterminator, but now that I understand how this tool works on a technical level, I'm sold.

https://www.youtube.com/live/5_Dg7bYu-E8

malcircuit,
@malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

@thomasfuchs True, but that's probably a lot easier to estimate than whatever the diffraction PSF is for your telescope. Especially if it's a particularly weird one. I don't know. It's still an interesting thing to look into, regardless.

malcircuit,
@malcircuit@thingy.social avatar

@thomasfuchs To be honest, I'm sure my ADHD will get the better of me and I'll just buy BXT and forget about it entirely lol

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • •
  • Leos
  • vwfavf
  • magazineikmin
  • thenastyranch
  • Youngstown
  • everett
  • rosin
  • slotface
  • ngwrru68w68
  • InstantRegret
  • PowerRangers
  • kavyap
  • tsrsr
  • DreamBathrooms
  • normalnudes
  • hgfsjryuu7
  • mdbf
  • cisconetworking
  • osvaldo12
  • khanakhh
  • Durango
  • GTA5RPClips
  • tacticalgear
  • ethstaker
  • tester
  • cubers
  • modclub
  • anitta
  • All magazines
    •